HARD TRUTHS

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

99.9% of us are average at best, and that's okay

There is no inherent meaning or purpose in life, it just is

Unless there is something to be gained, people actually don't care that much about you

It's not how good you are, it's how likable you are

Failure is inevitable

Doing what is important is never comfortable

A job can ruin your life, but no job will make your life complete

Most people don't like their job because they don't like their personal life

Good talking doesn't necessarily mean good ideas

People actually want to do good work, but poor management often prevents this from happening

What you resist, persists

It's all invented

Your life is either a celebration or a chore. The choice is yours

To be angry is to be a victim

Sometimes we keep secrets from ourselves, and we call it forgetting

Life is rarely exactly the way we want it to be

Planning is just another word for guessing

Underneath most annoying behavior is a frustrated person crying out for compassion

Easy to remember all the things you do for others. Easy to forget how much others do for you.

Loving and being loved are two completely different things

When people give you advice they're really just talking to their younger selves

Stubborn people will never admit to being stubborn

It's impossible to always be happy

Most people have great ability but a lack of character

There is no there, there

Just because you want something to be true doesn't make it so

Being well off does not equal well-being

The more we have, the more we want

Perfection is an impossibility

Most of us wait too long

... Why wait?

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU DON'T LOVE THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU

Groucho Marx once said, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

What he means: As you are well aware of your flaws and weaknesses, you refuse to join a club that accepts an imperfect person such as yourself. They are just as inferior as you are and unworthy of your membership. 

What does this have to do with love?

We fall in love because it allows us to escape from the reality of our imperfect selves with someone who is, at least in our minds, perfect. When we fall in love, we place this person on a pedestal and idolize them because we believe they are better than us. Loving this person gives you hope that their perfection will make up for your weaknesses... laziness, fear, dishonesty, lack of courage, and all the other disgusting things you fill your life with. Because you can't find perfection in yourself, you find it in someone else and it is comforting to know that there is a chance that by being together, you will be perfect, too.

Most of the times, the people you love don't love you back. Sure, you'll be sad and upset, but you'll move on because you've loved many people that didn't love you back before. However once in a blue moon, you find a person that says the words, "I love you, too." That's when you stop loving them.

Why?

In the simplest terms, their act of returning love lowers their status down to yours and unlike them, you are not perfect. You are full of defects. If they return the love, that means they too, must be imperfect, full of defects, and as inferior as you are. Are they really just as broken, confused, and insecure as I am? I was hoping to escape when I fell in love, but instead, I just found a duplicate of my shitty self. There must have been a mistake...

No longer interested. Next.

You don't fall in love with people who are of the same level as you. They don't elicit any sense of awe or wonder. When you see or think of them, you're just reminded of your own mediocre strengths and inadequacies. Ugh.

You definitely don't fall in love with the people whom you feel are inferior to you. Why would you? He's short, average looking at best, and overweight. No thank you.

You always fall in love with people that are better than you though. Upgrade!

"I love you, too."

"Wait... Am I even worthy of an upgrade?" "What's wrong with this person?" I don't love anyone who is inferior and imperfect, why would they love me? It doesn't work, it doesn't make sense, and because you don't believe it to be a possibility when love is returned, you reject it.

You reject it like you've been rejecting yourself. You don't deserve it. You're not worthy.

Or are you?

At the end of the day, the people you love are normal at best. They're like everybody else. Human beings. It is your love that places them on a pedestal, which perpetuates your feelings of unworthiness.

I actually think this is quite unfair because those who return your love should not be rejected due to your own lack of self-confidence. As if there is a set criterion you must first achieve before anyone can love you. 

Do not fall prey to our own psychological hiccups. In order to be loved, you must first love yourself.

You have flaws, and so do I.

by Jason Lam

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU'RE MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION

In under 12 hours, I will be taking a one-way flight back to California. My bags are packed. My bedroom walls are empty. Someone else will take my place in this apartment as soon as I leave, and as I spend my last night here in New York City, I can't help but ask the question, "Am I making the right decision?"

This question always finds a way to present itself whenever we sum up the courage to make big “life decisions,” such as when we decide to quit our jobs and travel the world or when we decide to end a relationship with a loved one. It always presents itself at the worst possible times, like right now, the night before my departure … “Am I making the right decision?” And it doesn’t stop there because months later, you’ll still be asking yourself, “Did I make the right decision?”

I'm actually writing this post today not because I'm leaving New York City, but because I recently broke up with my girlfriend. 

"Am I making the right decision?"

To make life-altering decisions is to also believe that you will be bettering your life in some way, shape or form. Moving away from home is founded on the belief that your destination will bring you more joy, or at least a different type of joy that home was missing. Quitting your job is founded on the belief that you’ll find a better, and hopefully a higher paying job. Ending a relationship with a loved one is founded on the belief that you will find someone else who can bring you more joy ... or at the least, accept you for the shitty person that you really are.

However, hesitation can sometimes be interpreted as a sign that whatever you are pursuing is, in fact, the correct path. Steven Pressfield calls it the "Resistance." Seth Godin calls it the "Lizard Brain." Lynda Barry calls it the "Two Questions." And Greg Miller calls it the "Dragon," which is how I will be explaining this concept.

So what is the Dragon?

The Dragon is basically this gigantic monster that shows up every time you want to do anything new and risky. The Dragon is there to scare you and prevent you from succeeding. The closer you get to following through with your decisions, the stronger and scarier the Dragon becomes. Often times, the Dragon manifests itself in forms of fear, anxiety, stress, confusion, and ultimately, giving up and living a life that's just “good enough.”

I once heard a story of a doctor who, on the brink of death, had to undergo heart transplant surgery. Fortunately for him, his surgery was successful, but there was a caveat. While the arteries and veins can be reconnected after a heart transplant, the nerves cannot. As a result, whenever he felt a certain emotion, he did not feel it coming and was unable to hold back. If he was overcome with an impulse to cry, he would just begin to cry because there was nothing to alert him of the coming tears. He was granted a second chance at life but was no longer capable of suppressing his true emotions.

