To be a photographer is to be a fan of light
To be a photographer is to be a fan of how light shapes the way we see
To be a photographer is to be a fan of how light shapes the way we feel
To be a photographer is to be a fan of how light shapes the way we behave
Some photographers like to manipulate light
Some photographers like to leave it be
To be a photographer is to be a fan of light
To be a photographer is to be a fan of life
by Jason Lam
The best thing you can do for someone is to help them navigate their life. I believe we all have a fundamental desire for mentorship and guidance. We all want to be better everyday, and we all would love a little bit of roadside assistance along the way. Everybody’s trying to get from point A to point B, whether it’s mentally, physically or emotionally. Everybody’s searching for something. Help them find it.
Remember, just because something comes easily to you, doesn’t necessarily mean it comes easily to others. You’d be surprised to find how much others may appreciate your expertise in something that seems almost second nature to you.
Don’t know what you’re good at? Answer these questions:
What do people compliment you most for?
How do your friends introduce you?
What have you been prized for in the past?
What do you find ridiculously easy, but others find incredibly difficult?
In “Never Eat Alone,” author Keith Ferrazzi states that the best areas to help people are in health, wealth and their children. If you don’t know where to start, start there.
Here are a few things I know I’m good at and willing to help with:
Photography
New Style Hustle
Traveling on a budget
Writing
Making people laugh with my really bad jokes
I know some of you may be thinking, “Why should I help others? I worked really hard to get to where I am and to know what I know now. I’m not just going to give it all away for free!” But here’s the thing, you’re not giving it away for free. Life is not a zero-sum game. You don’t lose anything because someone else benefited from you. While you may not see immediate results for your help, your generosity always comes back to you tenfold. Hoarding all your chips like Scrooge McDuck just makes you an asshole, and you’re not an asshole, right?
Some others may also be thinking, “Well, I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging by giving unsolicited advice! I’ll really look like an asshole then!” There’s a difference between offering help to just anybody walking down the street and helping those who are clearly in need. I’m talking about the latter. Ever fall flat on you face only to open your eyes and see that there was already a helping hand reaching out to pick you back up? You’re not bragging. You’re not showing off. You noticed someone was in need of help, and you offered a helping hand. You’re not an asshole. You’re a freakin’ super hero.
All I’m saying is whenever you see a friend in need, reach out a helping hand and see what you can do. It doesn’t have to be much, but a little bit goes a long way. We all know that. You didn’t get to where you are today all by yourself, did you?
There are two types of people in this world as we continue building our castles in the sand. There are those who sit back and relax as soon as they get their castles built, and those who view their success as an opportunity to help others build their castles as well.
What kind of person do you want to be?
I hope you’re not the one who will just sit back as soon as you have yours. I understand; it’s not your problem, it’s theirs. But I’m a firm believer that one’s success is your success, and another’s failure is also your failure. We’re more connected than you realize. And believe it or not, the person who is greedy and hoards all his knowledge and resources always gets his castle knocked down first. Don’t ask me why. The world just seems to work that way.
And for those of us who are in need of a little help; I understand, we all have big egos, and we’re all quite wary of admitting we are a little lost. However, the first step in making any sort of progress is admitting that you are indeed lost. When you have the courage to do so, lo and behold, there will be a helping hand reaching out and ready to pick you right up.
Ultimately, I’m a firm believer that if you’ve had the opportunity to acquire knowledge that could be of benefit to others, then it is your duty to give back and make sure you share that knowledge with as many people as possible.
So, what skills do you have? And how can you best utilize your skills to help someone navigate their life today?
This is why I write this blog. I want to help you navigate your life. I want to help you reach the highest version of yourself by sharing the knowledge I’ve gained in this great journey of ours, and I hope it inspires you to do the same.
by Jason Lam
I teach New Style Hustle dance workshops. It’s a cool 1970s partner dance remixed with modern street dance elements, and I love it. I always do my best to make sure my students have a solid foundation in the dance. The goal is to get them to a point where they no longer need me. However, at the end of the day, the single most important factor in partner dancing is not the moves but the element of connection, which is probably the hardest to teach.
What is connection?
While it is difficult to define connection, I liken it to be quite similar to the concept of Qi energy in Chinese culture:
Qi = The circulating life force that flows through all living things.
I believe partner dancing is simply the joining of our individual energies to form what I call connection. You cannot see it, but you can feel it. When there is connection, there is an energy field that binds two people together, and they are no longer separate entities. They are now a single unit continuously changing and adjusting to one another. When there is connection, two individuals become complementary forces that give rise to the power and potentials of partner dancing.
How do you teach connection?
It’s tough, but it’s a question I often ask myself. When teaching a dance class, it is easiest to fill it with challenging movements the students can then practice for the duration of the class. Most often, students are taught a routine. However, if the mentalities behind the movements are not taught, then we are just left with a class full of students who have learned how to move, but no idea as to why. I am not challenging the importance of the motions – It is what makes the dance after all. But I believe that movements can be strengthened immensely by helping students understand that the physical act of dancing does not manifest on its own. Movement is but just a small piece in the larger scheme of things. It’s the result of something within and it’s much more difficult to define.
In asking myself these questions, another question naturally presents itself...
How do you teach love?
We are dealing with the ineffable here, so perhaps we can find clarity by considering a similar topic we as humans have obsessed over since the beginning of time. We’ll focus on romantic love as that relates best to the world of partner dance.
Common answers to this question usually result in the different ways love can be expressed:
Remembering anniversaries, taking your loved one out on dates, sprinkling hugs and kisses throughout your time together, and of course, having hot and passionate sex.
Then again, I can’t help but to think that love is already deeply engrained in our DNA, that maybe it doesn’t need to be taught. Maybe this question doesn’t even need to be asked. Though, I would argue the contrary because while people may feel love, many are actually quite clumsy when it comes to showing it. Anybody who has been through teenage romance will agree. You might even know a few adults today who are still the clumsiest romantics you have ever encountered. Likewise, while some people are great at showing it, they may not necessarily feel love. These are your cheaters, players and home wreckers.
