PORTRAITURE

There was always a big part of me that absolutely adored portraiture. In my eyes, the tallest order of what defines you as a great photographer is your ability to take a great portrait. After all, if you take a great portrait, you can look at it for the rest of your life. A great portrait is not just a symbol of who you are, but a nod to who you were, and an acknowledgment of who you intend to be. It’s the past, present, and future all compacted into one two-dimensional frame. 

And then, there’s me.

In the beginning, I often tried to take photos without putting too much of me in it. I was a big fan of documentary photography and I always found it quite peculiar how one can capture great photos while being a “fly on the wall”. However, after creating my own documentary projects, I found out that being a fly on the wall is a myth. There’s no way you can be a fly on the wall because you are physically there in the same space as your subjects and your mere presence changes the way they behave.

So then, what’s the role of the photographer?

Much more than just taking the photo, that’s for sure.

The photographer is equal parts magician, chef, therapist, a loving parent, coach, and so much more. But I think the most important role of the photographer is of acceptance and encouragement. As a photographer, you must welcome your subject into your frame with open arms, as they are. Furthermore, you must encourage them to be not just who they are, but who they intend to be. The photographer, in a way, is a sort of archaeologist, digging into the essence of who you are and what you represent in order to capture the raw essence of you. 

And then there’s me, again, the inescapable me that just has to be in the photo.

But the question is, how exactly am I inserting myself in there?

And the answer: I insert myself in the photos with my values and what I believe to be not just a good portrait, but a good life. 

I aim to take photos of people that are raw, honest, but most importantly, empowering. For you to feel confident for who you are at that very moment. For you to feel safe. For you to feel that wherever you are in your life, that’s exactly where you need to be. Wherever you want to go, you have it in you to get you there. I aim to take photos that speak to the most authentic parts of you, as I believe we live our happiest most fulfilling lives when we are able to not just truly express ourselves, but to be witnessed and accepted for everything that we are, and everything we will become.

by Jason Lam

THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE IS A GIFT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF

I've been thinking a lot about the gift I wanted to give myself for turning 30.

It's something I've been thinking about for the better part of the year and I'm almost turning 31 so I better hurry up!

At first, I was set on getting an Apple Watch. Then my friend got me one as a thank you for officiating his wedding (it was nerve-wracking, btw). So then I had my eyes set on a cool little sports car from the 90s. After all, it’s a teenage dream I never got around to fulfilling, but the search became ever longer and the more time passed by, the more I had to admit to myself that as cool as it is, it won’t make me any more happy.

So what was it? What did I truly want?

As some of you may know, throughout the past couple of years I've been struggling with an identity crisis. I've been struggling to make ends meet as an artist, as a photographer, and I've tossed in the towel at least 3 times by now. Once, by just trying to be someone else and hide behind the name, @ithinkimjustlonely, and another time, doing a 180 and becoming a YouTuber under Barely Evolved Apes.

But something was still missing.

What was it?

And the answer has been staring me right in the face every day.

I wasn't being myself.

Better yet, I wasn't allowing myself to be fully myself.

Instead, I was only taking half steps. Just kind of doing everything. But never fully committing to showing my face and standing for something.

So my gift to myself as I turn 30 is to start allowing myself to be fully myself, which I've come to find isn't as easy as just a one-time decision. It’s an everyday endeavor to remind myself to stop hiding, to take space, and to be proud of what I've done and what I will continue to do.

I'm an artist. I like to dance, travel, write and take photos. Sometimes I go off on tangents and create new brands like Barely Evolved Apes. Other times I go interior and get sucked too far into my emotions like @ithinkimjustlonely. Sometimes I want to conquer the world! Other times, I like to just do nothing, whatever it is, this is all of me. My name is Jason Lam, and I’m an artist.

by Jason Lam

3 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD "JUST DO IT"

Nike has a great slogan:

JUST DO IT

But let’s break it down a bit. Here are three reasons why you should “Just do it”.