What is the first thing you do when you're about to cry? You hold back. The Dragon holds it back. When we want to quit our jobs, the Dragon shows up again. When we want to travel the world, the Dragon shows up once again. The Dragon is the ultimate form of fear, and the Dragon is what forces the damn question, "Am I making the right decision?"

In ”The War of Art,” author Steven Pressfield presents a rule of thumb that states: "The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it."

While your fear is not an indication of whether your decisions are right or wrong, it is at least an indication of its importance in your life. So the more fearful you are, the more important you know it is to you. After all, you wouldn't be worrying this much if it wasn't. In this way, the Dragon is not an object of terror that is to be avoided, but an indicator that we are in fact on the right path.

So what's the answer?

I don't know.

That's what makes life decisions so hard to stomach. I don't know if moving away from New York City is the right decision. I don't know if quitting my job and traveling the world is the right decision. I don't know if ending this relationship with my girlfriend is the right decision. I'll never know. We'll never know ... and while we may find comfort in believing that the future will bring more joy from our present decisions, the reality is the future doesn't exist. Planning is just another word for guessing. It is a rather scary thing to think about — that there is no there, there — that in fact, the Dragon may actually be trying to protect us from accidentally wandering off the edge of the Earth with no one to accompany you aside from feelings of being lost, confused, and filled with regret.

At least that's what the Dragon wants us to think. 

Maybe the question we should be asking is not "Am I making the right decision?" but "Am I staying true to myself?" The latter creating no possibility to commit the dreadful task of considering the hopes and pitfalls of the future or the past, and allowing us only to consider whether or not our actions correspond with what is important to ourselves. While this approach may not slay the Dragon, it will at least mediate its effect on us. After all, the many obstacles we face are only make-believe, and Dragons don't actually exist.

... but you already knew that.

by Jason Lam

SOLO EXHIBITION: STREET DANCE PROJECT

Just finished a huge piece at The Spot Dance Center with pictures from the STREET DANCE PROJECT series.

For this piece, instead of spending thousands of dollars getting framed exhibition quality art prints, we decided to go with the traditional wheatpaste technique most street artists use when bombing the streets of New York. It is imperfect, spontaneous, and even messy at times, but seeing that this is a documentation of street dancers, it was only appropriate to stay within the realms of street art. 

Special thanks to Robyn for the opportunity of sharing my gift with the very people that inspired it. 

THE ONE THING PEOPLE WANT THE MOST OUT OF LIFE

I think, at least based on my experiences thus far, that the one thing people want most is the feeling of being alive. I think when people say they want to live a happy life, this is what they mean -- TO FEEL ALIVE. This is why we enjoy hanging out with our friends, family, and loved ones. Despite each one of us being different individuals, it is those differences that bring out and further enhance a part of us that we may not even know existed or we feel is suppressed. In this way, the people we surround ourselves with make us feel whole and capable of being more than what we are or at least wish to be. We feel more complete and this makes us feel alive.

This is why we love sports. When we are pushing ourselves to run faster, jump higher, and hit harder, which leaves us with aching muscles, puffing for air, and thirsting for water, we are reminded that we are human, and we feel alive. If we were denied this natural privilege to exercise our inherent capabilities, it would be an act that goes against the desire to feeling alive, an act that takes away happiness.

Deep down, we all know this. Unhappiness is evident when the teacher gives us a time out, and we’re stuck sitting in the corner while all your friends get to play. It is evident when our boss doesn’t allow us to voice our opinions. It is evident when the people we care about ignore us. We are being denied the chance to test our natural limits, denied the right to feel whole and all of what we can be, and denied the privilege of feeling alive.

Ever wonder why we love to watch heartbreaking movies? It's because they allow us to feel fleeting happiness, detrimental sadness and everything else in between. We’re allowed to feel our full range of emotions at no real cost aside from time spent sitting in front of the television.

Imagine if someone told you that you’re not allowed to love anymore...

Feeling alive requires fulfilling our spectrum of natural abilities. When we can’t stand eating the same food, can’t manage doing the same mundane activity, or seeing the same person for prolonged periods of time, it is not because we lack discipline. It is because we understand that there are other aspects to our lives that we must not neglect. Too much time and energy spent here, is not enough spent elsewhere. We need a balanced variety of people, activities, emotions, etc. It’s a necessity.

Unfortunately, feeling alive is the exact opposite of how typical companies function nowadays. You have to stay in your cubicle from 9-5 with no freedom to move, and you have to do as your boss says with no freedom to speak or to be heard. You have to stick to one career path, and you have to specialize in one thing and stick with it for the rest of your life. Talk about an unbalanced diet...

And we wonder why stress and depression is the No. 1 disease we have in modern society today?

I’m not advocating a revolution, or quitting your job, but I am saying to allow yourself the privilege of feeling alive. So what makes you feel alive?

    Is it dancing the night away?
    Is it singing at the top of your lungs?
    Is it taking your dog to the park?
    Is it staying up all night talking with your mom?

And if you’ve forgotten, here’s a few tips:

    It gives you goose bumps.
    It makes you smile like no other.
    Time flies.
    You look forward to it.
    It makes you feel absolutely amazing.

I want to feel alive and I want to live a life surrounded by people who feel the same.

by Jason Lam

FEATURED AT THE INTERNATIONAL CENTER OF PHOTOGRAPHY

I am very honored to have been one of the two photographers chosen among the entire class of 2014 to be featured at the International Center of Photography. This is also the first time my work is being exhibited! If you haven't seen the show, "Elective Affinities," it is still up until August 11th, and it's a great chance to see some real emerging talent, so feel free to stop by and check out some amazing work.

YOUR BACKUP PLANS ARE KILLING YOUR PROGRESS

I think I'm afraid of commitment because I find comfort in knowing that I can escape.

