10 LIFE LESSONS I LEARNED THROUGH SHOOTING FILM

1) Get it right the first time. In shooting film, as in life, you have a limited number of shots. If and when an opportunity presents itself, take the extra time and care to do the best job you possibly can. By doing so, you will create more opportunities for yourself in the future. Don’t be lazy. You can do it.

2) Don’t let “perfect,” be the enemy of “good.” You are trying your best, so embrace your mistakes. You won’t get it right all the time. You will fail. Your work and your life will not turn out as perfectly as you imagined. Embrace the mistakes of others as well. It’s not the end of the world if what you do is not perfect. Be happy that it is good. Be happy that you tried. If anything, while your work may be complete garbage to you, it could be amazing to others.

3) Enjoy the now. When I’m out taking pictures, I am constantly looking for the next best thing. Just like in life, the grass always seems to be greener on the other side and we do everything we can to get there instead of enjoying what we have here at this very moment. When I am shooting film, I eventually run out of shots and I have to put my camera down. That is when I am reminded that we also have a limited amount of time here on earth, and to stop wasting time searching for the next best thing. There is no next best thing. The best things in life are happening right now. Enjoy it before it passes you by.

4) Accept the decisions you make in life. You’ve already taken the shot. Stop lingering and overthinking. It’s done. You can’t go back and “fix it later.” This isn’t digital. Every decision you make in life will create a dent in the slab of marble you were given at birth and those decisions will forever be a part of you, whether you like it or not. Overthinking and dwelling in the past only makes you a prisoner of your own creation. Move on and concentrate on what you can do today.

5) Focus on the things that matter in life. Unlike digital, which allows you to shoot thousands of photos in a fraction of a second, you can’t overshoot with film. You only have a roll of 36, or 12, or maybe just a handful of large format 8x10″ film slides. You simply can’t waste your time photographing things that don’t matter. It’s limited. It’s valuable. Your life. Don’t waste it.

6) Embrace your inner weirdo and accept yourself for who you are. Film is slow. People will stare as you lug around this ancient camera and shoot at things that are seemingly nothing. People will make fun of you and bombard you with questions. You must be comfortable enough with yourself to not let that sway you. Go ahead and wear that funky shirt. Do that wacky dance. Eventually, you will find that the people making fun of you the most will also be the ones who admire you the most. Funny how that works, huh?

7) Know when to stop. The idea that nothing, not even happiness, lasts forever makes some of us sad. But what’s the fun in forever? Deadlines, limitations, and restrictions can be a good thing. You are more effective, efficient, grateful, and satisfied when you know there is an end. Vacations are fun because we know it will end. Being young and reckless is fun because we know it will end. Sex is fun because it will end. In film, it ends when you finish the last shot in your roll. Time to put the camera away. Oddly enough, it’s the knowledge that something is going to end that makes it fun and worthwhile. Scarcity can actually be pleasurable. Are you unconsciously ruining things for yourself because you don’t know when to stop?

8) Work with your hands. Shooting film is a very physical process. Load the film. Go on an adventure. Take pictures. Rewind. Unload the film and stash it away. The digital world with its touchscreen phones and hands-free devices are incredibly convenient but, as a result, we neglect our primal senses of smell, sight, touch, taste, and hearing. In a world where we have become more connected with one another, we have become less connected with ourselves and Mother Earth. While that may sound a bit odd, I think there is value in investing our time in activities that can help us reconnect with the physical world. So cook a meal from scratch. Go out for a hike. Give someone a big hug. Go out, get dirty and reconnect with the physical world. Trust me, it will make you feel much more alive.

9) Whatever you do, give it your all. Your appreciation and enjoyment of anything you do in your life usually comes down to one question: How invested are you in what you are doing at that very moment? Any thought that distracts you from focusing on what you are doing in that very moment takes away enjoyment and satisfaction. It takes happiness away. When shooting film, you must focus all your energy on that shot. You’re fully invested and it makes it fun. Stop thinking so much and focus on living a full life.

10) Trust your instincts. There is usually only one way to photograph your subject. At least, there is only one way to photograph your subject that is most true to your heart. While any shot that comes after this initial impulse may be executed better in a technical sense, it is secondary and unnecessary. As Steve Jobs once said, “Follow your heart, because somehow, it already knows what it wants. You just have to have the courage to follow through.”

by Jason Lam

HOW YOUR ART CAN SET YOU FREE

How I’ve been feeling about my art:

I’ve created many things, but I’ve never shown much of it. I’ve always kept it under wraps thinking that there could be a better way to show it, or a better time. I’ve been doing this for many years, and though it can feel quite rational in the beginning, keeping all this art tucked away can start eating away at your soul. Whether it be paint on canvas or words on paper, art is a means of expressing yourself, and if your art is never set free, you can never be set free.

It’s like if you really love someone, but you never tell this person how you feel. You see her everyday, but you keep waiting and thinking of a better way to confess your love. You live a life of self-censorship full of hesitancy, stuttering and half steps, when what you need to do is to climb up to the highest mountain, scream at the top of your lungs and tell the whole world how much you love her. Why is it so hard to express ourselves?

This fear of true self-expression comes from the immense pressure we feel on the day-to-day basis to appear perfect at all times for the sake of public approval. All our attention is focused on the outside world and you must put on a mask of perfection and act as if your life is flawless (hence the selfies showing how awesome our lives are. #iwokeuplikethis). While you may gain popularity by maintaining this façade, it comes at a high cost. We must hide anything about ourselves that others might not like. We start hiding from ourselves, and ultimately, we end up losing who we are as individuals.