If we were to apply these concepts of love in dance, then we begin to notice that even when there is a lack of connection, people can still go through the motions as if there is connection. This would be comparable to a tease or even a one-night stand versus being in a relationship with someone who truly loves you. If you were to dance with a girl you have no connection with, you can go through the motions and maybe even give her the impression that there is a connection when there really isn’t. It is physically possible to dance, but it means nothing if the motions do not appeal to your emotional core. Still, once in a blue moon there is someone you really feel a connection with, and when you come across this person, you can’t help but gravitate toward each other. When you dance, it feels so good that you don’t even care what you’re doing anymore. Perfect moves are no longer a priority. You’re just happy to be in their presence, basking in the ever elusive feeling that is connection.
The great thing is that true connection is a powerful force. While, like love, it is hard to describe without the liberal use of poetic techniques, the existence or lack thereof is rather easily felt. I always notice when people have connection because it is coupled with the biggest smiles, endless laughter, and they are absolutely inseparable. I also notice when my students don’t have connection and are just going through the motions. There is less eye contact, less energy, and we are left with just a bunch of empty moves. I’ve felt such strong connections that I’ve completely lost track of time and before I know it, it’s 4 a.m., and we’re the last ones on the dance floor. I’ve also experienced such weak connections that made me not want to dance ever again.
I’ve been asking, “How do you teach connection?” But maybe before I even consider that question, I should take a step back and ask myself an even more important question:
“Can you teach connection?”
I don’t think you can. What you can do, however, is to help your students discover it themselves. To my surprise, this actually happens quite naturally. I often yell “SWITCH!” so my students can practice dancing with different people (or in other words, they can practice “loving,” or at least going through the motions of “love,” with different people). I’ll keep yelling “SWITCH!” throughout, but by the end of class, certain students will stop switching and choose to stay with a specific partner. While it may be a bit frustrating because it messes up the rotation, it is also a blessing in disguise. I know that when I yell “SWITCH!” and my students stick together, I have succeeded in helping them find connection.
Maybe that’s all you can do.
While I can’t teach connection ... while I can’t teach love ... What I can do is help my students discover it themselves. And for those who are lucky enough to find it, I can then teach you how to show your love and harness that connection. Tell her you miss her. Call her. Take her out. Make her feel special. Spin this way. Spin that way. Lead her onto the dance floor. Take her on a ride. Then finish it all off with a dip.
I love you, too.
by Jason Lam
In the not so distant future, 99 percent of our jobs will be replaced by robots, but the one thing that will set yourself apart is your voice. All skills are capable of being replaced, your voice, however, cannot be replaced – at least not yet. Your story cannot be replaced. The way you do things you do and why you do what you do cannot be replaced.
In the not so distant future, everybody will have to strengthen their voices. The resume will be dead. If you don’t have a blog, YouTube channel, or some sort of media outlet that lets your employers find out a little more about who you are as a human being, then you’ll be out of the race. Why? Because nothing will differentiate you from the robots doing exactly what you’re doing, but better, faster and cheaper.
In the not so distant future, our bios will no longer just be our names, where we’re from, and what schools we’ve attended. When people click the “About Page” on our blog, (because you have one now), it tells us your story of origin, what motivates you, and ultimately what in the world you are doing here and why we should care.
In the not so distant future, traveling will be a requirement. It is your duty to travel and see as much of the world as you possibly can. It is a crime not to. You live in the most abundant time in the world. We have planes that fly across the sky at 600 miles per hour and can get you halfway around the world in less than 24 hours. If you aren’t traveling and opening your eyes as much as you can, then what are you doing?
In the not so distant future, being as human as possible will be all the rage. That means hanging out with your friends in person. Handwriting letters. Not giving any fucks about likes and followers. And being really damn emotional. The curated facade of perfection the Internet allows will come crashing down, and we will be left with nothing but humans. I can’t wait.
In the not so distant future, you will have to break down that perfect facade of yours and tell your story. You will have to express your true self. If you don’t, you won’t be able to tell yourself apart from that robot sitting right next to you, which will inevitably lead to a psychotic meltdown and lead to questions like, “Am I really human? Or am I just another robot?” But you are a smart human being, and you are reading this so you won’t let that happen.
In the not so distant future, we will all be storytellers.
What to do?
Start expressing yourself now. No, I don’t mean with cars, clothes and million-dollar homes. I mean with your voice. Write your thoughts down on a napkin. Start a blog. Hop on that dance floor. Be yourself. Love yourself. Tell your story. Start now, and get used to it. That’s all we got. We have robotic arms and legs that can do all the moving for us now. We have computers to crunch all the numbers and billions of other smartphone applications to do all the thinking for us. There is nothing, however, that can come up with a story that is as unique as your life. Then again, none of that matters if you don’t speak up. So speak up! Your future depends on it.
by Jason Lam
On Taking Pictures: I take pictures out of respect, awe, curiosity, and love. If I take a picture of you it is because there is something about you that I admire. I want to remember you, commemorate you. It always starts with respect, and the thing is it’s scary. It’s scary to take pictures because the act of raising the camera up to your eye is a signal that you are opening your heart and admitting that there is a part of you deep down inside that admires this person, respects this person and loves this person. It’s even scarier because you can fail. The pictures may come out like shit regardless of the intention and the people you photograph can reject you for life. It’s terrifying and paralyzing but I hope that regardless of who I photograph, they remember that I do it out of respect and love.
On Cameras: Photography has made me a much more conscious person. It has made me much more aware, and it’s not just within the visual medium. It informs my entire life and how I live. It has allowed me to live consciously, to be present, to be grateful, and appreciate everything about life. It teaches me to slow down, to think a bit differently, to approach life with an open heart, to be patient and to be open to what life has to offer. Something that began as a physical object somehow slowly started to change the way I see, then the way I think, and ultimately the way I live. This is rather peculiar and I never expected for this to happen but I am very glad it did. Every time I have my camera in hand, I feel truly alive and reborn again.