I'm afraid of committing to serious relationships, signing apartment leases, and accepting job offers because that means parting ways with the escape plans that I've gotten so used to having, even if I rarely ever use them. I guess it's the same reason why cruise ships have lifeboats, why iPhones have the emergency call button, and why fighter jets have ejection seats. Just "in case of emergency," it's our plan B, C, D, and all the way to Z. We don't ever want to use it, but we find comfort in knowing that it's there if we need it.

However, as good of an idea it is to have an escape plan, I've discovered they can actually hold us back from making real progress. Contrary to popular belief, it may actually be beneficial to not have it as an option at all. In the book, Art of War, by Sun Tzu, one key tactic to ensure the likelihood of winning a battle, is to "put the army in the face of death where there is no escape, and they will not flee or be afraid. There is nothing they cannot achieve." In situations where death is imminent, and conflict is absolutely necessary, soldiers are forced to fight with their all, which increases their chances of surviving and winning. 

When we know that there is no escape, we become fearless and fight with all our will, raising our chances of gaining maximum progress. But when we act knowing that there are other options, we hold back and keep energy on reserve in case we decide to change our minds. Though this may be a practical evolutionary trait, it often hinders our attempts at making any real progress.

Examples:

• I'm not sure how serious I am about this relationship, so I err on the side of caution and don't invest myself in it too much. As a result, the relationship isn't as good as it could be and we break up in the end.

• I'm not sure how serious I am about signing a new lease for this New York City apartment, so I only sublet for the convenience. As a result, I end up lowering my investment in actually “spreading my roots” here in NYC.

• I'm not sure how serious I am about this new job that I'm taking so I don't try too hard and don't meet many people in the industry. As a result, I don't learn as much, I am not as established, my network is limited, and so I end up switching jobs anyway because it "just wasn't right for me."

Was it really not right for you? Or did you just never give it a chance because you were afraid to commit? 

As much as this is about escape plans, it is also about commitment. The best escape plans are the ones that you never intend on using. Better yet, you forget about them. You get married, but forget about divorce. You sign a new apartment lease, but forget about being able to opt out. You accept a new job, but forget about the options of quitting or changing careers. The less you rely on your emergency escape plan, the more committed you become in your endeavors. 

I'm not advocating ridding ourselves of escape plans; I'm just advocating a slight shift in how we view them. I definitely wouldn't want to board a plane without emergency exits. I also don't want to accept a job offer or sign an apartment lease if it means being stuck for life. This is about focus, and mental power. The more we keep other options in mind, the less capable we are of working hard, hindering ourselves in ventures we're already invested in.

I'm turning 26 in less than a week and I'm getting the feeling that if I actually committed myself to NYC when I first moved here, I'd be in a much better professional situation than I am now… but I was afraid. I held onto my escape plans – my blueprints – for dear life. Instead of having both hands on the steering wheel, I had one on the emergency brakes. I keep telling myself, "I'm still young, I'm not sure yet, but that's alright, I still have time"... but now I'm getting closer to the realization that I’ll never be sure. The only people who are sure are those who could not afford being unsure any longer.

You'll never know for sure. You'll never know if this is the right path, or if this won't lead to absolute oblivion, but one thing is for sure, you will get nowhere fast if all you ever do is sound the alarm when you're in an emergency. Stop. Breathe, and I guess as the British government said in preparation for World War II back in 1939… "Keep calm and carry on."

by Jason Lam

JUST BE YOURSELF

I just got off the phone after an hour-long conversation with my long-time friend from UCLA, Yvette. She was out in NYC with me for a while just to try things out, worked odd jobs here and there, but eventually moved out to the Bay Area to work as the studio manager at an up-and-coming design studio.

I have also been working odd jobs here and there, and I was recently offered the chance to interview for the studio manager position at a prestigious design agency located at the heart of SoHo in New York City.

Yvette gave me the lowdown on what it means to be a studio manager. Scanning receipts, dealing with the cable guy, plan events for company bonding, then get yelled at for not doing it the way person A-Z wanted it to be done. 

It shouldn't come as a surprise then that my dear friend Yvette will be quitting in 2 weeks and moving to Los Angeles to pursue a new life – one that doesn't involve wasting one's life away doing somebody else's work. We also spoke about reading Eckhart Tolle, going to Coachella and doing acid for the first time, but I digress...

Yvette ended the conversation with this, "Just be yourself."

MINDBLOWN.

I say this because I think it's really easy to forget. It's easy to forget that you're not actually supposed to cram yourself into the shitty NYC subway every morning to sit at a shitty office job from 9-5, only to end up getting shitfaced after work because you can't figure out how you got yourself into so much shit in the first place. It's easy to forget that you don't have to be a slave to your boss, and that life can be so much more... 

I forgot.

I seem to forget quite often, and that's quite hard to admit. Who am I really? Where do my interests lie? What would I be doing if money wasn't an issue and I had all the resources in the world?

And do my answers correlate with what I'm doing now? Or at least with where I'm headed?

I think this is what the overabundance of inspirational talks and self-help books are basically trying to tell us. Cheesy images of beautiful women doing yoga against the sunset with quotes like, "Everything happens for a reason." The lone ranger standing on the breathtaking mountaintop asking, "What's stopping you?" We're just being told the same thing.

JUST BE YOURSELF.

Now, this isn't to say that I'm not going to dislike being a studio manager, I haven't tried it yet, but this is to say stop voluntarily putting yourself in situations you don't want to be in – and to stop doing shit you don't want to do.

Thank you, Yvette, for the wakeup call.

Goodnight.

by Jason Lam

10 SKILLS YOU'LL NEED TO KICK LIFE IN THE FACE

1) Forgiveness. This skill alone will get you through 99% of the shit you'll come across in your life, and no I don't mean just saying the words "I'm sorry" - I mean to internalize it, to take on a forgiving spirit - once you learn how to do that, the words "I'm sorry" will feel like nothing. Give others a break, give yourself a break.