For the purposes of this article, we’ll define “it” as the life you’ve been wanting to live.

1. Just do it - Because no one's going to ask you to do it. No one is going to magically show up at your door one day and be like, “OMG! So there you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” and present your dream life to you on a silver platter. It seems to happen a lot in movies, but that's about it.

2. Keep doing it - Because after you've summoned up the courage to start, you will find that it’s much harder than you thought. You might get lonely, depressed, and lose motivation. Remind yourself to keep going because no one is going to tell you to keep going either. You need to be your own motivation. Find ways to keep yourself engaged, and just keep doing it.

3. Don't forget why you’re doing it - After you’ve pushed yourself further than you ever have before, you might feel like there’s still no hope. You might start thinking that it's time to quit. And maybe you should! But before you do that, remind yourself of why you got started in the first place. It could be that you're exactly where you want to be, and you’ve just forgotten why you came all this way in the first place. If after doing so, you still feel it's time to pursue other endeavors, so be it, at least it was a well-thought decision. But you may also find that you will want to keep going. That perhaps, you didn't want to quit, you may have just needed a break, to recalibrate, to get back to your sense and remind yourself why you started doing it.. and then just do it, again.

by Jason Lam

CURATE THE STORIES YOU TELL YOURSELF

Life is a series of repeated stories, isn’t it? And life proceeds to go the way it goes based on the stories we choose to repeat to ourselves.

There’s a big difference between:

I’m a shy insecure artist and I will never amount to anything.

VS.

I’m a shy insecure artist, but I am working on it and one day I will be great.

Based on the story you repeat to yourself, your behaviors will change, the way you interact with others will change. And you guessed it. Your life will change. So given how potentially helpful and harmful the stories we tell ourselves can be, why not curate the stories we tell ourselves? That’s right. Curate your stories like how one would curate the art coming into the world-renowned Metropolitan Museum of Art. Reject stories with pride. And protect the good stories with all your might. Keep the good, helpful stories on display. Remind yourself of it every day. Come up with a curated playlist of stories you repeat to yourself so you can stay on track and achieve what you want out of this lifetime and leave the rest out in the dust.

by Jason Lam

THE SECRET IS THERE IS NO SECRET

The secret to your success is that there is no secret. There isn’t any one person out there who has all the answers to your life’s questions. There isn’t any one person who has all the answers, to begin with. All you have is your own willingness and courage to move forth despite not knowing it all; not feeling the most confident, and understanding that you may not be the most qualified. But so what? Right? Don’t let the fact that you don’t know “enough” prevent you from getting started. If I did that I would’ve never became a photographer. I would’ve never traveled the world. And I wouldn’t be writing to you now. Let the haters keep talking. You just gotta keep going.

by Jason Lam

HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL EVERY MORNING?

You can't make progress if you don't have a target to aim at, thus, this question, to help us create that very target.

I want to wake up every morning feeling like I am doing something meaningful with my life. I want to feel like I am making progress every day, and I want to feel like I am using my time wisely.

Of course, all those things are subjective. You get to decide what you want to feel. You get to decide how you get there.

I like this question because it gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning. Instead of thinking to myself, “Ugh, here we go again…” I’m thinking to myself, “Awesome! I have a fresh new 24 hours to make a positive impact on this world!”

I've tried ditching my target, and I lost my way quite fast. No more reason to get up every morning. No motivation. No clarity as to what I should do and how I should spend my limited time and energy. Just... wandering. Which has its benefits in itself. Often, you can come across some rather interesting things that can add to a rich life, but I miss having a target, and at this point, I realize I need it more than ever.

