I disagree. I don’t think a beautiful picture of a woman needs to be of a girl smiling. Nor does she have to be young. With absolutely flawless skin. Nor does she need to be wearing fancy clothes, or a bikini. Beauty can’t be quantified by physical qualities. It’s a feeling. A least, that’s what I try to capture in my photos.
by Jason Lam
I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. Not in work. Not in love. I won’t find anything that is perfect in EVERY way. That’s not something to be sad about though, because you can still find something that is pretty damn awesome in a lot of ways. And that’s really more than enough. Took me a while to realize that. Took me even longer to accept it. And even longer to put it into practice. Life lessons come in waves, and some of these waves are few and far between.
by Jason Lam
Your value as a photographer is not dependent on your ability to set up a light stand, nor is it your ability to know the difference between a mafer and a super clamp (there is no difference), nor is it how fast you’re able to run and grab an apple box. It also isn’t how much people are willing to pay you for your work. It’s.. as cheesy as it sounds, self-defined. The reason I say that is because I know so many talented photographers who don’t get paid, who still work multiple jobs to stay afloat, and wouldn’t know a thing about lighting equipment if you asked them. You wouldn’t look down on them as an artists though. These people are damn talented.
If you think about the greats like Mary Ellen Mark, Irving Penn, and Peter Lindbergh. Would you question their novelty? No. But can you really imagine them adjusting the sliders in Capture One? Setting up a 12x12 silk? Or struggling to move around those awkward V-flats? Ok, maybe you can, but even if they couldn’t, I doubt you’d question their abilities as a photographer.
So the question becomes, well, now what? Or better yet, how in the world do you even get to their level? I think it starts by stating yourself as who you are. You are an artist. First and foremost. A confident artist at that. And if you need to be an assistant to learn the ropes, so be it, but go into it knowing why you are there and what you stand for. Whatever happens, don’t let people push you around, because, well, that’s basically the nature of it all anyway. Don’t undersell yourself. Because if you do, people will walk all over you. You know your worth, and if you don’t, find it for yourself. The people on “the top” aren’t the most talented ones. They’re the most confident ones. And if you aren’t confident you’ll end up working for someone who is, and that’s that.
by Jason Lam
I was chatting with an old colleague of mine at the Airbnb headquarters. Man, that place is sick!!! He’s a bit older than me so it’s always nice to hear his feedback, especially since he’s gone down a similar photographic route as me. A couple things stood out from our chat, like the free kombucha on tap. Say what?! That’s crazy. But the main thing was talking about career decisions, and deciding where to live and work if one plans to have kids in the near future. And I definitely want to have a family one day. So the question became, what do I do?
He responded, “Well, I think the real question is what would you regret not doing when you have children?” I really like this question. It has echoes of a question we’ve come across quite often when we try to figure out what the hell we’re going to do with our lives: “What would you do if you were going to die tomorrow?” But it’s less cliche and it’s still about the same thing, which is time. And sure, having children isn’t as time sucking as death but it definitely cuts your time by, let’s just say roughly 80%.
So, what would you regret not doing with the limited time you have here? Fortunately, my answer to this question isn’t a long laundry list of things I need to do. I’m already doing it. Building something uniquely my own. This website and all the work I share here is the story of that journey.
by Jason Lam
I went to the very first The School of Life USA conference a couple months back. A 3 day intensive with my favorite author, Alain de Botton. One of the things we did was play this hilarious game where we write our biggest dreams down on a piece of paper, go onstage in front of the hundreds of attendees, and then announce to everybody that we will be giving up on that dream!
Case and point? Sometimes, our dreams aren’t really our own. And sometimes they can cripple us more than they can help. Sometimes, the hard work we’re putting in, the gold medal we’re trying to win, isn’t really because we actually want it, it’s because somebody else told us we’re supposed to want it. It’s a tough truth to face, let alone discover because if the answer isn’t what you want it to be, it could jeopardize the identity you’ve worked your entire life crafting.
Then again, I don’t think because it’s a hard question, that we shouldn’t try to answer with complete honesty. You might not like what you find, but from what I’ve learned, sometimes the darkness is what helps you find the light.
by Jason Lam
I’m not a coffee fanatic, but I really appreciate the idea of it. Grabbing coffee is a time to relax. A break in the day. A time of rest, but also a time to recharge as the caffeine enters your body. Two birds with one stone.
I wouldn’t want coffee if I had to drink it in a rush. I like to enjoy the whole process of going to the cafe, ordering, waiting for the coffee to be made and then enjoying it as I stare aimlessly out the window.