2) Find love, but also let yourself be loved. Love isn't just flowers and rainbows all the time, it's sacrificial, it's painful, but it's the good kind, like the kind you feel when you're lifting weights. Let's be honest, nobody loves lifting weights, it sucks, but you know that investing yourself in such a relationship will reap numerous rewards. That's love. Get that in your head now so you don't freak out every time you encounter a "problem" or "argument".

3) Believe in yourself, but really it's about believing in others. Our worlds are interlinked whether you like it or not, one's failure is your failure, another's success is your success. This is another way of saying don't be greedy. This is also another way of saying that when you feel like you can't accomplish anything, trust that you have people all around you just dying to give you a hand.

4) Pay attention. Become a good listener. In fact, become the best listener, because it isn't just about the physical act of sound waves entering your ear and neurons buzzing back and forth for your brain to process a simple, "oh really?" - It's about acceptance, and accepting people for who they are is one of the greatest gifts you can give in this world. (It makes people feel awesome! Don't you like to feel awesome?)

5) Learn the art of not caring. As I'm writing this we've just entered the year of 2014 and I have never been bombarded by so much useless information ever in my life. Laptops, iPads, iPhones, Television, Twitter... social media and technology has presented us the most wonderful gift with the ugliest side-effects. The reason I say this is because the more you pay attention to things that don't really matter, the more you compare, and the shittier you'll feel. Don't let it get to you. Keep your life simple. You're already unique. So really it's about being comfortable with who you are, wherever you are. Tell your parents you learned that from a 25 year old kid who spent too much time soul-searching and not enough time working on his career.

6) Stand for something. I know it's cool now to be all accepting of every single little thing but that doesn't mean you have to LIKE everything. That doesn't mean you can't express a highly educated, well thought out OPINION. Don't get lost in the mix.

7) Find your tribe. I'm not going to say the word network because it's overused and comes with a million negative connotations but I am going to tell you to build a constructive community. Really. You can only go so far by surrounding yourself with the same people. Reach out, but stay humble.

8) Hard work beats talent any day. That said, find your passion and have enough discipline to focus yourself. A jack of all trades is a master of none.

9) Know yourself. Really know yourself, which is really just another way of saying - buy a one way ticket out of the country and get on with that soul search - you'll be surprised with the things you'll find - it's an experiment - home was the control - now let yourself go.

10) Get off the computer. 

by Jason Lam

50 IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW AS AN ASPIRING PHOTOGRAPHER

This is not your ordinary list of photography tips. If you were expecting a cute write up about how to take better pictures, feel free to do a google— nevermind, I just did it for you. 

This is a compilation of all the things I’ve learned throughout my journey as a photographer up until now. A mixtape, if you will. It is by no means an encapsulation of all the lessons you will ever have to know, just little tidbits of knowledge from my experiences that I feel are worth sharing and wish someone could’ve told me when I was starting out. In going over this list, I hope you come away with a few discoveries of your own, and in the case that you do, feel free to pay it forward to another aspiring photographer, that would be much appreciated. Enjoy.

1) White backgrounds make the subject feel free and lighter

2) Black backgrounds hold the subject in and make the subject feel more anchored

3) 50mm lenses are "normal", but that only refers to its depth perspective, not its field of view, so you're absolutely correct in feeling like its a telephoto.

4) 35mm is considered "wide angle" but it's actually not wide enough to give you dynamic images. 

5) Solution, use 28mm or 24mm - this is not cheating, it's understanding that only this wide of a lens is capable of recreating the effect of what you see with your eyes (which is awesome shit) in a 2D medium

6) The difference between 28mm and 24mm is huge

7) Don't go into photography school thinking that you'll: a) learn everything you'll ever need to know - that will never happen in any department of life b) become absolutely amazing/rich/famous immediately after

8) Don't chase the fame, don't chase the women

9) Intern forever

10) Buy Christmas gifts, send cards, remember birthdays, smile, say hi, know when to speak up, know when to shut up

11) Be good, be fast - the main reason we've switched to digital is not because of quality (film still kicks ass) - it's because it's fast. if you're still working as slow as you're working on film, you're fired

12) Give the clients what they want first, then do your own thing (similar to getting good grades so your parents will let you go out and wreak havoc on the weekends)

13) Learn French and smoke cigarettes

14) People will always say your idea has been done before, but that doesn't matter, what matters is that you haven't done it.

15) The amount of 'likes' you get on Instagram/Facebook is not a good indicator of how good your pictures are

16) Get used to showing your work, and as often as possible. The critiques will hurt, but other people will always be able to spot something you may have overlooked - having said that, only rely on those you trust

17) Don't wait till it's perfect to show your work

18) Bring your body into the work, ideas don't just come from the brain

19) Think outside. Work inside.

20) Get a day job and keep it. You'll get the same amount of work done anyway (Parkinson's Law)

21) Invest in photography books

22) If 21 doesn't work, go to bookstores and libraries often. Never stop looking.

23) When going to photo exhibits/book signings talk to everyone BUT the photographer

24) Start a blog NOW

25) Have a business card to give out

26) Talent is unreliable, keep working - persistence persists

27) Learn how to shoot, develop, and print bw film

28) Then do the same for color film

29) Then do medium format photography

30) Then do large format photography

31) Shoot from the hip

32) Embrace the mistakes

33) Import + back up files immediately after shoot and format cards - avoids confusion

34) Do the same with batteries

35) Invest in a Mirror RAID hard drive.

36) Use time capsule

37) Have a thumb drive on your key chain

38) Always have a point and shoot camera on you

39) If you're going to direct, direct

40) Shoot outdoors in the Spring, Summer, and Fall

41) Shoot indoors during the Winter

42) Having a photoshoot with someone is like taking someone on a date.

43) It's not how good you are, it's how likable you are. Because it's really just about who you know.