As an artist, you must admit to yourself who you really are. It is one of the scariest things you can do, but also the one thing that will bring you the most joy. You must get out of your comfort zone and confront your fears. Who are you, really? It will be difficult because answering this question will not only conflict with the perfect image you have built for others, but also because it forces you to come face to face with the inner self that you have been hiding from all these years. You must stop neglecting the less-than-perfect aspects of your identity, and accept yourself as who you really are — as opposed to who you think you ought to be. When you are connected with your true self, you finally get to express yourself in a way that is genuine and truthful. The parts of you that are usually silenced and hidden away for fear of criticism and embarrassment finally have a way out, regardless of what others think. You can finally let yourself be seen.

When you have the courage to show your true self, your life’s work now has the opportunity to live a life of its own. It is no longer just yours. It now belongs to a larger audience: the world. No more hesitation. No more weight on your shoulders. No more words left unsaid. Your work is out there. Your love is out there. And that’s all you can really ever do. Create your best, most honest work from your heart, and let it be known. What happens next? I have no idea, but at least this way you can stop hiding from yourself and pretending you have your shit together all the time. Most people don’t. When you take off your mask of perfection, speak from your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable, you get to be human again.

And in that moment, you are free.

by Jason Lam

HOW SHOULD YOU LIVE THIS LIFE?

How should you live this life?

When you can’t find a way or an answer, it’s only natural to get frustrated. It feels as if you’ve done all you can. You’ve summoned up all this courage, paved your own road, yet you still manage to reach a point where you just don’t know where to go anymore. You begin to ask yourself, “Should I just go back and take the safe route like everyone else?” They seem fine. It’s proven, and it works. You think to yourself that maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all. You convince yourself that going the safe route will resolve all problems and answer all your questions.

Then again, when you decide to go the safe route, you’re then faced with a new set of problems. “I feel so empty inside. I don’t feel like I’m living my life to the fullest. I feel so insignificant.” Because by moving backwards, you’ve given up on the way you want to live and the impact you want to have on the world. You’ve given up on your outlook, your voice, your journey and, most important of all, you’ve given up on yourself.

But there will always come a point where you’ll see or hear something that will once again trigger that deep burning question inside of you:

“Who am I?”

Because up until the point you decided to give up and join the masses, you were at least going out and doing your own experiments. These experiments led to new answers, new ways of thinking and new results. You were making your own conclusions about life.

But now you’re back here… back in the comforts of the majority… uncomfortably comfortable.

What do you do? Sometimes it’s almost like there are only two options in life: Take the safe route but feel absolutely empty inside or take the road less traveled, but life is a struggle.

Luckily for us, it’s never that extreme. In every situation we find ourselves in, there is always a bit of both, and we have the option of taking a side. You can blend in once in a while to feel safe and supported. Other times, you can formulate your own opinion and maintain your sense of self.

Point being, as long as you are proactive about going out and gaining first hand experience about how you want to live your life, then it is your choice to make. Don’t ever live life simply because of a popular slogan you heard or because someone else forced something on you. Experiment. Create an educated, sound and profound decision that is uniquely yours based solely on your personal experiences.

And share it with us because, believe it or not, we want to know the answers to the questions you’re asking too. So don’t you dare give up on us.

As your life and your work inspires me to keep moving forward, I share my work – my words, my photos, and my point of view – because I want to return the love and encourage you. If you are ever feeling brave and fearless, I hope you will follow through, find yourself and live the life you want to live. If you are ever feeling weak and lonely, I hope you are reminded that you are not alone.

Because we all feel the same emotions, we all go through similar processes in life and because we're all still searching.

by Jason Lam

ARE YOU ENOUGH? (I THINK SO)

I want to live in Taiwan and spend a good portion of my life learning Chinese and getting back in touch with my Chinese identity. Is that enough? I want to spend the rest of my life taking portraits of people. Is that enough? I want to live my life with the people that I love and care about. Is that enough?

I would really like to think it is enough, but this question will always be followed up with, “Will you be making money?” And another follow up-question, “Are you making enough money?”

Money. How much money is enough? I understand it is something we need in order to survive in the modern world. It doesn’t rank too high on my list of priorities, but knowing that I cannot focus on the things that matter without food and shelter, I will invest enough time and energy on it to survive. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Find the life that you want to live, and find a way to survive.

I’ve had many experiences in my life, many dreams and aspirations, but the one thing that matters most to me is to spend my time with the people that I love. If I achieve nothing else in life – if my bank accounts are at zero, if nobody knows my name, I have no rewards, no recognition – I would like to, at the least, lay on my deathbed knowing that I spent my life with the people I loved, and for them to know that I loved them dearly. Is that enough?

I really hope so, because to me, nothing is enough if you don’t first spend your time with your loved ones. No money, no job, no stardom can replace that.

Are you enough?

by Jason Lam

THIS IS WHAT A LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM LOOKS LIKE

It starts with an inability to say “hello” because you don’t believe that you are someone worth meeting. Even after you’ve met, the next time you see each other, you’ll find a way to convince yourself that this person doesn’t remember you, so once again, no need for a greeting.

In the classroom setting, you don’t ever raise your hand because you don’t believe that you have anything valuable to say. It’s the same for work settings, or even at home with your family, friends or girlfriend. I won’t speak up because I have nothing worthy to add to the conversation, even if you’ve asked me for my opinion over a million times.

You don’t invite anyone to any of your special occasions because you don’t believe that anyone cares. No birthday parties. Nobody wants to come. No invites to my graduation or any of my performances because I’m not worth it. That’s the worse, when you don’t even have the guts to tell people that it’s your birthday.