The great thing about this question is it’s not material. It’s not limited by your age or where you are in the world or what money can buy. It’s attainable by everyone. So, go ahead and ask yourself, “How do you want to feel every morning?” If you’re lost in life I've come to find that this is a good starting place.

by Jason Lam

TWO QUESTIONS TO HELP FIND YOUR DIRECTION IN LIFE

Every time you do something ask yourself these two questions:

1. Did it drain you?

2. Or did it energize you?

Do less of what drains you.

Do more of what energizes you.

by Jason Lam

I DECIDED TO BE MYSELF

I decided to be myself. And it was kinda scary. Because I always felt like I was a pretty weird guy. But I’ve also tried being like someone else and none of those identities I tried on worked. So even though I still feel at times that maybe I’m a little too weird, this is also where I’m most comfortable. I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’m making so and so happy. I’m less stressed. Less anxious. And for the sake of my health, for the first time in my life, I feel like I could relax a little bit. Because stress and anxiety have always played such a large role in my life. I always wanted to “be somebody” and as cliched as it sounds, I eventually decided to just be myself. It’s hard though, because, how do you know what the “self” is unless you first try out a ton of other identities, right? So, as ironic as it sounds, it’s almost as if you have to go out and do all the things and be all the things you think you want to be in order to come back at the end of the day and truly appreciate who you are. Like traveling. You don’t really ever appreciate home until you’re on the road living out your backpack for 6 months straight and then you come home and you’re like wow, I kinda like it here. That’s how I found myself, at least. 

by Jason Lam

LAY DOWN AND DO NOTHING

The do nothing approach is a piece of advice I often give to my friends who do too much and often feel burnt out. It’s a technique I’ve been implementing in my own life and it works quite well. Oddly enough, it’s not easy, and it requires practice. But here’s an easy way to start.

Lay down and do nothing.

To make things easier for you, I recommend laying on something comfy like a yoga mat, and to make it even better, put on some music you like. Something a little downtempo, to help your mind relax. Now breath. Stretch out your arms. Stretch out your legs. You don’t have to lay neatly on the floor. Allow yourself to be messy. Don't think about your past. Don’t think about your future. Don’t think about all the goals you’ve yet to achieve. Don’t think about the failures and the mistakes either.

This will be hard. After all, our minds are built to think.

If you find your mind is still cluttered with thoughts, try to take a step back. And by a step back, I mean a mental step back. Get outside yourself and realize that you are not your thoughts. Instead, the thoughts you are experiencing are merely the multitude of scenes that play out in the theater of your mind. It’s not you. Watch them pass by like you’d watch clouds pass by as a child laying on the lawn. Notice the detachment. They come. Then they go.

Keep breathing. Laying down. Doing nothing.

Doesn’t it feel good? To have this one moment for yourself? To do nothing else but to breath?

From that point on I’d say to start doing that every night before you go to sleep. Too often we’re left staring at our screens right before bed. Checking up on our latest social media notifications. It’s extra stimulation we do not need as it adds little value to our lives and does not aid in our sleep.

Once you get into the habit of that, then try applying it to other parts of your life.

No, you don’t have to lay down every time, but see if you can find other moments throughout your day, or just your overall life where you can just do nothing. Maybe, you don’t have to be so strict with your workout routine. Maybe you don’t have to work so hard to meet those deadlines. Maybe it’s okay to just stay in on a Friday night and draw in your sketchbook for no other reason but the fact that you enjoy it.

Who knows, take an 8-month sabbatical. Stop working. Stop trying to create the next thing. Stop trying to pitch to clients. Stop updating your portfolio. Stop trying to check off all those boxes on your list.

I’ve been implementing these techniques in my life for the past few months. And it’s been doing great things for me. I hope it does the same for you as well.

by Jason Lam

DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF

Take an acting class. Run a marathon. Cook yourself a nice breakfast. Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone about it. It’ll be your little secret. Like going commando for your new job interview, or secretly having a classic sports car in your garage that others would drool over. Nobody has to know, it’s yours and yours only. In a world full of forced authenticity and oversharing I believe there’s great power in having something that is uniquely our own. So do something for yourself. You deserve it. 

by Jason Lam

PURCHASES ARE FLEETING

I like buying things, but I’ve also learned throughout the years that the things you buy wear off in value over time. Like any new toy, it’s fun for a little bit, and then after a while, it just gets forgotten and collects dust in some random corner of your room.