44) Master photoshop, but use it as little as possible

45) The eye is easily fooled

46) If you don't know anything about the history photography, at least know these names: Henri Cartier-Bresson, Robert Capa, Ansel Adams, Irving Penn, and Richard Avedon.

47) Shallow depth of field is overrated

48) Strobes are overrated

49) Don't go to art school

50) Put your camera down and live your life

by Jason Lam

HOW TO FIND OUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE

On the last day of class of my final year in college, my screenwriting teacher, Kris Young, (who I swear is the reincarnation of Confucius because of his wisdom) takes a breast pump out from his bag and places it on the table. Now, I don't really know how those things work, but he instructs us to be quiet as he hits the 'ON' switch, which then fills the room with a low mechanical hum. After a confused couple of minutes, he turns it off and tells us to say what we heard. 

The actual answers didn't matter. What mattered was that WE ALL HEARD SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

And so the last thing I learned in college, which I still remember to this day, was not about all the technicalities of creativity. It was the fact that WE ALREADY HAVE A UNIQUE VOICE, and the best thing we can do as artists is to stay true to it.

The problem is we don't realize or forget that we already have what it takes, and I admit it is easy to forget when you're constantly being critiqued by those around you.

So how do we re-discover our voice among all this noise?

The first thing that comes to my mind is to tell you to immediately turn off your computer, buy a plane ticket, and go somewhere you've never been before, but I know that wouldn't work, at least not yet. Before I start offering suggestions, let's talk about why "finding yourself" is so difficult in the first place.

We are social beings. Our identities are formed not just by the DNA that has been passed onto us, but also by the environment that we grew up in. Now, we know that we are individuals and we can differentiate between “I” and “You,” but much of our identity is actually a reflection of other people. Think about it, we play basketball because our friends play basketball, and we find a job, get married and have children because that's what everybody else is doing. "If they are this way, then I should be this way." We go with the flow because human beings naturally take the path of least resistance. Plus, it feels good to have a sense of belonging. Why cause a ruckus by quitting your job and telling all your friends that you're sick of capitalism and would rather live on a farm out in some remote location in Europe? (ahem*)

It can become difficult to live in a community and maintain a sense of individuality. This issue is precisely why fashion is so popular. It's the easiest way to appear different (despite the fact that in reality, we all know you bought that sweater at American Apparel, hipster!). But I digress… 

We already have a unique voice, but when we're trying to find the balance between fitting in and still being an individual, our voice can often get misplaced. There are usually millions of different voices swimming inside our heads telling us what we should and should not do. When this happens, we must relocate it by removing all other voices by... you guessed it, changing your surroundings (don't buy your plane ticket yet, but start thinking about where to go).

Change your surroundings. Travel. It is only through traveling and deliberately placing yourself in an unfamiliar environment that allows you to finally see yourself clearly. A cat among a pack of dogs. Because you are in a new environment, free from the pressure and expectations from before, you can do what you want. You can have a fresh start. The interesting part that then helps you re-discover who you are is what you hold onto in this new environment, and what you let go. Finally, through spending time in a different place, and “trying on” new identities like how you try on a new sweater, you get to look back and see how far you've come. By making the effort to find yourself, you can now compare your new self with the old. 

Our identity can then be thought of as pieces of luggage. What do I need? What can I leave? What did I think I need but actually didn't? What made my trip worse? What did I forget to bring that would've made my trip better? And lastly, what are the things I absolutely could not live without?

Through this long journey that can last for an entire lifetime, we can finally return home with what is most important to our essential self, which is, of course, our true self.

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU NEED TO SHOW YOUR WORK

I'm going to explain this from a street dancer's point of view. In street dance there's this thing called a CYPHER, and if you don't know what a cypher is, it's the circle you always see forming in the club around a dope dancer. 

I've danced for about 3 years now, and to be honest, I don't think I've ever jumped into the cypher, at least not willingly. It scares the shit out of me. I'm usually looking in awe from a distance, secretly wanting to jump in, but holding myself back by saying "I'm not good enough" or "I need to practice more". I've been saying this for a long long time, but you know what? One day, I finally did, and when it was all said and done, it felt amazing. I have no idea what I did, but it felt good. And of course, soon as I get over my fear of jumping into the cypher, I suddenly turn into that asshole giving everybody else shit about being afraid. But anyways… 

So how does this relate to showing your work? Here are 5 reasons:

1 - You'll never be completely ready, so stop waiting. We all want to be perfect. Hey, I'm afraid of ridicule too, but this leads me to my next point…

2 - It's actually not that big of a deal. We have an ego, so we naturally feel that every little mistake we make can and will be noticed by others. The reality is, people don't really care all that much, and if they do, who cares?

3 - Having the guts to jump in will make you better. Why? Because finally, you have an audience other than yourself, and you have no choice but to get over you fears and deliver. It's safe when we're in our private studios. We can make as many mistakes as we want, but once we're out in the open and proving to everybody that you do good work, now it's about maintenance. You've set a level for yourself and now you must build. It's good pressure.

4 - People enjoy seeing the process. Remember when you first saw the "behind the scenes" footage of your favorite movie? You saw the actors getting into their costumes, the big hollywood studio lights flooding the stage, and the director yelling "ACTION!". You also saw them mess up, laugh about it, do a "TAKE 2", and you enjoyed it! It's nice to see the final product, but even better to see how it came to be.

5 - If you don't show it, it doesn't exist. You don't have to admit it, but I know that deep down inside, you've spent a good portion of your time talking shit about other artists. Well, while you've spent all that time shit talking, these "shitty" artists have been consistently creating new content. Where's yours?

So what are you going to do? Keep all your masterpieces locked up in your closet for the rest of your life? Or will you grow some balls, finally call yourself an ARTIST, and show your work?