A lack of self-esteem is scariest in love because no matter how much your girlfriend loves you, you will always find a way to be alone. Because you don’t believe that you are someone worthy of meeting or being remembered. Because you don’t believe that you have anything valuable to add to anyone’s life. Because you place yourself at such a low level, you feel that anyone who loves you has simply made a mistake, and the least you could do is help them by running away and allowing them to find someone better. You are convinced that you are never enough, and whether or not it is true, you make it so.

At the end of the day, a lack of self-esteem leaves you bitter, cold and alone. The funny thing is that you then start wondering how you got yourself here in the first place. Even funnier is that you already have friends, family and tons of potential lovers just dying to be with you, help you and support you … heck, even spend the rest of their life with you.

You’re not used to it. I get it. You’ve grown so accustomed to doing everything yourself. I understand that, too. Somehow you’ve tricked yourself into believing that no one cares, and it probably all started at that young age when kids are trained to just shut up and listen to authority. Sure, I know there is a bunch of other elements involved: culture, upbringing, media, etc.

But you need to stop hiding from the spotlight. The light is there, shining in all its radiant glory. Now, you can choose to stay on the sidelines each and every time your moment arrives, but you can also choose to bath in the spotlight as you were very well meant to. Everybody has a time to shine in their lives – why not you?

Try it. You’ll realize that people actually want to see you there. They’ve been dying to see you. They’ve been waiting for so long. How dare you make them wait? How dare you withhold your gifts and talents from a world that needs them so badly? People will smile, they will applaud, and best of all, they’ll be inspired by YOU and by your courage to put yourself out there. You’ll realize you’re not alone, and that you were never alone to begin with. Maybe it wasn’t so obvious before, but you’ll find out that everybody has their share of self-esteem issues. That’s what makes us human. We all feel weak at times and stronger other times.

One thing’s for sure, all the people wanting to see you, to support you, and to help you can’t do anything if you don’t first help yourself.

You need to take the first step.

So please come into the spotlight. We’ve been waiting for you for a very long time.

by Jason Lam

20 JET LAGGED THOUGHTS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT BUT I WILL TELL YOU ANYWAY

It’s Day 4 since returning to the States after spending two wonderful months in Taiwan. It’s currently 10:47 at night here in San Francisco. 1:47 in the afternoon over in Taipei. Here are some jet-lagged thoughts you absolutely don’t care about, but I will tell you anyway:

1. No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.
   

2. I usually read a ton of books, but I’m reading drastically less this year. It’s okay though. Better to properly digest all this new information than to keep cramming things into my brain.
   

3. I like this version of me. I can more or less communicate, read, and write in Chinese. I can communicate with my friends in Taiwan. I can make new friends. I can even fall in love. I like this version of me. Do you like this version of you?

4. 宋冬野

5. Voice lessons

6. Should I move to Taiwan?

7. Knowing that I will most definitely fall asleep before 12 a.m. is comforting and very efficient in a way. It forces me to get everything done before then. I know I’ll fall asleep. No sleepless nights rolling around for no reason. 12 a.m. Shop is closed. Efficient.

8. What does a couple do after they’re past the fun and exciting “Getting to know you phase?” How do you keep the flame alive? Figure that out, and you’ll be a millionaire.

9. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

10. As long as you have people by your side that care about you, anything is possible. I truly believe that.

11. How much suffering should one endure before they call it quits? When is the pain no longer worth it?

12. People like to be the “type” that can handle a long-distance relationship. Unfortunately, most people are just that.

13. When you like something, you don’t always have to know why.

14. Eat slowly.

15. I dance hustle just for fun. A hobby. I don’t do it for the money, for the fame, nothing. Funny enough, when you expect nothing, you get everything.

16. Don’t look back.

17. I barely spent anytime on social media during my two months in Taiwan. I think time spent scrolling through your Facebook or Instagram feed can equate to how little quality time you are actually spending with your friends, family, or even yourself. Because if you were actually spending quality time with them, you wouldn’t be wasting it on social media looking at what everybody else is doing. I’ve only been back for 4 days, and I’ve already spent way more time scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed than I should have. Terrible. But is it also because all my friends and family are also doing the same? Sigh.

18. American culture is a bit absurd. Why must we drink so much protein and work out so much? Doesn’t make any sense to me. Sure, I guess it looks good if you’re part of the American audience – though to the rest of the world, you just look fat.

19. After all my travels, I find it quite hard to define anything or have a standard way of viewing life based on any one country’s way of thinking. Diet, muscles, clothing, dating, alcohol, art, dancing, the freakin’ weather. While everyone sees it like that, I, on the contrary, can only see it as, “Yeah, sure, I can see why you may think that way.” If I was an element, I’d be water. If I was a martial art, I’d be Jeet Kune Do. Style of no style. Form of formlessness.

20. Life is so much better in love.

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU NEED TO START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

A funny thing happens when you don’t believe in yourself. Others won’t believe in you either, and then all the doors that were once open to you are now closed. And who closed them? You did.

Another funny thing is that self-confidence has absolutely nothing to do with your actual skill level. While it is easy to think that there is a direct correlation between the two, there really isn’t. Though it is definitely common to see talented people with a great sense of self-confidence, there are still plenty of other talented people who have a great lack of self-confidence.

A lack of self-confidence can come from within, but most often it comes from our upbringing and our surroundings, which we then internalize. Were people supportive of your endeavors? Or were you left alone to figure things out yourself? Were your achievements rewarded? Or did people barely even notice? If there was no trust and support, you start to believe that this is normal. It is normal for people to not be supportive of your endeavors. It is normal for people not to notice your achievements … And then you begin the slow process of closing yourself off.

You no longer seek support. You no longer invite people to your exhibits, performances or even a school graduation. Then again, you continue working, you get better and better, and one day people start to notice and compliment you. But by then it’s too late. You’ve become numb to the pain of having to traverse this journey alone, and therefore you’ve also become numb to the fruits of your labor.