On Editing: I’m a terrible editor when it comes to my own work. I always was, and sadly, I might always will be. See, there is a personal bias you must combat when you edit your own work. The bias tells you that if you didn’t like this image, you wouldn’t have taken it in the first place. Or even more simply, it’s good because you made it, which is not always true. A great photographer can appear shitty due to poor editing. A shitty photographer can seem amazing with great editing. Point being – get yourself the best editor you can find.
On Sharing Your Work: Sharing your work is tough because your choice to photograph someone can make them feel special and happy, but your choice to not display these photos can cause absolute hatred and jealousy. Why did you show his picture and not mine? Why is his picture on the cover? Why was I shown last? It’s never-ending, and in a way, paralyzing. I’m sure it’s not unlike my fear of throwing birthday parties for fear of the fact that I might forget someone. Then again, the reality is that some people will have to feel left out. It starts as soon as I decide on who to photograph, and it gets deeper with editing, and finally with sequencing and showing my work to the world. People just need to be left out. It isn’t personal. Really.
On Film Versus Digital: Forget the technical aspects of it, they are both strong in their own ways. Choosing between the two is about deciding the process in which you shoot. Different processes lead to different results. Having said that, I always shoot better photos with film. It just happens that way. I know, one can argue that you can get the same process by taping the back of your digital camera, but I would argue otherwise. The knowledge that you can peel the tape back and still get a peek changes your mentality, and thus the process. I love digital, but lately, I’ve been finding myself falling in love with film more and more.
On Inspiration: Everything inspires me. My entire life inspires me, even the boring bits. Sometimes I don’t have any inspiration. I’ve learned now that I’ve gotten older to not go out and search for it, and definitely to not force myself. Inspiration will never come when I want it to. I don’t sit down and say to myself, “OK, time to come up with ideas.” I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. Inspiration will come whenever it wants. It is my job to simply be aware.
On Getting Published: Getting published is not the point, and it never was. While it is great and I would love for my work to be shared with as many people as possible, that is not the point. If you are constantly upset because your work is not published, perhaps you need to ask yourself why you take pictures in the first place because obsessing over this minor step is a straight shot to artistic suicide. The point is to create and to express yourself. At least, that is enough for me. I’ve also found that doing so allows you to be more honest, and when you are more honest, your work becomes stronger and in some weird way, your work has a higher chance of getting published. So far, I’ve been published in San Francisco Magazine and the New York Times and, while that may not be the pinnacle of a photographer’s career, both of them came when I least expected it. I did the work because I wanted to express myself. For me, that was enough.
On Honesty: You need to be honest with yourself before you even pick up the camera because truth be told, people can tell when your picture isn’t true. At least I can. And I think that’s the problem with digital and the Internet nowadays because everybody wants everything so damn fast but sometimes there just isn’t a picture for you to take. At least not one that is true and honest. If you are not sure if you are being honest with yourself, just take notice of how you shoot. If you are taking a million pictures just for the sake of having a photo to work with, upload, get likes and followers, then you are being dishonest. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me. This gets so tiring.
On Personal Projects: Everybody needs to work on a personal project and it’s best if it’s a long-term project. Even better if it’s a lifetime project. I have a few lifetime projects. They’re entitled “My friends,” “Home,” and “Lion dancers.” I’m very honest when I take these photos and I don’t rush. I shoot film because they deserve it, and if there are no pictures to take that day, then I won’t take any. So be it. You need personal projects because they serve as an opportunity to express who you really are and what you’re really about. Commercial work is great and it pays the bills but a strong photographer to me is not one who has graced the most magazine covers, not the one who’s had million-dollar advertisements shown all over Times Square; it is the one who is able to face the world with an open heart and show us what they are really made of, good and bad.
by Jason Lam
Naked Rainbow. Henna tattoos. Massages. Andy’s stand up. Our dome. DJ David, Charles, and Richie. Pac-man ghost. Mayan art car. Robot heart. Tycho. Fire dancing. Confessions. Finally, normal people. Deep playa. The woman breathes. Free. Dust storms. White outs. Foam party. The infamous white tiger. Flaming piano trebuchet. Vegan organic coconut pistachio ice cream. Hot dogs. Burgers. Pink gym. The giant sheep butt hole slide. Art car hopping. Harry Potter cocktail hour. Brent’s braids. Junga. Tiki car. The robot stalker. Seeing the “real me.” “NOOOOO!!!!” Watching the sunrise on the very last day. Dick stick. Frozen dumplings. Salads. Avocados. Swinging trampoline. CAPrisun. LAWyer. Antoine. Joanne. Irene. Richie. Ellen. Greg. Grace. Kevin. David and Sophia’s curry. Coconut water with chia seeds. Miinkay’s yoga workshop. Sleeping in the dome. Sleeping in the hammock. Hugs. More hugs. “Welcome home.” Meeting Home. Watermelon. The funniest seesaw ever. Boob dome. Jumping into a pit of pillows. Twerk shop. Healing foot wash. More ice cream. French toast. Pancakes. Freshly baked pizza. Snow cones. French fries. Oscar. Phi’s top hat. Theo. Yasmin’s awesome dancing. Mike. Candice. Wendy. Dragon staff. Smoked oysters. Tearing through a million packs of ramen in the middle of the night. Kyoshi’s baked goods. Dancing. LED hoops. Kimchi fried rice. Trader Joe’s curry. Ellen’s tortilla soup. The fire house. Smoothies. Open bars. Celtic chaos. Camp question. White ocean. The stage with the freakin airplane. Love. Freedom. Smiles. Saying hi to absolute strangers. Tri-tip. Ribs. Black Rock City Subway. Pirate ships. Chi’s super white teeth. Two Esthers. Really Really Good! French quarter. Beignets. Taichi stick fighting. Accoustic guitars. Look it’s a space ship. Giant cat. Laying in the dome watching the fabrics and cd's swaying in the wind. Working together. Being there for one another. Trapped in the porta potties. The front porch. Animal Crackers art car. Seeing the man burn. Getting lost in the maze. Mushroom clouds. Fire shooting unicorn. Hot air balloon. Palm tree art car. Richard riding his bicycle like a madman right beside me. Giant typewriter. Girl with the orange star-shaped sunglasses. Chad loves noodles. Pickle flavored popcorn is ew. Lasers. Here I see more me. Thank you for the awesome bandana. Give more. Hugs. I love you. I am worthy of your love. Authorize yourself. Trust the dust. Let it all go. Welcome it all in. Live. Love. Burn.