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU SHOULD FORGET ABOUT ART SCHOOL

…well, if the art schools we attend aren’t spending time telling us how shitty our work is, we wouldn’t be spending our hard earned money taking their classes in hopes of lessening our shitty-ness, and so the teachers would lose their jobs, the schools would shut down… and then something miraculous would happen… we’d have to find our own way, and suddenly, our greatest work will emerge from within us.

"We can achieve so much when self-help is all the help we can get."

Consider this question:

If there were no schools to aid you in the pursuit of your passion, would you still pursue it?

There is big money in the “HOW TO” business. We love learning “HOW TO (fill in the blank)”. However, we've grown a little too accustomed to this form of assisted learning. When we set out to learn something new, the first thing that comes to mind is, “Which school can I attend to take some classes?”. Unlike the “ignorant child” whose first instinct is to learn by doing, we’ve lost our drive for proactive self-discovery. Instead, we want others to do the heavy lifting for us… and they will, and you’ll pay, and they’ll continue telling you how you’re not quite there yet, how you need to continue taking classes, how you need to continue giving them your hard earned money, because you suck.

Let’s stop and think for a second… can you remember the last time a teacher said to you, “You got it. You are totally competent. You don’t have to take this class anymore”. I sure haven’t, and from a business perspective, that would be completely idiotic. Bring them down, and charge a premium to bring them back up again! Now that’s a profitable business plan! Don’t worry. You’ll get there soon enough. We promise. “BUT FIRST, LET ME TAKE YOUR #MONEY”

You want to improve your art? Take that money and go travel instead. Get lost. You’ll end up with less debt, and more self-knowledge. You don’t need a degree to show that you’re an artist. You need to do it yourself.

We’ve been fooled to believe that we have be like a lion in the circus, pointlessly jumping through flaming hoops before we can reap the rewards, when the power to do whatever we please has been within us all along.

We are in a new age where it’s actually possible to achieve the unimaginable. The older generation with all its hierarchical bullshit is deeply afraid. They know we can knock them down, and we will, if only we first accept that we can.

by Jason Lam

P.S. I actually wanted to title this article “HEY, YOU SUCK”.

THE DANGERS OF DOING WHAT YOU LOVE

Dancing… Dancing… I LOVE DANCING!… at least I used to.

I started dancing rather late. I was 21 years old. I just celebrated the new year and had a huge list of resolutions, but the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else was to LEARN HOW TO DANCE! It always seemed like such a great time. “I want to be just like them!” I remembered myself saying. I figured as long as I learned the basics, then I could join in on the fun!

I was afraid. Prior to committing to this goal, I had already embarrassed myself at a Hip Hop audition just one year prior. We had to freestyle and all I managed to do was execute a terrible wave through my arms. CUE LAUGHTER. But this time it would be different! I was still shy, I was still nervous and afraid, but I wouldn’t let that paralyze me any longer. I jumped in.

The first dance class I took was the “UCLA Breakin’ and Poppin” class. I had a blast! I learned how to do the six-step, how to do a freeze, and also how to “pop” my muscles. I continued dancing every week, weeks turned into months, months turned into years, but then I realized something. I wasn’t getting any closer to being able to jam with the experienced dancers, in fact, the more moves I learned, the more distant I felt.

Dance was no longer fun.

The initial excitement that motivated me to overcome my inhibitions and pursue dance had disappeared. Why? Because dance was no longer about enjoying the music with one another, suddenly, it was about how “good” you are, how many moves you have, and how many props you’re getting. Suddenly, it was about doing the moves “properly”. Suddenly, it was about impressing others.

Who’s to blame? 

The Curse of Knowledge - “Once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it was like not to know it”

I was cursed. Soon as I stepped into my first dance class, I began the process of stripping away my innocence, thus slowly debilitating my ability to view dance with my initial feelings of awe and wonder.

I presume this is also how most dancers in the cipher view each other. No longer able to see through the eyes of how they were before they became skilled, and only capable of noticing what they have been taught.

And so begins this vicious cycle where:

• I just focused on all the moves I lacked and/or still had to improve.

• I became highly critical of how other people danced and only responded positively to their ability to carry out difficult moves.

• Vice versa

Why does this happen? Because now you’re an expert! Congratulations! You took classes. You know more than you did before. You’re capable of seeing a higher level of insight, so you naturally set a higher standard for others. You love the fine details, you want to hang out there, you want to see all the complexities, and if you don’t, you feel disappointed, because you’ve been cursed, and viewing something simple feels like “dumbing down”. How insulting! What a waste of time!

I guess I can be strong and say to myself, “It doesn’t matter what others think,” but hard as I try, I am still human. Your actions influence me. I can feel it when you look away. I can feel it when you yell out corrections because I’m not doing it “right”. I can feel it because all of the sudden, I’m no longer dancing to celebrate the joy that I feel in the music, instead, I’m dancing simply to try and impress you. FUCK THAT.

I understand. People naturally want to appear talented and confident in the eyes of others…. so of course they’re going to focus on style and technique. After all, that’s what people respond to! Sure, all these things makes a better dancer, but all the style in the world is useless if we’ve lost the essence. So this begs the question, what is the essence? For me, it is the diverse union of like-minded individuals brought together through freedom, self-expression, and love of music. That was just an extremely wordy way of saying that dance should be FUN.

Isn’t it enough just to be able to enjoy the music… together? 

I’m writing this because I recently met a kid named Alvin. He was obviously new to dance, his movements could be cleaner, but something drew me to him. He had the spirit of dance. He was having fun. I was fascinated, yet saddened by the fact that I may never have that again.

Proceed with Caution.

by Jason Lam

THE YEAR OF CHANGE

Since graduating college at the age of 21 I’ve been on a journey. I didn’t quite know what I was looking for, but I was looking nonetheless. Well, here I am going on 26 and I’m just realizing how quickly 5 years have passed. 

Like most people graduating in 2010, most of us had nothing lined up for us after college. It was the Great Recession and all of my smartest friends with degrees from the top universities were only capable of getting jobs as waiters or baristas at your local Starbucks.