People start requesting to work with you. They tell you they’re fans of your work and want to collaborate with you. But you say no. You keep saying no and, in a way, it’s retribution for all the sleepless nights you had to spend alone working on your craft with no one there to even say a simple, “Good job.”

“Back then they didn’t want me. Now I’m hot, they all on me”

“Oh, now you want me?!” A natural response. I completely understand. I even think you should stay in that zone for bit; not just to get it out of your system, but specifically so that you can experience how much lonelier it can be at the top. You thought it was rough before? Think again.

You need those open doors, and you need to walk in.

Enough with the self-pity. We know; nobody believed in you back then, but now they do. Enjoy it. And if you can’t, learn to enjoy it.

What’s worse than being a person of no skill that nobody notices? Being a person of great talent that everybody adores but nobody dares to confront because you don’t believe in yourself. Heck, if that’s the case, you mind as well be an asshole! But you’re not. You’re a nice person. Everybody loves you. Let them love you. Learn to accept love again despite never having received it before.

Walk through the door. One door will lead to the next … And sooner or later you’ll realize that there has always been someone supportive by your side. You just had to find them.

In other words, you have to be your own biggest fan before others can be a fan of you.

by Jason Lam

FEATURED IN SAN FRANCISCO MAGAZINE

Featured in the April 2015 issue of San Francisco Magazine! This was a special issue focusing on San Francisco Chinatown. It's great to be able to contribute to the community and share our local goodies! Yum!

ON PAST FEAR AND THE PRESENT

Past fears and pain works in funny ways. Everything can be completely fine in the present, but because you’ve experienced pain before, you know damn well that it’s still a possibility for it to present itself again. Whether or not there is a probable chance of re-encountering this painful experience in the present is of little significance. What matters most is not the myriad of other twists and turns your life can take for the better, but that the pain is still out there. Knowing this makes it real. Knowledge of past pain becomes a parasite to your present condition; if not physically, then simply a mental roadblock that you cannot seem to get rid of.

I guess we can find solace in knowing that life always has several paths it can take, and not just the one that is clearest to us.

by Jason Lam

THE MOST EMOTIONAL YOGA CLASS EVER

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

I’ve been taking yoga classes twice a week. At my most recent session, the yoga instructor read this very quote out loud to us and I finally came to truly understand what it all means. You see, because I’ve been feeling quite fearful – which has led me to feeling hesitant, which then led me to feeling sorry for myself for being so weak. After all my travels and proactive self-improvement, I still managed to get myself stuck in a rut: back home with my parents and actually trying (though failing horribly) to live a “normal life” and do a “normal job.” I’ve become quite confused because I feel equal parts courage and fear ... equal parts capable and incapable, or to sum it up in a phrase: “I know I can, but for some reason, I can’t.” But then again, If I can, then why can I not?

Because I feel that I am undeserving of such power. How coincidental, our deepest fear – my deepest fear was never that I was inadequate. My deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure. It is my light, not my darkness that most frightens me. I ask myself, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who am I not to be?”

Can I actually make a difference? Can I be my true self and not be embarrassed? Can I shine my light despite the darkness surrounding me?

“You will fall,” the yoga instructor says as we begin getting into our tree pose. “We all have this voice in our heads telling ourselves, don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall ... but one day you will, and that’s okay because you can get right back up and pick up right where you left off.”

I think back to my younger teenage days when I grew my hair long across my face, when I never hesitated to let people know how much I loved Jay Chou, when I completely poured my heart out on Xanga without a care of what my privacy settings were, and how heartbroken I’d be when the girl I confessed my love to broke the news that she already likes somebody else. You would think that growing older means becoming more courageous and unrelenting about showing off who you really are. But I look back to my teenage years and I find that I was quite powerful, unrelenting, and much less hesitant than I am today. It’s funny. I guess the harder I’ve tried to stand out, the more I’ve just ended up blending in by taking on the excess fear bearing down on those surrounding me. Their deepest fear also being that they are powerful beyond measure, and so they do nothing. But all eyes are on me as I make the first move, then all of the sudden they beg the question, “Who are you to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” To which I’ll just have to respond by saying, “Actually, who are you not to be?”

As the class came to a close, we are instructed to bring our right leg up to the pigeon pose, to take a deep breath in, then a little deeper, and to exhale as the whole class erupts in a giant “ahhh..........” The yoga instructor tells us to be conscious of our thoughts, our actions, our feelings; that everything that happened earlier today is no longer happening, that we are here now, and to just be present and breathe. “Just breathe,” he says to all of us. “No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.” Surprisingly, my eyes became misty. How truthful.

I think it is easy to play the victim. Not to say whatever harmed us in the past did not play a major role in our pain, but many times playing the victim can be just another easy way out. It allows for excuses. The tiny voices in our heads keep up the chatter because, in a way, it feels good. Playing the role of the victim becomes part of our identity. It feels good to complain about our unfortunate position because it draws attention, hugs, friends patiently sitting beside you as you repeat your pitiful story for the hundredth time and tell you, “Aww it’s going to be okay” – the whole nine yards. The whole time unknowingly justifying our deepest fears of being inadequate. Well, as the yoga instructor said unto us earlier today, “No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.” He continued, “And if that sounds depressing, then screw it.” His way of giving us permission to crawl back into the fetal position crying for help. But as scary as it sounded, I found it incredibly liberating.

“No one is coming to save you, so you can stop waiting.”

So scary. Yet, so liberating. Because you truly are in control of your own destiny, and frankly, everybody, even your closest friends, are way too busy dealing with their own messy lives to handhold you every step of the way.

So do something about it.