All the things I loved about Burning Man 2015.
by Jason Lam
When you live in a foreign country, it doesn’t matter what you do, you will always feel like you’re learning something new, conquering a new challenge, and ending the day with a sense of accomplishment. I’m guessing the same goes for foreigners who move to the United States. It must be exciting for them to tackle life in full English and adapt to the American lifestyle. For foreigners, getting to the grocery store or finding the closest bus stop is a huge achievement. Having a conversation with a local and only misunderstanding a few words can feel unbelievably satisfying. Not having to check the dictionary every time you order food – a milestone.
However, let’s consider if you just stayed in your home country. You speak the language. You fully understand the culture. Hmm… there really aren’t any daily challenges that you can tackle and make you feel like you accomplished something at the end of the day. Crap, that must mean you have to find some sort of high paying job, start your own company, or win the lottery. Notice how high the standard suddenly got? Funny how much your surroundings affect the way you live, the way you think, and the way you view yourself.
When I lived in Taiwan, even if all I did was walk around the park and ate lunch, I’d feel like I accomplished something because I managed to survive in a foreign environment. If I did that in the States? I’d be a loser who should go and get a job. In Taiwan, if I found my way to the department store, deciphered all the Chinese characters, and purchased a blender, I’d be an open-minded person who wasn’t afraid of new experiences and new challenges. If I did that in the States? I’d just be a regular Joe who went to the department store.
Point being, the secret to happiness is living a lifestyle that allows you to feel like you’ve accomplished something every day, no matter how big or small. Subtle annoyances, even if it is just a language barrier, actually keep life fun. A life that’s too comfortable is boring, a life that’s too difficult is undesirable – You just want enough to feel accomplished by the time you go to bed at night. I think the funniest thing is how when I’m in Taiwan, I consider going out and talking to my friend in Chinese as having done something. But in San Francisco, all of the sudden, I feel like I have to create the next Facebook. Jeez.
Maybe what you should be asking yourself is not, “What’s my passion?” but “What are the subtle annoyances I enjoy working through on the daily basis?” Finding something as colossal as a lifelong passion is too daunting of a task, which often results in grown men and women weeping into their pillows at night. Maybe you can try creating a lifestyle that provides just the right amount of hiccups on a daily basis that will eventually lead you to where you’ve wanted to go all along.
In my case, I communicate with my Chinese-speaking friends, write, take pictures and exercise daily. Each activity has a challenge of its own that I enjoy. By doing this every day, my Chinese, writing, photography, and health will keep improving, and I get to end each day with a sense of accomplishment. While being a fluent Chinese speaker and an accomplished writer and photographer is my ultimate goal, I do not let the idea of my perfect life in the future get in the way of what I can do today.
So while I would still love to move to Taiwan, I know that what I really want is to feel a little sense of accomplishment when I go to bed every night. This is something that each and every single one of us can recreate for ourselves just by taking note of the little problems we enjoy fixing.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” - Lao Tzu
by Jason Lam
1) Get it right the first time. In shooting film, as in life, you have a limited number of shots. If and when an opportunity presents itself, take the extra time and care to do the best job you possibly can. By doing so, you will create more opportunities for yourself in the future. Don’t be lazy. You can do it.
2) Don’t let “perfect,” be the enemy of “good.” You are trying your best, so embrace your mistakes. You won’t get it right all the time. You will fail. Your work and your life will not turn out as perfectly as you imagined. Embrace the mistakes of others as well. It’s not the end of the world if what you do is not perfect. Be happy that it is good. Be happy that you tried. If anything, while your work may be complete garbage to you, it could be amazing to others.
3) Enjoy the now. When I’m out taking pictures, I am constantly looking for the next best thing. Just like in life, the grass always seems to be greener on the other side and we do everything we can to get there instead of enjoying what we have here at this very moment. When I am shooting film, I eventually run out of shots and I have to put my camera down. That is when I am reminded that we also have a limited amount of time here on earth, and to stop wasting time searching for the next best thing. There is no next best thing. The best things in life are happening right now. Enjoy it before it passes you by.
4) Accept the decisions you make in life. You’ve already taken the shot. Stop lingering and overthinking. It’s done. You can’t go back and “fix it later.” This isn’t digital. Every decision you make in life will create a dent in the slab of marble you were given at birth and those decisions will forever be a part of you, whether you like it or not. Overthinking and dwelling in the past only makes you a prisoner of your own creation. Move on and concentrate on what you can do today.
5) Focus on the things that matter in life. Unlike digital, which allows you to shoot thousands of photos in a fraction of a second, you can’t overshoot with film. You only have a roll of 36, or 12, or maybe just a handful of large format 8x10″ film slides. You simply can’t waste your time photographing things that don’t matter. It’s limited. It’s valuable. Your life. Don’t waste it.
6) Embrace your inner weirdo and accept yourself for who you are. Film is slow. People will stare as you lug around this ancient camera and shoot at things that are seemingly nothing. People will make fun of you and bombard you with questions. You must be comfortable enough with yourself to not let that sway you. Go ahead and wear that funky shirt. Do that wacky dance. Eventually, you will find that the people making fun of you the most will also be the ones who admire you the most. Funny how that works, huh?
7) Know when to stop. The idea that nothing, not even happiness, lasts forever makes some of us sad. But what’s the fun in forever? Deadlines, limitations, and restrictions can be a good thing. You are more effective, efficient, grateful, and satisfied when you know there is an end. Vacations are fun because we know it will end. Being young and reckless is fun because we know it will end. Sex is fun because it will end. In film, it ends when you finish the last shot in your roll. Time to put the camera away. Oddly enough, it’s the knowledge that something is going to end that makes it fun and worthwhile. Scarcity can actually be pleasurable. Are you unconsciously ruining things for yourself because you don’t know when to stop?