But you know what isn’t fleeting?

Important projects you pour your heart and soul into. It's definitely not as easy as just whipping out your wallet and making a purchase, but ten times more satisfying (albeit, ten times more tiring).

This is not to say that you shouldn’t buy things. I still buy things. I love the denim jacket that I paid way too much for and almost never wear, but I kind of like having physical objects as a staple of who I am, or at least, who I aim to be.

This is to say, however, that whenever you want to buy something, maybe give it at least 24 hours to think it over, even longer if you can. Because you might find that the money can be better invested elsewhere. Like a new project. An inspiring trip abroad. Or weekend classes so you can learn a new skillset.

I'm writing this today because I was THIS close to spending 5k on a used car today. And then I didn’t. I contributed more to my investment account instead. Adulting!

by Jason Lam

ART KEEPS ME SANE

Sounds cliche but art keeps sane. Art is therapy. I need an outlet and art is that outlet. I don’t need a specific medium. I just need the freedom of time and space to create. Or in other words. To release. Because life is hard and throughout the journey, I get all this pent up energy. Conflict. Inconveniences. Arguments. Criticism. And my only way to cope is to let it all out with words on a page, or ink on canvas, or photos on... well, pixels nowadays. But you get the idea, it’s the aesthetically pleasing form of hitting a punching bag or screaming into a pillow, even road rage. Only I channel all that energy into my art, because even after a punching bag it’s still not enough, lol, jk. Art keeps me sane. Art is healing. Art helps me answer questions that need answering. It helps me better understand parts of myself that I often find rather confusing. When I’m not allowed to create, I go crazy. I operate at a lower frequency and I have trouble sleeping. I’m more irritable. Like if a tornado was forced to live inside a box. Or if your parents forced you to wear that old sweater from decades ago that you’ve clearly outgrown. So I create. I’m an artist. Surprisingly, I can’t really say it’s by choice. Honestly, sometimes, I’d just rather not, because I almost feel like most my energy for art comes from a rather negative place. My logic goes like this, if I was living a happy life I wouldn’t need to create art because I wouldn’t need to release any of this built up energy. Then again, who knows. The grass is always greener on the other side and there’s another saying that goes the grass is greener where you water it. So I won’t go hopping around from here to there. I’ll continue tending to my garden, right here, right now, with my angry tornado sweater too damn small art.

by Jason Lam

ASCEND

You don’t have to be at the very top. But you should at least try. Give yourself a fighting chance. A good attempt. And prove to yourself that you are stronger than you believe. Most times. We are. It doesn’t have to be for others. Nobody else needs to know. But do your best to get better every day, even if it’s for mundane things like making your bed or brushing your teeth. Throughout a year, it might not seem like much. But throughout a lifetime. Simple acts of improvement add up. Keep going, and you may find that you’ve always had it in you to ascend.