Whenever I mention anything regarding my pursuit of art, Dad’s favorite response is, “There’s only one Zhang Yimou,” to which I now say, “There’s only one Jason Lam.”

And as the class came to a close, and I lay on my back with limbs stretched out, he sounds the crystal singing bowl. As the hum momentarily takes over the entire room and thus my entire consciousness, it wipes out all inhibitions and fear. For those brief moments, I am free and truly understand that playing small does not serve the world. And if I am ever to feel an ounce of fear, it is not because I am inadequate but because I am powerful beyond measure.

by Jason Lam

FEATURED IN THE NEW YORK TIMES

Today is a very special day. My story documenting Chinese-American lion dancers has been featured in the New York Times Lens Blog, along with New York Times Metropolitan, and International New York Times. This means so much to me. Thank you to all my classmates and teachers from the International Center of Photography that helped me along the way. Thank you John for putting me in touch with lion dancers out here in New York City. And a very special thank you to Team WCM for taking me in and allowing me to share this wonderful ancient art form with the world. 

I HOPE YOU FIND CLARITY

I hope you find clarity, or at least moments in which clarity reveals itself to you. When you do find these moments, I wish for you to grab hold of them and try your best not to let go, for moments of clarity are few and far between. Clarity never appears when you are searching for it, so don’t look too hard. But take notice of the situations you are in when clarity does show up. Then do yourself a favor and go back to these situations every so often. Be patient, and it will come back. I promise you.

Finding clarity is the best thing you can do for yourself because clarity does not let you lie. Clarity is honesty in its purest form. A rare gem. It won't make you do anything though. It's just there. You never even have to find it in the first place. Then again, if you've found clarity – even the slightest glimpse of it— then you owe it to yourself to at least have the courage to look a bit further, and to dig a bit deeper.

Clarity does not necessarily bring with it good or bad news. It just is, and it is up to you to make do with what it has to tell you. But first you must listen, and I hope you have the courage to listen.

Remember not to look too hard – just be aware so you notice when clarity reveals itself.

Good luck.

by Jason Lam

STOP APOLOGIZING FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE

I honestly don't really give a crap about posting pretty pictures of me looking stoically out into the landscape during my trip to [insert so-called exotic place here]. What are those people trying to prove anyway? For popularity? Admiration? To create envy? I rarely talk about my travels unless I have to, like right now. Maybe I still have a bitter taste in my mouth after having traveled a good bunch, only to have one of previous girlfriends absolutely hate me for having so much fun ... without her. How selfish of me, right?

The calm before the storm...

Well, now for the sake of preserving harmony, I won't say anything. How about that? I won't tell you about my highs. But I also won't tell you about my lows. I'll just tell you what's safe. Like how I went to do yoga today – no pictures of course, that would be mean. New restaurants? I've tried them all, but you won't know that.

Eventually we'll reach cruising altitude. Not much shutters from the lift off, no more troublesome pre-cautionary requirements. Just cruising, and maybe the subtle hum of time going past, but that'll be all. Then one day, out of the blue, you'll ask, "How come we don't talk anymore?" I'll play it nice, I'll say, "I don't know, I guess that's what happens when people are together for a long time." When what I wanted to say was, "Because I can't tell you anything without you getting pissed off." After a delayed pause, you'll fail to think of a contributing response, and we'll fall silent again. Hmm ... cruising is so nice ... Isn't it?

The explosion.

"Do you love me?" She asks. "I don't know," You reply. Sobbing. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" You think to yourself, should I tell her now? Or later? But fuck it, I can't take it anymore either. "Because you criticize every little thing I say or do."

Shock, met with confusion.

You realize to yourself, that wow … she had no idea. She had no idea what she has been putting you through. She's just being herself.

You start to feel the slight pinch of being mistaken. Because, for all you know, she was doing all these things knowingly, consciously, just like you.

Then you realize ... How stupid of me to actually believe that everybody behaves the same way I do. Too late to abort mission now. You continue.

"I feel like I can't be myself around you. It's like I'm constantly being watched, you're constantly commenting on every little thing I do, and there is always something wrong."

She makes you feel inadequate. The worst pain a man can feel with a woman.

You make her feel unwanted ... But it's her fault, you convince yourself. Accept her criticism as part of the pain that comes with the love? No thanks. I'll just huddle up in my protective shell. She can't hurt what she can't see.

The devastation after the storm.

You can't stay huddled up any longer. Life is calling, and you have to answer. You come out of your shell – this protective alcove you've created for yourself your entire life and you realize you’ve played as much of a part in this mess you created as she did.

Where you went wrong was not going out and living the life that you wanted and doing all the things you ever wished to do. Where you went wrong was deciding to live a lesser version of yourself for the sake of preserving the harmony around you, even if it meant a false perception of harmony.

You said “Sorry,” when you should've said, “So what?” or better yet, “Fuck You.”

You need to stop apologizing for being who you are. You need to ruffle some feathers and you're going to piss some people off. And if your friends and lovers aren’t down with that, then it's on to the next one. Better to live a life with a pack of haters if it means you can find some true lovers.

Forget about cruising. Aim too high. Fall way too low. Instead of saying “Sorry,” say “Fuck you.” Because while pleasing everybody means a life with no haters, it also means a life in which no one loves you. Be yourself. Be more of yourself. Polarize those around you. Make them fight. Piss them off. At least in that way, you know who stands by your side. Because there's nothing more terrifying than a life with a lot of friends without a single clue about whom you can count on.

by Jason Lam

THIS IS WHY YOU MISS YOUR CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

It's easy to remember the “good old days” in hindsight, even if it means missing your crazy ex-girlfriend. Because in hindsight, it feels better to remember how much she loved you, not how much that love was borderline psycho. In hindsight, you'll only remember how she would be the only person to call or text you at the end of the day to say goodnight, which made you feel cared for, loved. But you don't remember how you just wished she would get off your back about all that, "Do we REALLY have to do this EVERY NIGHT?!" In hindsight, you start wondering to yourself whether or not it was a good idea to break up with this crazy girlfriend of yours because now you're alone, unemployed, and all these dating apps don't seem to be working as good as you thought they would.