8) Work with your hands. Shooting film is a very physical process. Load the film. Go on an adventure. Take pictures. Rewind. Unload the film and stash it away. The digital world with its touchscreen phones and hands-free devices are incredibly convenient but, as a result, we neglect our primal senses of smell, sight, touch, taste, and hearing. In a world where we have become more connected with one another, we have become less connected with ourselves and Mother Earth. While that may sound a bit odd, I think there is value in investing our time in activities that can help us reconnect with the physical world. So cook a meal from scratch. Go out for a hike. Give someone a big hug. Go out, get dirty and reconnect with the physical world. Trust me, it will make you feel much more alive.
9) Whatever you do, give it your all. Your appreciation and enjoyment of anything you do in your life usually comes down to one question: How invested are you in what you are doing at that very moment? Any thought that distracts you from focusing on what you are doing in that very moment takes away enjoyment and satisfaction. It takes happiness away. When shooting film, you must focus all your energy on that shot. You’re fully invested and it makes it fun. Stop thinking so much and focus on living a full life.
10) Trust your instincts. There is usually only one way to photograph your subject. At least, there is only one way to photograph your subject that is most true to your heart. While any shot that comes after this initial impulse may be executed better in a technical sense, it is secondary and unnecessary. As Steve Jobs once said, “Follow your heart, because somehow, it already knows what it wants. You just have to have the courage to follow through.”
by Jason Lam
How I’ve been feeling about my art:
I’ve created many things, but I’ve never shown much of it. I’ve always kept it under wraps thinking that there could be a better way to show it, or a better time. I’ve been doing this for many years, and though it can feel quite rational in the beginning, keeping all this art tucked away can start eating away at your soul. Whether it be paint on canvas or words on paper, art is a means of expressing yourself, and if your art is never set free, you can never be set free.
It’s like if you really love someone, but you never tell this person how you feel. You see her everyday, but you keep waiting and thinking of a better way to confess your love. You live a life of self-censorship full of hesitancy, stuttering and half steps, when what you need to do is to climb up to the highest mountain, scream at the top of your lungs and tell the whole world how much you love her. Why is it so hard to express ourselves?
This fear of true self-expression comes from the immense pressure we feel on the day-to-day basis to appear perfect at all times for the sake of public approval. All our attention is focused on the outside world and you must put on a mask of perfection and act as if your life is flawless (hence the selfies showing how awesome our lives are. #iwokeuplikethis). While you may gain popularity by maintaining this façade, it comes at a high cost. We must hide anything about ourselves that others might not like. We start hiding from ourselves, and ultimately, we end up losing who we are as individuals.
As an artist, you must admit to yourself who you really are. It is one of the scariest things you can do, but also the one thing that will bring you the most joy. You must get out of your comfort zone and confront your fears. Who are you, really? It will be difficult because answering this question will not only conflict with the perfect image you have built for others, but also because it forces you to come face to face with the inner self that you have been hiding from all these years. You must stop neglecting the less-than-perfect aspects of your identity, and accept yourself as who you really are — as opposed to who you think you ought to be. When you are connected with your true self, you finally get to express yourself in a way that is genuine and truthful. The parts of you that are usually silenced and hidden away for fear of criticism and embarrassment finally have a way out, regardless of what others think. You can finally let yourself be seen.
When you have the courage to show your true self, your life’s work now has the opportunity to live a life of its own. It is no longer just yours. It now belongs to a larger audience: the world. No more hesitation. No more weight on your shoulders. No more words left unsaid. Your work is out there. Your love is out there. And that’s all you can really ever do. Create your best, most honest work from your heart, and let it be known. What happens next? I have no idea, but at least this way you can stop hiding from yourself and pretending you have your shit together all the time. Most people don’t. When you take off your mask of perfection, speak from your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you get to be human again.
And in that moment, you are free.
by Jason Lam
How should you live this life?
When you can’t find a way or an answer, it’s only natural to get frustrated. It feels as if you’ve done all you can. You’ve summoned up all this courage, paved your own road, yet you still manage to reach a point where you just don’t know where to go anymore. You begin to ask yourself, “Should I just go back and take the safe route like everyone else?” They seem fine. It’s proven, and it works. You think to yourself that maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all. You convince yourself that going the safe route will resolve all problems and answer all your questions.
Then again, when you decide to go the safe route, you’re then faced with a new set of problems. “I feel so empty inside. I don’t feel like I’m living my life to the fullest. I feel so insignificant.” Because by moving backwards, you’ve given up on the way you want to live and the impact you want to have on the world. You’ve given up on your outlook, your voice, your journey and, most important of all, you’ve given up on yourself.
But there will always come a point where you’ll see or hear something that will once again trigger that deep burning question inside of you:
“Who am I?”
Because up until the point you decided to give up and join the masses, you were at least going out and doing your own experiments. These experiments led to new answers, new ways of thinking and new results. You were making your own conclusions about life.
But now you’re back here… back in the comforts of the majority… uncomfortably comfortable.
What do you do? Sometimes it’s almost like there are only two options in life: Take the safe route but feel absolutely empty inside or take the road less traveled, but life is a struggle.
Luckily for us, it’s never that extreme. In every situation we find ourselves in, there is always a bit of both, and we have the option of taking a side. You can blend in once in a while to feel safe and supported. Other times, you can formulate your own opinion and maintain your sense of self.
Point being, as long as you are proactive about going out and gaining first hand experience about how you want to live your life, then it is your choice to make. Don’t ever live life simply because of a popular slogan you heard or because someone else forced something on you. Experiment. Create an educated, sound and profound decision that is uniquely yours based solely on your personal experiences.
And share it with us because, believe it or not, we want to know the answers to the questions you’re asking too. So don’t you dare give up on us.
As your life and your work inspires me to keep moving forward, I share my work – my words, my photos, and my point of view – because I want to return the love and encourage you. If you are ever feeling brave and fearless, I hope you will follow through, find yourself and live the life you want to live. If you are ever feeling weak and lonely, I hope you are reminded that you are not alone.
