I’m no doctor but I’ve felt the very real effects of stress. It comes out of nowhere, almost as if it creeps up on you throughout the years and one day it hits you like a train. You wake up all groggy. You don’t have the energy to go out on the weekends, and even if you do, you can’t ever relax and have fun. That’s stress. And it gets the best of us.
What I’ve learned about stress is it’s not something you can just rid yourself of with a single yoga session or a weekend retreat. Stress builds up slowly, so you also need to find a way to release it slowly. Most often it comes down to the environment you’re in, and the daily habits you’ve developed throughout the course of your life.
In order to better manage your stress, you must be very honest about what could be stressing you out. Deadlines at work, a difficult boss, pressures at home, maybe even a bad chair, or desk. Who knows, it could even be the lights in your home aren’t the right color temperature. Whatever it is, we must become aware of what could be the cause of your stress. Almost like Sherlock Holmes, you must examine yourself with a magnifying glass and identify every smallest bit of detail as a possible suspect.
This isn’t to say that stress is all bad. Stress is the result of a natural bodily mechanism that secretes cortisol to help us focus. You know, good old fight or flight mechanisms. The problem is when it’s prolonged for days, months, and years. That’s when you start losing your appetite. Your skin begins to turn pale. And aging. Wow. It makes you age. fast.
So what do you do?
It’s different for everybody but I’ll tell you what I did:
Admit I was stressed - I had to admit the problems I was having isn’t because I’m not strong or brave enough, it was because I was incapable of handling all the pressures mounting up in my life. I’m imperfect and fragile. There, I said it.
Start talking about it - It’s ok to say you’re stressed. Most often, If you try to hold it in, you just get make it worse.
Identify what could be causing you stress - Do little experiments to see if you are less stressed without that stimulant. A lousy commute. Pressing deadlines. Bad weather. It could be anything really. Most times, it’s a combination of a lot of small things.
Relax - I know. Easier said than done. I don’t say this in terms of just getting a massage or going on a simple retreat. While those are encouraged, I like to incorporate moments of relaxation and opportunities to destress on a daily basis. Make it a routine to go out with friends. Take regular breaks at work. Sure, get a massage. Create stricter guidelines so you’re not always checking your phone. Allow time for yourself to rest.
Understand that stress is normal - Your goal is not to rid yourself of it completely but to find ways to improve your relationship with it.
You’ll notice, as I have, that you’ll feel more energetic. You’ll feel more positive when you wake up in the mornings. You’ll also look better, have a better appetite, and be a joy to be around.
I didn’t know how stressed I was until one day I packed my bags and moved to abroad for half a year with the sole purpose of allowing myself to do nothing but what brings me joy. Yeah, that’s how stressed I was.
You have to experiment with yourself sometimes. Your doctors and friends can only help you so much. Sometimes, you have to be a doctor to yourself. As inadequate and inept you might feel, I think it’s empowering to know that it’s still within us to do what needs to be done in order to take care of ourselves.
You are not weak because you cannot handle stress. You are human.
Take care of yourself.
by Jason Lam