I recently watched a TED talk about why veterans miss war and find it so difficult to transition back into normal life. The conclusion was that regardless of how dangerous life at war is, you at least know that every single soldier by your side has got your back. In essence, soldiers would rather take a life-threatening situation with brothers they can trust versus an easy life where they have no idea who they can count on. I guess it's the same with crazy ex-girlfriends...

You're in the thick of it and you just can't wait to get out. Then again, when you get out, and there isn't a crazy girlfriend chiming in on every little thing you do, you wonder, is anyone going to chime in? Does anyone even know I exist? All of the sudden, the crazy ex-girlfriend doesn’t seem so bad. Yeah maybe she was a little over the top but at least you knew she loved you. When accustomed with the tumultuous battlefield of such fanatic love, it can be difficult transitioning back to normal life where you're just an average Joe, and most people wouldn’t think to look at you twice. Alienation at its finest.

You miss your crazy ex-girlfriend because at times it was actually worth it. You knew you could call her in the middle of the night, piss drunk, and have a place to stay. And you'd probably get breakfast made for you the next morning. You knew she would always want to have sex with you, and sex with crazy girls will always be the best sex. You knew that if you were stranded on an island, she'd probably come out and save you. Yeah, you'll have to deal with her jealousy, provide her with all your undying attention, etc., but in times like those, she didn't seem too bad ... in hindsight.

Having been so used to someone who was so crazy in love with you, when you’re finally given the chance to be alone, your own person, it is terrifying. Add on to that, your new potential girlfriends couldn't give two fucks about what you do, or whether or not you called or responded to her text messages. Actually, nobody seems to care enough about you all of the sudden. No overly tight hugs, no enthusiastic "I love you,” no gut-wrenching laughing spells, no highs, no lows, just a smooth ride – maybe a little too smooth.

But that's what you wanted all along, isn't it? No, what you wanted was the good without the bad, as we all do. Then again you've matured since then, and realized there's no such thing as highs without lows. No such thing as a lover without some cons to their pros. Which is why in hindsight, your crazy ex-girlfriend doesn't seem so crazy after all, and maybe the highs were worth the lows.

But who are you kidding? You don’t actually miss the craziness. You don’t miss her at all. What you miss is the feeling of being loved, the connection, the passion, the reassurance, the acknowledgement that you exist, and that someone out here in this chaotic world cares about you. Somebody that loves you more than you love yourself – now who wouldn’t miss that?

You've come too far. You've felt the highs and though you hated the lows, it's too late to settle for someone who doesn't suffocate you with their love. Funny thing is, all men will say their girlfriends are crazy if they manage to stay with them long enough. But that's probably a good thing. We honestly wouldn't feel right if you weren't crazy at least some of the time.

Still, who are you to think that you don't have a couple issues yourself? That your “crazy” ex-girlfriend didn't feel the same about you? If “In hindsight, everything is 20/20,” maybe you’ll start realizing that at the end of the day, you were the crazy one. Then again, you're not crazy if you find someone else to be crazy with.*

It’s time to find yourself another crazy girlfriend.

by Jason Lam

WHY PHOTOGRAPHERS NEED TO DIRECT

The role of the photographer goes beyond just taking a picture. In many ways, the photographer is very much the muse that allows the subject to do what they were placed on earth to do.

When you direct and tell someone or a couple to do all these “cheesy” poses – to look off into the distance, to look strong, to hold each other lovingly – what you are doing is giving your subjects the PERMISSION to finally do what they've actually been wanting to do all along. You, as the photographer, are the viewer that acknowledges the existence of the subject. You encourage the subject to be who they truly want to be. You motivate them to be seen how they truly want to be seen. In this sense, you are more than just a voyeur; you are like the snake charmer, luring the snake out of its cave. You are like the coach, bringing out the best in your players. You are like the best friend, or the parent, encouraging your loved ones to go for it. I'm here for you.

Imagine how you behave when you are in a public space. You hold back. You don't want to be seen taking selfies of yourself jumping for joy or dancing your ass off. It can be a bit embarrassing, and it's definitely not cool. "Jeez, maintain your composure!" Then again, one of the biggest conundrums of life is that the most embarrassing things are often the coolest, and the coolest thing of all will always to be loved and celebrated for being your true self. Oddly enough, we cannot be our complete selves when we are by our lonesome. We need someone to laugh at our jokes, to feel our strength, to receive our love, and to acknowledge our existence. While smartphones and their selfie capabilities make a good attempt at fulfilling this role, it still falls short due to the fact that it will only ever be an inanimate object. This is where the photographer steps in. 

The role of the photographer is not just to take a photo. You are there to acknowledge, to motivate, to support. Yes, it's okay to look off into the distance. It's okay to put on your sexy face for this portrait. Yes, it's okay to hold each other lovingly as you are silhouetted against the sunset.

That's right, go ahead – be tough, be strong, be sexy.

Deep down inside every individual is the desire to be perceived a certain way. If not, we wouldn't spend so much money on clothes, hair gel, self-help books, gym memberships, and good-looking partners. Photographs solidify these aspirations. It is a stamp in the record books. This is who I am.

Selfies and selfie sticks don't do it justice. It's too narcissistic. You look too full of yourself. An individual aside from yourself documenting who you are? That's believable. That's honest. People will buy that.