Because we all feel the same emotions, we all go through similar processes in life and because we're all still searching.
by Jason Lam
I want to live in Taiwan and spend a good portion of my life learning Chinese and getting back in touch with my Chinese identity. Is that enough? I want to spend the rest of my life taking portraits of people. Is that enough? I want to live my life with the people that I love and care about. Is that enough?
I would really like to think it is enough, but this question will always be followed up with, “Will you be making money?” And another follow up-question, “Are you making enough money?”
Money. How much money is enough? I understand it is something we need in order to survive in the modern world. It doesn’t rank too high on my list of priorities, but knowing that I cannot focus on the things that matter without food and shelter, I will invest enough time and energy on it to survive. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Find the life that you want to live, and find a way to survive.
I’ve had many experiences in my life, many dreams and aspirations, but the one thing that matters most to me is to spend my time with the people that I love. If I achieve nothing else in life – if my bank accounts are at zero, if nobody knows my name, I have no rewards, no recognition – I would like to, at the least, lay on my deathbed knowing that I spent my life with the people I loved, and for them to know that I loved them dearly. Is that enough?
I really hope so, because to me, nothing is enough if you don’t first spend your time with your loved ones. No money, no job, no stardom can replace that.
Are you enough?
by Jason Lam
It starts with an inability to say “hello” because you don’t believe that you are someone worth meeting. Even after you’ve met, the next time you see each other, you’ll find a way to convince yourself that this person doesn’t remember you, so once again, no need for a greeting.
In the classroom setting, you don’t ever raise your hand because you don’t believe that you have anything valuable to say. It’s the same for work settings, or even at home with your family, friends or girlfriend. I won’t speak up because I have nothing worthy to add to the conversation, even if you’ve asked me for my opinion over a million times.
You don’t invite anyone to any of your special occasions because you don’t believe that anyone cares. No birthday parties. Nobody wants to come. No invites to my graduation or any of my performances because I’m not worth it. That’s the worse, when you don’t even have the guts to tell people that it’s your birthday.
A lack of self-esteem is scariest in love because no matter how much your girlfriend loves you, you will always find a way to be alone. Because you don’t believe that you are someone worthy of meeting or being remembered. Because you don’t believe that you have anything valuable to add to anyone’s life. Because you place yourself at such a low level, you feel that anyone who loves you has simply made a mistake, and the least you could do is help them by running away and allowing them to find someone better. You are convinced that you are never enough, and whether or not it is true, you make it so.
At the end of the day, a lack of self-esteem leaves you bitter, cold and alone. The funny thing is that you then start wondering how you got yourself here in the first place. Even funnier is that you already have friends, family and tons of potential lovers just dying to be with you, help you and support you … heck, even spend the rest of their life with you.
You’re not used to it. I get it. You’ve grown so accustomed to doing everything yourself. I understand that, too. Somehow you’ve tricked yourself into believing that no one cares, and it probably all started at that young age when kids are trained to just shut up and listen to authority. Sure, I know there is a bunch of other elements involved: culture, upbringing, media, etc.
But you need to stop hiding from the spotlight. The light is there, shining in all its radiant glory. Now, you can choose to stay on the sidelines each and every time your moment arrives, but you can also choose to bath in the spotlight as you were very well meant to. Everybody has a time to shine in their lives – why not you?
Try it. You’ll realize that people actually want to see you there. They’ve been dying to see you. They’ve been waiting for so long. How dare you make them wait? How dare you withhold your gifts and talents from a world that needs them so badly? People will smile, they will applaud, and best of all, they’ll be inspired by YOU and by your courage to put yourself out there. You’ll realize you’re not alone, and that you were never alone to begin with. Maybe it wasn’t so obvious before, but you’ll find out that everybody has their share of self-esteem issues. That’s what makes us human. We all feel weak at times and stronger other times.
One thing’s for sure, all the people wanting to see you, to support you, and to help you can’t do anything if you don’t first help yourself.
You need to take the first step.
So please come into the spotlight. We’ve been waiting for you for a very long time.
by Jason Lam
It’s Day 4 since returning to the States after spending two wonderful months in Taiwan. It’s currently 10:47 at night here in San Francisco. 1:47 in the afternoon over in Taipei. Here are some jet-lagged thoughts you absolutely don’t care about, but I will tell you anyway:
No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.
I usually read a ton of books, but I’m reading drastically less this year. It’s okay though. Better to properly digest all this new information than to keep cramming things into my brain.
I like this version of me. I can more or less communicate, read, and write in Chinese. I can communicate with my friends in Taiwan. I can make new friends. I can even fall in love. I like this version of me. Do you like this version of you?
宋冬野
Voice lessons
Should I move to Taiwan?
Knowing that I will most definitely fall asleep before 12 a.m. is comforting and very efficient in a way. It forces me to get everything done before then. I know I’ll fall asleep. No sleepless nights rolling around for no reason. 12 a.m. Shop is closed. Efficient.
What does a couple do after they’re past the fun and exciting “Getting to know you phase?” How do you keep the flame alive? Figure that out, and you’ll be a millionaire.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
As long as you have people by your side that care about you, anything is possible. I truly believe that.
How much suffering should one endure before they call it quits? When is the pain no longer worth it?
People like to be the “type” that can handle a long-distance relationship. Unfortunately, most people are just that.
When you like something, you don’t always have to know why.
Eat slowly.
I dance hustle just for fun. A hobby. I don’t do it for the money, for the fame, nothing. Funny enough, when you expect nothing, you get everything.
Don’t look back.
I barely spent anytime on social media during my two months in Taiwan. I think time spent scrolling through your Facebook or Instagram feed can equate to how little quality time you are actually spending with your friends, family, or even yourself. Because if you were actually spending quality time with them, you wouldn’t be wasting it on social media looking at what everybody else is doing. I’ve only been back for 4 days, and I’ve already spent way more time scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed than I should have. Terrible. But is it also because all my friends and family are also doing the same? Sigh.
American culture is a bit absurd. Why must we drink so much protein and work out so much? Doesn’t make any sense to me. Sure, I guess it looks good if you’re part of the American audience – though to the rest of the world, you just look fat.
