THIS IS WHY YOU MISS YOUR CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

It's easy to remember the “good old days” in hindsight, even if it means missing your crazy ex-girlfriend. Because in hindsight, it feels better to remember how much she loved you, not how much that love was borderline psycho. In hindsight, you'll only remember how she would be the only person to call or text you at the end of the day to say goodnight, which made you feel cared for, loved. But you don't remember how you just wished she would get off your back about all that, "Do we REALLY have to do this EVERY NIGHT?!" In hindsight, you start wondering to yourself whether or not it was a good idea to break up with this crazy girlfriend of yours because now you're alone, unemployed, and all these dating apps don't seem to be working as good as you thought they would.

I recently watched a TED talk about why veterans miss war and find it so difficult to transition back into normal life. The conclusion was that regardless of how dangerous life at war is, you at least know that every single soldier by your side has got your back. In essence, soldiers would rather take a life-threatening situation with brothers they can trust versus an easy life where they have no idea who they can count on. I guess it's the same with crazy ex-girlfriends...

You're in the thick of it and you just can't wait to get out. Then again, when you get out, and there isn't a crazy girlfriend chiming in on every little thing you do, you wonder, is anyone going to chime in? Does anyone even know I exist? All of the sudden, the crazy ex-girlfriend doesn’t seem so bad. Yeah maybe she was a little over the top but at least you knew she loved you. When accustomed with the tumultuous battlefield of such fanatic love, it can be difficult transitioning back to normal life where you're just an average Joe, and most people wouldn’t think to look at you twice. Alienation at its finest.

You miss your crazy ex-girlfriend because at times it was actually worth it. You knew you could call her in the middle of the night, piss drunk, and have a place to stay. And you'd probably get breakfast made for you the next morning. You knew she would always want to have sex with you, and sex with crazy girls will always be the best sex. You knew that if you were stranded on an island, she'd probably come out and save you. Yeah, you'll have to deal with her jealousy, provide her with all your undying attention, etc., but in times like those, she didn't seem too bad ... in hindsight.

Having been so used to someone who was so crazy in love with you, when you’re finally given the chance to be alone, your own person, it is terrifying. Add on to that, your new potential girlfriends couldn't give two fucks about what you do, or whether or not you called or responded to her text messages. Actually, nobody seems to care enough about you all of the sudden. No overly tight hugs, no enthusiastic "I love you,” no gut-wrenching laughing spells, no highs, no lows, just a smooth ride – maybe a little too smooth.

But that's what you wanted all along, isn't it? No, what you wanted was the good without the bad, as we all do. Then again you've matured since then, and realized there's no such thing as highs without lows. No such thing as a lover without some cons to their pros. Which is why in hindsight, your crazy ex-girlfriend doesn't seem so crazy after all, and maybe the highs were worth the lows.

But who are you kidding? You don’t actually miss the craziness. You don’t miss her at all. What you miss is the feeling of being loved, the connection, the passion, the reassurance, the acknowledgement that you exist, and that someone out here in this chaotic world cares about you. Somebody that loves you more than you love yourself – now who wouldn’t miss that?

You've come too far. You've felt the highs and though you hated the lows, it's too late to settle for someone who doesn't suffocate you with their love. Funny thing is, all men will say their girlfriends are crazy if they manage to stay with them long enough. But that's probably a good thing. We honestly wouldn't feel right if you weren't crazy at least some of the time.

Still, who are you to think that you don't have a couple issues yourself? That your “crazy” ex-girlfriend didn't feel the same about you? If “In hindsight, everything is 20/20,” maybe you’ll start realizing that at the end of the day, you were the crazy one. Then again, you're not crazy if you find someone else to be crazy with.*

It’s time to find yourself another crazy girlfriend.

by Jason Lam

WHY PHOTOGRAPHERS NEED TO DIRECT

The role of the photographer goes beyond just taking a picture. In many ways, the photographer is very much the muse that allows the subject to do what they were placed on earth to do.

When you direct and tell someone or a couple to do all these “cheesy” poses – to look off into the distance, to look strong, to hold each other lovingly – what you are doing is giving your subjects the PERMISSION to finally do what they've actually been wanting to do all along. You, as the photographer, are the viewer that acknowledges the existence of the subject. You encourage the subject to be who they truly want to be. You motivate them to be seen how they truly want to be seen. In this sense, you are more than just a voyeur; you are like the snake charmer, luring the snake out of its cave. You are like the coach, bringing out the best in your players. You are like the best friend, or the parent, encouraging your loved ones to go for it. I'm here for you.

Imagine how you behave when you are in a public space. You hold back. You don't want to be seen taking selfies of yourself jumping for joy or dancing your ass off. It can be a bit embarrassing, and it's definitely not cool. "Jeez, maintain your composure!" Then again, one of the biggest conundrums of life is that the most embarrassing things are often the coolest, and the coolest thing of all will always to be loved and celebrated for being your true self. Oddly enough, we cannot be our complete selves when we are by our lonesome. We need someone to laugh at our jokes, to feel our strength, to receive our love, and to acknowledge our existence. While smartphones and their selfie capabilities make a good attempt at fulfilling this role, it still falls short due to the fact that it will only ever be an inanimate object. This is where the photographer steps in. 

The role of the photographer is not just to take a photo. You are there to acknowledge, to motivate, to support. Yes, it's okay to look off into the distance. It's okay to put on your sexy face for this portrait. Yes, it's okay to hold each other lovingly as you are silhouetted against the sunset.

That's right, go ahead – be tough, be strong, be sexy.

Deep down inside every individual is the desire to be perceived a certain way. If not, we wouldn't spend so much money on clothes, hair gel, self-help books, gym memberships, and good-looking partners. Photographs solidify these aspirations. It is a stamp in the record books. This is who I am.

Selfies and selfie sticks don't do it justice. It's too narcissistic. You look too full of yourself. An individual aside from yourself documenting who you are? That's believable. That's honest. People will buy that.

The photographer’s job is to allow for this deep desire to come out unharmed, to support, to encourage, to motivate, to say it's okay. I'm here for you.

Next time you go out and photograph someone, nurture the relationship. Let them know that in your presence it is okay to be who they truly are, or who they wish to be. In this way, you as the photographer are giving the greatest gift of all – the gift of acceptance.

by Jason Lam