The photographer’s job is to allow for this deep desire to come out unharmed, to support, to encourage, to motivate, to say it's okay. I'm here for you.

Next time you go out and photograph someone, nurture the relationship. Let them know that in your presence it is okay to be who they truly are, or who they wish to be. In this way, you as the photographer are giving the greatest gift of all – the gift of acceptance.

by Jason Lam

10 ALTERNATIVES TO FINDING YOUR "PASSION"

I personally don’t like the word “passion.” I think it’s a loaded word, but everybody seems bent on finding it, so I might as well help you along your path.

1) Who do you admire? Though I can’t say I have found my passion, I do have a few people that make me say to myself, “Wow, I want to be just like him.” You probably admire multiple people, and your ideal self is a mishmash of all those people combined. While everybody has been preaching looking within, sometimes it’s easier to look out and see what you like. So who do you admire? And to take it a step further, what do they do? And how can you get yourself closer to that?

2) If you’re in a bookstore, which section do you go to first? I’ve always gravitated toward the self-help section for some reason. And if it wasn’t the self-help section, it was the travel section. Funny enough, I never really found myself in the photography section too often, but only because I view photography as a tool we must utilize to talk about something else. Frankly speaking, I can’t use this tool unless I have something important to say. Which part of the bookstore have you been finding yourself in lately?

3) If there was a zombie apocalypse and you were the sole survivor, would you still be doing it? The basic infrastructure of life as we know it no longer exists. The typical 9-5 is gone. No more mortgage, health insurance, or fuss about a 401k match. It’s just you and the world. What would you still be doing?

4) When you are left alone, what are you drawn to? When I’m left alone, I’m drawn to thinking, seeing, and creating imaginative stories in my head, which ultimately leads me to write everything down. So when I am left alone, I write. I can’t help but write. It seems quite second nature to me. What about you?

5) If you painted a canvas of your ideal life, what would it look like? How different would it be from the life you’re living now? What can you do today that can make your life look more like the painting of your ideal life?

6) What has your inner voice been telling you to do? What do you want more of? If there is something you have been thinking about for a long time, chances are you need to go and do it. The reality is you’re going to end up doing it anyway, so any time spent doing otherwise is just time wasted. As Bruce Lee says, "If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made of." I want to create more great work, both in writing and photography, and that is what I will do.

7) What are you glad you let go of? Letting go comes with many negative connotations because it can feel like giving up, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do for yourself. Why did you let go? Sometimes knowing what you want means knowing what you don't want. Sounds simple, but this subtle distinction will help you avoid making the same mistakes further down the line.

8) What do you want your days to look like? I like this question because it forces us to think about the lifestyle you would have if you were to follow your passion instead of only focusing on what you should be doing. By posing the question this way, we can work our way backward from the life that we want to live and, ultimately, the type of work most suitable to sustain this lifestyle.

9) What gives you goosebumps? We get goosebumps when we are either cold or frightened, but fear can be interpreted as a sign that you are on the right path. I get goosebumps at the thought that my work can actually make a difference. It's scary, but it's a sign that perhaps I am headed the right direction.

10) What do you want people to remember you for? Someday, people will summarize your life in a single sentence or word. What do you want it to be? Inspiring. I want to be remembered as someone who inspired others to get what they want out of life. If by coming in contact with me or my work, I enriched your life in some way, inspired you to overcome your fears and take a step closer towards the person you want to be and the life you want to live, then I have done my job.

by Jason Lam

A FEW TIPS ON BEING AN ARTIST

1) Don't look at other people's work.

2) Don't listen to what other people have to say, good or bad.

3) Only rely on the critiques of the few people you trust.

4) Try switching styles, experiment.

5) Sometimes you will suck and that's okay.

6) Never stop learning about yourself. Self awareness leads to a clearer sense of self + art.

7) Don't rush.

8) Show your work. Don't wait til it's perfect.

9) Nothing is original. Everything is a remix.

10) Don't just show the product. Show the process.

11) Bring your body into your work. Ideas don't just come from the brain.

12) Mess around. Go out and do try new things. 

13) Get a day job and keep it. You'll get the same amount of work done anyway. (Parkinson's Law)

14) It's not just how good you are, it's also how likable you are.

15) Give more questions than answers.

16) Stop learning. Start thinking, Start creating.

17) Let your subjects guide you.

18) Art doesn't have to be serious. Don't be afraid to be humorous.

19) You are what you choose to let into your life.

20) What comes from the heart goes to the heart.

(This is a transcription of art notes from a piece of paper I kept on my bedroom wall when I was a living in NYC)

by Jason Lam

WE JUST WANT TO HANG WITH THE COOL KIDS

Stop all this talk about finding your passion / doing what you love / doing work that gives your life meaning. If we really get down to it, we just want to hang with the cool kids. 

When we were children in the playground, we looked around at the yard, figured out who’s having the most fun, and jumped in. During my time, it was basketball, dodgeball, hopscotch, kickball, pogs, digimon, and, of course, tag. It was that simple. I wanted to hang with the kid with the Lunchables. I wanted to play tag with the kid getting chased by all the girls. I wanted to be with the cool kids.

These days, the cool kids seem to be the models, the professional athletes, designers, photographers, and – who would’ve thought – even techies are cool now. So now we have all these people that are unhappy because all of the sudden, there isn’t enough space on the playground. The “cool” section has reached full capacity and, unfortunately, you were not picked. Sorry, you have to work as an accountant, a secretary, a receptionist, a waiter, or a retailer at some dead-end company. [Cool points extremely lacking.]