After all my travels, I find it quite hard to define anything or have a standard way of viewing life based on any one country’s way of thinking. Diet, muscles, clothing, dating, alcohol, art, dancing, the freakin’ weather. While everyone sees it like that, I, on the contrary, can only see it as, “Yeah, sure, I can see why you may think that way.” If I was an element, I’d be water. If I was a martial art, I’d be Jeet Kune Do. Style of no style. Form of formlessness.
Life is so much better in love.
by Jason Lam
A funny thing happens when you don’t believe in yourself. Others won’t believe in you either, and then all the doors that were once open to you are now closed. And who closed them? You did.
Another funny thing is that self-confidence has absolutely nothing to do with your actual skill level. While it is easy to think that there is a direct correlation between the two, there really isn’t. Though it is definitely common to see talented people with a great sense of self-confidence, there are still plenty of other talented people who have a great lack of self-confidence.
A lack of self-confidence can come from within, but most often it comes from our upbringing and our surroundings, which we then internalize. Were people supportive of your endeavors? Or were you left alone to figure things out yourself? Were your achievements rewarded? Or did people barely even notice? If there was no trust and support, you start to believe that this is normal. It is normal for people to not be supportive of your endeavors. It is normal for people not to notice your achievements … And then you begin the slow process of closing yourself off.
You no longer seek support. You no longer invite people to your exhibits, performances or even a school graduation. Then again, you continue working, you get better and better, and one day people start to notice and compliment you. But by then it’s too late. You’ve become numb to the pain of having to traverse this journey alone, and therefore you’ve also become numb to the fruits of your labor.
People start requesting to work with you. They tell you they’re fans of your work and want to collaborate with you. But you say no. You keep saying no and, in a way, it’s retribution for all the sleepless nights you had to spend alone working on your craft with no one there to even say a simple, “Good job.”
“Back then they didn’t want me. Now I’m hot, they all on me”
“Oh, now you want me?!” A natural response. I completely understand. I even think you should stay in that zone for bit; not just to get it out of your system, but specifically so that you can experience how much lonelier it can be at the top. You thought it was rough before? Think again.
You need those open doors, and you need to walk in.
Enough with the self-pity. We know; nobody believed in you back then, but now they do. Enjoy it. And if you can’t, learn to enjoy it.
What’s worse than being a person of no skill that nobody notices? Being a person of great talent that everybody adores but nobody dares to confront because you don’t believe in yourself. Heck, if that’s the case, you mind as well be an asshole! But you’re not. You’re a nice person. Everybody loves you. Let them love you. Learn to accept love again despite never having received it before.
Walk through the door. One door will lead to the next … And sooner or later you’ll realize that there has always been someone supportive by your side. You just had to find them.
In other words, you have to be your own biggest fan before others can be a fan of you.
by Jason Lam
Featured in the April 2015 issue of San Francisco Magazine! This was a special issue focusing on San Francisco Chinatown. It's great to be able to contribute to the community and share our local goodies! Yum!
Past fears and pain works in funny ways. Everything can be completely fine in the present, but because you’ve experienced pain before, you know damn well that it’s still a possibility for it to present itself again. Whether or not there is a probable chance of re-encountering this painful experience in the present is of little significance. What matters most is not the myriad of other twists and turns your life can take for the better, but that the pain is still out there. Knowing this makes it real. Knowledge of past pain becomes a parasite to your present condition; if not physically, then simply a mental roadblock that you cannot seem to get rid of.
I guess we can find solace in knowing that life always has several paths it can take, and not just the one that is clearest to us.
by Jason Lam
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson
I’ve been taking yoga classes twice a week. At my most recent session, the yoga instructor read this very quote out loud to us and I finally came to truly understand what it all means. You see, because I’ve been feeling quite fearful – which has led me to feeling hesitant, which then led me to feeling sorry for myself for being so weak. After all my travels and proactive self-improvement, I still managed to get myself stuck in a rut: back home with my parents and actually trying (though failing horribly) to live a “normal life” and do a “normal job.” I’ve become quite confused because I feel equal parts courage and fear ... equal parts capable and incapable, or to sum it up in a phrase: “I know I can, but for some reason, I can’t.” But then again, If I can, then why can I not?
Because I feel that I am undeserving of such power. How coincidental, our deepest fear – my deepest fear was never that I was inadequate. My deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure. It is my light, not my darkness that most frightens me. I ask myself, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who am I not to be?”
Can I actually make a difference? Can I be my true self and not be embarrassed? Can I shine my light despite the darkness surrounding me?
“You will fall,” the yoga instructor says as we begin getting into our tree pose. “We all have this voice in our heads telling ourselves, don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall ... but one day you will, and that’s okay because you can get right back up and pick up right where you left off.”
I think back to my younger teenage days when I grew my hair long across my face, when I never hesitated to let people know how much I loved Jay Chou, when I completely poured my heart out on Xanga without a care of what my privacy settings were, and how heartbroken I’d be when the girl I confessed my love to broke the news that she already likes somebody else. You would think that growing older means becoming more courageous and unrelenting about showing off who you really are. But I look back to my teenage years and I find that I was quite powerful, unrelenting, and much less hesitant than I am today. It’s funny. I guess the harder I’ve tried to stand out, the more I’ve just ended up blending in by taking on the excess fear bearing down on those surrounding me. Their deepest fear also being that they are powerful beyond measure, and so they do nothing. But all eyes are on me as I make the first move, then all of the sudden they beg the question, “Who are you to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” To which I’ll just have to respond by saying, “Actually, who are you not to be?”
As the class came to a close, we are instructed to bring our right leg up to the pigeon pose, to take a deep breath in, then a little deeper, and to exhale as the whole class erupts in a giant “ahhh..........” The yoga instructor tells us to be conscious of our thoughts, our actions, our feelings; that everything that happened earlier today is no longer happening, that we are here now, and to just be present and breathe. “Just breathe,” he says to all of us. “No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.” Surprisingly, my eyes became misty. How truthful.