by Jason Lam

YOU HAVE IT IN YOU

If you are unhappy with your life you have it within you to change it and make things better. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I’m saying it is within your realm of capabilities to make things better in your life. But you need to want it and you need to have the discipline and the patience to understand that real noticeable change starts with baby steps and could take years to really notice any sort of difference. Whatever you do, stop finding a way to justify your problems and stop looking for people to make you feel better about your sad predicament. Instead, look for people to challenge you, to offer ideas, action steps, and solutions to the problems you are trying to fix. From my experience, those people are out there, but more likely than not, you have to be the one that goes out looking for them. They won’t be looking for you. Often, you probably won’t even want to listen to the ones looking for you because that means you’re not motivated. They found you at a static state. You need to motivate yourself. Pick yourself up and get moving even if it’s a tiny increment a day. Slow progress is still progress. One step is still better than none. Stop complaining. Stop blaming. Stop making excuses. If you need to vent, sure, go ahead and vent, scream into a pillow. Hit a punching bag. But in order to improve your life, you need to act. It might not happen in a day, it might not happen in a year. But you need to try. Sure, sometimes trying will lead you down some dead ends. You might look less graceful than you’d like. Your friends might look at you weird for doing things that are out of the ordinary. But at least you’re moving. At least you’re collecting information. And the more you do, the more you learn about what’s possible, and you learn about what’s possible within you. Most people won’t do what I just said you should do because most people would rather stay exactly where they are and hope to be “saved”. But newsflash, nobody’s coming to save you. So you can sit on your ass and keep complaining for the rest of your life and play the role of the victim or you can stand your ass up and just do something. Anything. Sure, it’s hard. Sure you might know less than you think you should know. But the question becomes, what the fuck else do you have to do anyway? You already know what you’re doing isn’t working. But for some reason, you just keep doing the same damn things and complaining about constantly getting the same sorry results. Who’s responsibility does that fall on? Are you still going to keep pointing the finger towards other people? There’s a saying that goes, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. Well, I don’t think that’s any different from improving your life. You got to where you are today by some combination of actions and inaction, some combination of the people you met and didn’t meet. Some combination of opportunities and missed opportunities, and so you’ve ended up here. Well, who do you think is on the losing end of the bargain if you keep going down the road you’ve been on this whole time. Shame on who? If you are unhappy with your life, you have it within you to change and make things better. Stop complaining. Stop blaming. Start doing.

by Jason Lam

"WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU WISH PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT YOU?"

My friend, Natalie, once took me to eat at Tito’s Tacos in Culver City, Los Angeles. That was when she introduced me to this amazing dish called, “chilaquiles”. For those of you who don’t know. It’s tortilla chips covered in a delicious red sauce, freshly chopped green onions, sour cream, queso, and if you want you can even add an egg on top. Of course, we had to add the egg.

During the meal, we talked about life and artistry, which is something we often talk about. I like talking to her because she is very understanding, and as an artist herself, I feel she gets me in ways that maybe other people don’t.

And as the conversation weaved through seemingly inappropriate topics like sexual organs and other disgusting things to life purposes and goals, (we’re weird like that), she asked me:

“What’s something you wish people knew about you?”

My answer: I’m actually trying to help.

This was a question no one had ever asked me. And this was a truth I noticed I never expressed.

I’m here to help.

I want to help.

As cheesy as it sounds, I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. My desire to help informs everything I do. From my seemingly lazy days where I appear to be doing nothing. To my angry rants and frustration when I feel like things aren’t quite going the way I’d like.

I travel because I want help. I create because I want to help. I write because I want to help.

Maybe it comes across a weird way. Maybe it’s a little too abstract. Maybe it sounds too uppity or preachy. But from my experience, it always served to put myself out there and share my perspective than it was to stay on the sidelines, hoping, wishing, and praying that I would get picked.

I create, I share, I put myself out there because I picked myself. I decided not to wait. I decided to fail and embarrass myself in the hopes that I get better, and that by getting better, I can help even more. That’s something I wish people knew about me. Because I know sometimes as an artist I may seem self-indulgent. I struggle with that sometimes too. But through it all. I’m here to help. I really am.

Thank you, Natalie, for creating the space to bring that out of me. And also for introducing me to the most delicious meal of my life.

I love chilaquiles! =)

by Jason Lam

"I'M NOT GOOD"

It’s not fair to say you’re not good at something that you’ve never put your time into. Or better yet, saying you’re not good at something you never gave yourself an opportunity to get good at.