The reality is there isn’t enough space for all of us to hang out with the cool kids. That's why there’s all this anxiety about work-life balance, why there is an over-consumption of self-help books, and the reason why the term “FOMO” even exists. Forget passion, forget meaning, you’re just upset because you can’t hang with the cool kids.

The funny thing is the cool kids aren’t defined by the activity, it’s defined by the people. I’m sure you’ve met actors, models, photographers, and designers who really weren't that cool. So who’s to say you can’t be the coolest accountant, or the coolest waiter, or the coolest receptionist? Are you really responding to the fact that models, photographers, professional athletes, and artists are cool? Or are you reacting to the facade that the media presents to us? Speaking from personal experience – photoshoots really aren’t that exciting, movie sets aren’t any different, and I’ve met some models who really just didn’t give a fudge. How about that? You work all your life searching for the golden ticket only to find out that the chocolate factory doesn’t have any chocolate in it.

LAME.

Lucky for us, unlike the playground, we’re not the only kid who wasn’t chosen to be on the team. A bunch of us have been “left out” so to speak; who’s to say we can’t band together and start our own club of “Cool Kids”? At the end of the day, it’s not even about being cool. It is, however, about being comfortable with who you are wherever you are. That’s an entirely different type of cool in itself. 

We just want to hang with the cool kids. But who’s to say you’re not already a cool kid?

by Jason Lam

8 WAYS TO DECLUTTER AND RE-FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS IN LIFE

Ok, I admit, I'm just talking about myself. My life is overflowing with too much stuff. Here are some techniques I use to get rid of the clutter and really focus on the things that matter in life:

1) Turn off your phone. Ok fine, just put it on silent. The world isn't going to end. I put my phone on silent every night when I go to bed. I even turn off the data, and when I wake in the morning, I don't turn the data back on until I've had sufficient time for myself. (Brush my teeth, eat breakfast, do some morning stretches, look out the window and thank the world for another day). 

2) Throw it out. I'm a big believer that our physical surroundings are a reflection of our inner selves. Take a look at your room. Is it overflowing with unnecessary items? How about your closet? You can't achieve a clear mind in a cluttered environment. 

3) Exercise. There are so many benefits of exercise that go beyond just the way you look. When you exercise, you eat properly in preparation for the workout, you get your heart rate up which is great for your cardiovascular system, you sweat out your toxins, you're encouraged to drink more water, and to get rid of the soreness, you actually want to stretch and maintain your flexibility. Can't find the motivation? Join a class or have a friend go with you. Can't afford it? One round of drinks is more than enough to get you a monthly membership at your local gym. No excuses. 

4) Avoid toxic people. Avoid the complainers, the whiners, the negative, and the ungrateful. Just as you are the product of your environment, you are also the product of the people you choose to be around, so don't surround yourself with toxic people. Instead, surround yourself with positive, supportive people that inspire you to live a healthy lifestyle.

5) Avoid activities that add no value. What activities are you investing your time in that provides little to no return? Do you really need to spend so many hours of your precious life scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed? Take notice of activities that don't enhance your career or personal life and cut them out.

6) Don't get angry. Most of the time we get angry because reality does not live up to our expectations. Reality often doesn't. Anger never seems to benefit anyone, and some even say that to be angry is to be a victim. Understand the anatomy of anger. Don't let it control you... next time you are confronted with anger, look past it and see the innocence.

7) Timeout. Our world has gotten so busy with the latest technological innovations. I personally don't even watch TV anymore, and recently went so far as not even turning on the radio when I drive. Be proactive about scheduling downtime so you can come back to your senses. Breath deeply. Remind yourself of the things that matter in life. Ignore the rest. Write, draw, or simply stare blankly out the window. People have made fun of me for being “out of the zone,” but maybe they're just too “in the zone.”

8) Travel. Backpacking through Europe was probably one of the most humbling experiences I've ever had in my life. I was only allowed what I could carry, so I had no choice but to focus on the essentials. Aside from the physical aspect of ridding myself of unnecessary clutter, venturing off into a different country opened up my eyes and reminded me that what I considered essential may not be so. I travel as a way to recalibrate my values, and if you can't go on a huge trip, plan a weekend getaway. Your life will be so much better for it.

It won't be easy. You're going to want to check out that new restaurant everybody's talking about. You're going to want to buy those new Nike's. You're going to want to purchase the latest iPhone, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't stop watching Game of Thrones. 

Make it a habit to focus on the things that truly matter in life. What matters? While it varies from person to person, it often comes down to spending quality time with your loved ones, doing things you're passionate about, and simply being grateful for what you have, right now.

by Jason Lam

FREELANCERS = PROBLEM SOLVERS

When people think of freelancing, they usually imagine someone being able to wake up late, work in their pajamas, and basically do whatever they want. Life must be so relaxing outside the corporate world. While it is better in many aspects, freelancers play a very important role as highly specialized problem solvers and their role must not be undermined.

We are the bridge builders.

It is not unlike the movies where the protagonist always finds himself needing the help of an unlikely hero.

We are that unlikely hero!

We’re the disregarded masterminds that have the unusual skill that is very helpful and essential to you (the client) reaching the finish line. You’ve come to an impassible chasm, and while you can see the finish line from across the way, you have no way of getting there. Without us, all the hard work you have invested in your venture will go to waste. We build the bridge that helps you surpass this chasm. We supply you with the boat to cross the river. We supply you with the magic potion that takes you to your Wonderland.

Without us, you’d be like Nike without the swoosh. 

Boy, would things be different.

I have a real soft spot for freelancers because I essentially grew up with freelancers around me as a child. My Auntie, the hairdresser. My Uncle, the cook. My dad, the construction worker. Without them, life would be very different. Respect these men and women of specialized talent, as they all play a very important role and deserve to be paid the fair share of value they provide.

by Jason Lam