I think it is easy to play the victim. Not to say whatever harmed us in the past did not play a major role in our pain, but many times playing the victim can be just another easy way out. It allows for excuses. The tiny voices in our heads keep up the chatter because, in a way, it feels good. Playing the role of the victim becomes part of our identity. It feels good to complain about our unfortunate position because it draws attention, hugs, friends patiently sitting beside you as you repeat your pitiful story for the hundredth time and tell you, “Aww it’s going to be okay” – the whole nine yards. The whole time unknowingly justifying our deepest fears of being inadequate. Well, as the yoga instructor said unto us earlier today, “No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.” He continued, “And if that sounds depressing, then screw it.” His way of giving us permission to crawl back into the fetal position crying for help. But as scary as it sounded, I found it incredibly liberating.
“No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.”
So scary. Yet, so liberating. Because you truly are in control of your own destiny, and frankly, everybody, even your closest friends, are way too busy dealing with their own messy lives to handhold you every step of the way.
So do something about it.
Whenever I mention anything regarding my pursuit of art, Dad’s favorite response is, “There’s only one Zhang Yimou,” to which I now say, “There’s only one Jason Lam.”
And as the class came to a close, and I lay on my back with limbs stretched out, he sounds the crystal singing bowl. As the hum momentarily takes over the entire room and thus my entire consciousness, it wipes out all inhibitions and fear. For those brief moments, I am free and truly understand that playing small does not serve the world. And if I am ever to feel an ounce of fear, it is not because I am inadequate but because I am powerful beyond measure.
by Jason Lam
Today is a very special day. My story documenting Chinese-American lion dancers has been featured in the New York Times Lens Blog, along with New York Times Metropolitan, and International New York Times. This means so much to me. Thank you to all my classmates and teachers from the International Center of Photography that helped me along the way. Thank you John for putting me in touch with lion dancers out here in New York City. And a very special thank you to Team WCM for taking me in and allowing me to share this wonderful ancient art form with the world.
I hope you find clarity, or at least moments in which clarity reveals itself to you. When you do find these moments, I wish for you to grab hold of them and try your best not to let go, for moments of clarity are few and far between. Clarity never appears when you are searching for it, so don’t look too hard. But take notice of the situations you are in when clarity does show up. Then do yourself a favor and go back to these situations every so often. Be patient, and it will come back. I promise you.
Finding clarity is the best thing you can do for yourself because clarity does not let you lie. Clarity is honesty in its purest form. A rare gem. It won't make you do anything though. It's just there. You never even have to find it in the first place. Then again, if you've found clarity – even the slightest glimpse of it— then you owe it to yourself to at least have the courage to look a bit further, and to dig a bit deeper.
Clarity does not necessarily bring with it good or bad news. It just is, and it is up to you to make do with what it has to tell you. But first you must listen, and I hope you have the courage to listen.
Remember not to look too hard – just be aware so you notice when clarity reveals itself.
Good luck.
by Jason Lam
I honestly don't really give a crap about posting pretty pictures of me looking stoically out into the landscape during my trip to [insert so-called exotic place here]. What are those people trying to prove anyway? For popularity? Admiration? To create envy? I rarely talk about my travels unless I have to, like right now. Maybe I still have a bitter taste in my mouth after having traveled a good bunch, only to have one of previous girlfriends absolutely hate me for having so much fun ... without her. How selfish of me, right?
The calm before the storm...
Well, now for the sake of preserving harmony, I won't say anything. How about that? I won't tell you about my highs. But I also won't tell you about my lows. I'll just tell you what's safe. Like how I went to do yoga today – no pictures of course, that would be mean. New restaurants? I've tried them all, but you won't know that.
Eventually we'll reach cruising altitude. Not much shutters from the lift off, no more troublesome pre-cautionary requirements. Just cruising, and maybe the subtle hum of time going past, but that'll be all. Then one day, out of the blue, you'll ask, "How come we don't talk anymore?" I'll play it nice, I'll say, "I don't know, I guess that's what happens when people are together for a long time." When what I wanted to say was, "Because I can't tell you anything without you getting pissed off." After a delayed pause, you'll fail to think of a contributing response, and we'll fall silent again. Hmm ... cruising is so nice ... Isn't it?
The explosion.
"Do you love me?" She asks. "I don't know," You reply. Sobbing. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" You think to yourself, should I tell her now? Or later? But fuck it, I can't take it anymore either. "Because you criticize every little thing I say or do."
Shock, met with confusion.
You realize to yourself, that wow … she had no idea. She had no idea what she has been putting you through. She's just being herself.
You start to feel the slight pinch of being mistaken. Because, for all you know, she was doing all these things knowingly, consciously, just like you.
Then you realize ... How stupid of me to actually believe that everybody behaves the same way I do. Too late to abort mission now. You continue.
"I feel like I can't be myself around you. It's like I'm constantly being watched, you're constantly commenting on every little thing I do, and there is always something wrong."
She makes you feel inadequate. The worst pain a man can feel with a woman.
You make her feel unwanted ... But it's her fault, you convince yourself. Accept her criticism as part of the pain that comes with the love? No thanks. I'll just huddle up in my protective shell. She can't hurt what she can't see.
The devastation after the storm.
You can't stay huddled up any longer. Life is calling, and you have to answer. You come out of your shell – this protective alcove you've created for yourself your entire life and you realize you’ve played as much of a part in this mess you created as she did.
Where you went wrong was not going out and living the life that you wanted and doing all the things you ever wished to do. Where you went wrong was deciding to live a lesser version of yourself for the sake of preserving the harmony around you, even if it meant a false perception of harmony.
You said “Sorry,” when you should've said, “So what?” or better yet, “Fuck You.”
You need to stop apologizing for being who you are. You need to ruffle some feathers and you're going to piss some people off. And if your friends and lovers aren’t down with that, then it's on to the next one. Better to live a life with a pack of haters if it means you can find some true lovers.
Forget about cruising. Aim too high. Fall way too low. Instead of saying “Sorry,” say “Fuck you.” Because while pleasing everybody means a life with no haters, it also means a life in which no one loves you. Be yourself. Be more of yourself. Polarize those around you. Make them fight. Piss them off. At least in that way, you know who stands by your side. Because there's nothing more terrifying than a life with a lot of friends without a single clue about whom you can count on.
by Jason Lam