When I packed my bags and moved out of UCLA, the place I called home for four wonderful years, I was finally in a position where I was truly in charge of what comes next. No more classes to attend, no more final exams, and no more professors telling me what I have to do in order to succeed in the future. The future had arrived and I prayed that I still remembered all the life lessons that the grown-ups constantly reminded me that I’d be “thankful for one day”.

Now, I wouldn’t go so far as saying I was lost… it was more like, instead of having a clear roadmap complete with GPS satellite tracking explaining every step of the way to success, I was given an ancient treasure map with a compass that I didn’t know how to use.

Where do I go from here?

… Figure it out.

And so I did - I began traveling, and it would continue for the next five years. I plunged myself in new places and new experiences: I went on an expansive trip across Europe, studied in Spain, lived in Taiwan for almost two years, danced more than I ever have before, moved to The Big Apple, and even ended up in Africa at some point. Then again, as I was traveling, I was still looking for something, a mentor, a guide, an older figure to show me the way. I never found these people. Instead, I found experiences, life lessons in the weirdest nooks and crannies of the world, all of which I had to decipher alone. I was on the greatest adventure of all, the adventure of discovering myself, and in many ways, I still am.

The reason I am writing this today is because I am back home in San Francisco. No, this isn’t the first time I’ve returned since moving away for college eight years ago, but this is the first time I’ve stayed here for such a long time, and I’m shocked at my reluctance to leave. The younger me never wanted to stay home, I was always thirsting for my next adventure. I guess I’ve been away for so long that now, home has become a place to be discovered itself.

I’ve changed.

I guess you can consider my four years after college as quite a failure in the most traditional sense. I have very little work experience, my resume is a mess, and I don’t have a steady income. My journey as a professional in this world would garner me the perfect “F” in terms of the things I needed to accomplish after college. However, I do feel that I have made much leeway in a different type of journey - The highly neglected, but absolutely necessary ‘Journey of the Self’.

I ventured off to places I never dreamt possible. Woke up in the most serene mountaintops. Witnessed the most beautiful sunsets. Ate the most exotic food, and all with the most amazing people beside me. I laughed like never before, cried like never before, and also loved like never before. I learned forgiveness. I learned compassion. I may have learned more in these years than I ever did in school. I guess they call it the School of Life for a reason.

Now I’ve reached a new point in my life and I can feel myself evolving. Like a butterfly straining to crawl out of its cocoon, I cannot wait any longer. I’ve gathered this much knowledge about myself, about life, about the world, that now I want to create.

The bright young man, Jacob Barnett, put it all in perspective when he said these wise words, “stop learning, start thinking, and start creating”.

You see, because now that I think of it, coming out of college, I may have been too good of a student. I was too willing to take in another’s point of view, I was too willing to read and study every little thing that I didn’t understand, I was too willing to wait and put myself on the sidelines because deep down inside, I felt that I was not good enough, that I didn’t know enough, that I had to take more classes, read even more books, until I arrived. Then again, as Gertrude Stein put it, “there is no there, there”… I will never arrive. There will always be people who are better than me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t start, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a voice, that doesn’t mean I can’t contribute.

Now, it’s the year 2014, and I want to contribute. I want to give back. I want to share my stories, my thoughts, the lessons I’ve learned, and hopefully, it will empower you, maybe even challenge you, but ultimately, inspire you to live your life fully.

The Future is unwritten and you’re the Author.

by Jason Lam

WE ARE CLAY

Growing up, we’re not given many choices. The family we have. The place we grow up. The ones who look down on us. And the ones who bring us up. Things just happen a certain way, and we turn out the way we do. We’re like clay that has yet to harden, sculpted by those around us whether we like it or not. If we are lucky enough, life finally gives us a good look at ourselves.

“So this is the person I’ve become?”

By this time, the clay has begun to harden, though there is still time to make some changes. Some people just let it be while others seize the opportunity.

One thing’s for sure, by the time the clay has finally set, the only way to make adjustments is to let it break.

Do you like the clay you’ve been molded into?
Or would you like to make some changes?

Maybe there’s still time to make some changes.

by Jason Lam

EUROTRIP DIARIES - 10: I DID IT

(This is the last of the series of diary entries I wrote during my solo backpacking trip to Europe back in 2013.)

July 29th, 2013 - London Heathrow Airport

I traveled around Europe. Yes, the fabled “Eurotrip” that everybody talks about. The one I was supposed to go on three years ago. The one that’s been on the back of my mind since my original plans fell through. The one that made me cringe in jealousy every time another one of my friends uploaded a photo album entitled “Eurotrip.” Well, I made it a reality and, despite all the hesitation and second thoughts I had prior to this trip, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.

13 countries, 32 cities, 19 planes, 8 trains, 12 buses, 2 rental cars, 3 hitched rides, and too many hostels, beds, couches, and floors slept on to count. A lost pair of swimming trunks, and a damaged pair of sunglasses, but hey, no stomach aches!

It’s crazy how fast time has gone by. A year ago today, I was in SOHO, NYC, living a life that strangely resembled “The Devil Wears Prada” with all the glitz and glamour of the fashion photography industry. I remember feeling doubtful about leaving even after putting in my two-week’s notice. Fortunately, before I began my journey, I had the rare chance of having a one-on-one chat with my boss and received these encouraging words:

“It’s really annoying that you’re leaving us. It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for the company, but by all means, go and travel. You’re young and you’ve been doing great work with us, but this isn’t the life for you. You must travel. I would say the same to my son, and I did the same when I was your age. Look at me now, we work with the biggest clients, magazines, and ad agencies in the world, but I’m old. I’m stuck in this office all day, constantly stressed out, I can’t go anywhere. You. You’re young. No responsibilities. You have to travel.”

I wasn’t looking for a vacation; I wanted to travel. I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to have time for myself to really look at my life up to this point. A self-examination and a complete recalibration if necessary. What were my values, beliefs and priorities? What do I like? What do I not like? I was feeling stuck and I knew I had to do something different to grow.