Sometimes I teach dance workshops. They’re super fun. And a lot of times, I’ll have some beginners walk up to me telling me how they’ve never done this before. I can tell by the sound of their voice they are super nervous. I’ve even pulled several of them up to be my teaching assistant. Only to see their faces turn white, almost begging me to choose somebody else. But here’s how I think of it. You came to class. So you’re giving yourself this opportunity. Now we just need some time and energy to get you where you want to be, and if not, at least one step closer. All the beginner students who are freaking out? By the end of class, they’re always the ones having the most fun, laughing, smiling, and DANCING. Their previous fearful self? Gone. It’s something that always brings me joy and it’s one of the reasons why I love sharing so much.

Maybe whatever you think you’re "not good" at isn’t something you should be saying to yourself. Instead, you should be saying, “I haven’t given myself the opportunity to get better yet”.

by Jason Lam

SHORT TERM WEALTH

Dabbling in everything for all of your twenties probably isn’t the best idea in terms of generating wealth from a young age. Anyone who understands personal finance knows that you need “compound interest” for your money to grow, and the later you start, the longer it will take to become financially free.

I’ve already missed the boat on that one, unfortunately, but fortunately, I don’t ever plan on retiring. Even more, I allowed myself the opportunity to pursue my enthusiasms, so much to the point where the lack of dollars in my bank account means nothing in comparison to the life experience I’ve gained.

It is precisely because I’ve dabbled that I know what I want to go all in on. It’s because I’ve worked so many odd jobs that I now have a clearer picture of what I want. And no, I don’t necessarily need to be doing epic shit all the time. I don’t have to be traveling the world all the time. I don’t have to have the greatest food or the prettiest landscapes. I also don’t need to be working with the biggest brand names. I just need to be learning, growing, and sharing.

This blog, this website, and all the work I share is the story of that lifelong journey.

by Jason Lam

MAD LIBS

“You’re not going to get by in life with _________”

Fill in the blank

Been being real with myself. Being honest about what’s holding me back. What’s stopping my progress. Because as much progress I think I’ve made, I know there are some real things weighing me down.

Thought this would be a good remix on the mad libs we used to play with as kids as a way to trick myself into finding out the dark truths I’d rather ignore…

The things you need to hear will present itself to you, but you must have the courage to face it.

by Jason Lam

FIND THE WEAKNESS TO YOUR WEAKNESS

If you are shy, find out what your shyness is afraid. If you are timid, find the weakness to the timidness. If you often procrastinate, find procrastinations biggest enemy. 

I know this sounds weird, but I’ve been thinking about this approach a lot versus suddenly building the confidence to do all the things I’ve ever wanted.

Instead of rising up to the occasion, maybe it’s better to weaken the obstacles ahead just enough to keep going.

by Jason Lam

EVERYBODY WILL ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

You talk weird. Why are you so slow. Why are you so skinny. That’s a few I've heard in my life. That’s also the reason why it’s so hard to put yourself out there and go for what you really want. Because when you do, you’re exposed. There’s nowhere to hide. No thanks. Better to stay inside where it's safe. Keep my head down. Follow the rules. It’s comfortable here.

But the thing is it’s not comfortable. It’s a fake box created by other people to make you feel comfortable.

It's an illusion.

Criticism is everywhere.

Constructive criticism is rare.

Curate your critiques so you get what you need. Everybody's got something to say, but it might not be the message most necessary to your journey.

Most often, I realized people talking negatively are really just talking about themselves. They’re unhappy about something in their own life, and so they dump all that garbage on you. By dumping all this garbage on you, they get to refresh. And if in the unfortunate situation you agree with what they say and decide not to live your life, they also get to feel good about being right.

But it’s your choice to decide whether or not to take that garbage. Who knows, you might find some real gems among all the commentary, but in the end, you are responsible for how your life turns out, for better, and for worse.

You decide what you want to listen to, and if you want, you can turn off the radio altogether.

"If I listened to feedback, I would have quit on the first day."
- Seth Godin

by Jason Lam