Imagine if we were kids in a classroom and our teacher just handed our tests back with corrections. Not only did I want to look over my results in comparison to the teacher’s corrections, but I also wanted to check against my classmates. How did they approach the test? What were their answers? What was their reasoning behind the answers? How did they feel about the teacher’s corrections? I wanted to take my entire life and the way I’ve been brought up and put it under the spotlight, naked, and for everyone to examine. I was blatantly myself. I asked too many questions, openly admitted that I didn’t know certain things and pushed forward anyway in hopes that I could gain some sort of clarity. That’s all I wanted. Clarity.

I went through many moments of sheer happiness, but also many moments of loneliness. Sometimes I just wanted to catch the next flight home, but I understood that the emotional roller coaster was part of solo travel, and that I needed to embrace it. Stepping foot into a foreign country is very much like your first day at school. Remember that day? When you didn’t know anybody? And you didn’t know where you were to supposed to go when the bell rang? When you didn’t know where to get lunch? Or where to sit? Or who to talk to? When things simply didn’t really make much sense? People hear of my trip and talk about how lucky I am, able to just chill and travel, but in reality, I wasn’t chilling at all. I was doing immense mental work. Work on my character. Work that can’t be seen with the naked eye. This was me purposely stepping foot into a new school, a school that I created for myself.

"It is finding out what something is not that one comes closest to understanding what it is."

I wanted to be someone who has seen the world. I wanted to be a person of character, someone with experience of life outside of what he is accustomed to, someone who doesn’t fear the unknown. I wanted to set aside superfluous and unnecessary clutter in my life and hold onto the things that really mattered. I wanted to be able to look back at my life and be completely content because I’ll know that I laughed, I danced, I loved — that I lived life to the fullest. Am I there yet? No, but I am closer, and I will never stop trying.

 by Jason Lam

EUROTRIP DIARIES - 9: GIVING THANKS

June 12th, 2013 - Rosenhill Farm, Sweden

Thank you UCLA Film School - My classmates and Kris young.

Thank you Steel Horse - I will never forget our late night cycling shenanigans.

Thank you Tokyo to Osaka - What an unforgettable cycling trip through the rain and the mountains.

Thank you Cherng Loong Lion Dance Troupe - I grew up with you guys and I consider you my family.

Thank you High School Band - Especially Mr. Pleasure, you instilled in me my deep love for music, nurtured me, and believed in me.

Thank you High School Student Government - You really helped me break out of my shell.

Thank you High School Volleyball - I was just a benchwarmer, but I had the time of my life!

Thank you LA Street Dance Collective - You introduced me to the street dance world that has made my life so full and rich even up to this day.

Thank you Mark Kuroda - You started this entire photography thing for me.

Thank you 2b Management - You gave me the opportunity of a lifetime in the Big Apple and I am forever grateful.

Thank you Alumi - For being so encouraging in dance and in life to be myself.

Thank you Jeff Selby and Robyn - I wouldn't be a HUSTLA without ya!

Thank you family for being so supportive in all this running around that I've been doing.

Thank you friends for the laughs and all the good times.

Thank you life.

by Jason Lam

EUROTRIP DIARIES - 8: LESSON FROM A ROSE BUSH

June 8th, 2013 - Rosenhill Farm, Sweden

The farm here is most well known for apple juice pressing and its huge apple orchard. A common problem with apple orchards is that rose bushes often grow around the tree trunk, which can be harmful to the apple tree. So today, I was responsible for cutting the rose bushes.

I was doing it wrong at first. I was chopping off the individual branches one by one. It was easier, but it was slow. It took me a while to realize that this was actually much more time consuming, and much less effective. It didn't matter how many branches I cut. Because the root still remained intact underground, the rose bushes can always grow back. I realized it was more effective to work a bit harder, risk getting cut by the thorns, and dig deeper into the ground and get to the root. Once I was able to locate the root and chop it off, the entire rose bush would come off easily. Not only did this eliminate problem, it also prevented future rose bushes from growing.

When dealing with problems, get to the root of the matter.

by Jason Lam

EUROTRIP DIARIES - 7: LESSON FROM THE GOAT MAN

June 5th, 2013 - Rosenhill Farm, Sweden

Every once in a while the Goat Man comes along and I help him feed his goats. He is 48 years old, and we call him the Goat Man because nobody knows his real name. Today he asked me what my interests are in life. I said to learn as much as I can, to be a good person, and to be a positive role model. I then asked him the same question. He responded by saying he is still trying to figure out the meaning of life.

HOLD UP

While the famous quote from Souza states that, "Happiness is a journey, not a destination," I also believe that finding meaning in life is a journey and not a destination. The author, Alain de Botton, pointed out that people are so willing to go to the gym to strengthen their muscles, to the doctors to heal their illnesses, but so unwilling to train their mind and go to therapists for psychological health. I have been priding myself over the fact that I've been willing to face my fears and take time to discover my true self. However, not unlike the Goat Man, I may have taken this a bit too far, and it has prevented me from simply living life. Who wants to spend their entire life at the doctors? At the gym? At the therapist? They should only be pitstops along the road of living an enriching life, not the goal itself. 

Life doesn't suddenly have meaning after a certain number of hours you spend thinking about it, after a certain number of trips around the world, or after a certain number of self-help books you read. Life is an ongoing process in which we have to work with what we have. It's okay if you don't know if you're on the right path. Find comfort in simply knowing that you're at least heading towards the right direction. Don't waste your life away spending all this time trying to find meaning in life, because before you know it, life has passed you by. 

The Goat Man will be having twins and moving in with a woman he no longer likes. He bought goats to raise thinking that it will help him find the meaning of life.

To each their own, but enough with the moments of utter confusion, relentless questioning, doubt, and fear. 

Stop being so intent on arriving, and GET LIVING.

by Jason Lam