So, maybe I really don’t like coffee all that much. I like the opportunity to give myself a break. A reason to wait. A reason to doze off and daydream. Before, of course, going back to work.
Anybody else feel the same?
by Jason Lam
Self-expression. How do you do it? Bruce Lee, one of my idols, was huge on self-expression. He felt like that was the ultimate form of freedom and happiness. The thing is, how do you express yourself up to that level? I think you have to practice.
I used to be a very shy kid. I still am. And I’ve also had to practice expressing myself. It started off with lion dancing, but that was a little easier because you’re hiding under a costume and nobody can really see your face. Then I started playing in high school band. Christmas concert was always my favorite! When I went to college, I mustered up the courage to take my first dance class. I started learning hip-hop, popping, and house. From there I moved to New York. Which was a great place to be at the young age of 23 because everybody is upfront about being themselves. I picked up new style hustle and had many opportunities to perform on stage with my friends which was always a great time. That took me overseas every once in a while, and also got me opportunities to teach as well.
From there, I started sharing my writing on my blog. And then from there, I started allowing myself to learn all the random skills I’ve always wanted to learn. I took voice lessons, improv, and jiu-jitsu classes. I even took swimming, water polo, and lifeguarding classes. These were all things that terrified me. But I always did it because I knew it would help me grow. Plus, It was just really damn fun! Right now I’m posting videos of me in FRONT of the camera every week, and It takes me way out my comfort zone. But it’s good practice.
That was my journey in self-expression. It was feeling the fear and having the courage to follow through anyway. It was understanding that failing and embarrassing myself is the only way to grow. It was also allowing myself to experiment with different ways of self-expression that got me to this point. I’m sure there will be more challenges over the horizon, but for now, it will be making more videos. Btw, if you ever want to take your first dance class, singing class, whatever class, let me know and let’s learn together! That’s all for today! Cheers!
by Jason Lam
As I return to the frenetic energy of the city and the ordinary stress of work and deadlines, I try to remind myself of this moment. This is the stone torii gate on the beach of Naoshima Island, Japan, and it symbolizes the transition from the mundane to the sacred. With it, came the sound of the waves coming ashore, coupled with extended periods of silence. I’ve seen many torii gates in Japan, but when I saw this one I felt like I was about to enter a different world, and in a way, by coming here, I did. A world of deep reflection, thought, and time for myself… a sort of coming back to myself by leaving myself, which is a concept I’ve been trying to decipher more in my head. Where, by leaving and going off to the other side of the world, you, in fact, come back closer to yourself. Dare I say, your “true self”. Absent of all the distractions, the job titles, the status roles, even your normal thought processes and daily routines. As you are stripped, so you will be found again. Or, something like that… Are torii gates really the entrance into a spiritual world? One may never know, but it definitely feels that way. And maybe that’s all the matters.
by Jason Lam
I’ve been thinking a lot about the role of the “fool” or “looking stupid” or “embarrassing yourself”. These are all things I’d rather avoid myself but if I want to grow there really isn’t avoiding that. I think most times we try our best not to look foolish. After all, we all learn at a very young age that to be called, “stupid” or “dumbass” is one of the worst offenses!
But that’s a shame because when you’re on the road to self-growth. Looking stupid and being dumb is exactly what you need to do in order to move forward. And if you can find a way to go through that phase all in private, then good for you, but most likely you will be found out. And what do you do then? You can try to hide it, or you can just kinda say, “Well, I’m new to this, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m going to do it anyway”. Sure, people might laugh and give you a hard time but at least you’re allowing yourself a chance to get better. And if you do it long enough you might find that the same people that were laughing at you will be the ones asking you for advice.
But first, you must begin. You need to dive in unprepared. Knowing far less than you’d want to know. Looking far less elegant than you’d like to look. Flailing your arms and looking like a fool for a good amount of time before you have any inkling of knowing what you’re doing. But eventually, you will. Here’s a nice saying by one of my favorite authors:
“Anyone who isn’t embarrassed by who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough”.
- Alain de Botton
Maybe looking like a fool isn’t such a bad thing.
by Jason Lam
I like productivity, but it’s not my highest priority. My well-being, and the well-being of those nearest to me come first. If I can’t take care of myself, then I can’t take care of you. Is faster necessarily better? I’m not so sure about that anymore. I just know it sounds cool.
by Jason Lam
Let’s be real. Everything is a gamble. There are costs and tradeoffs to every decision we make. While there are tried and true ways of “making it,” nobody is safe and anything can come crashing down at any moment. So why not bet on yourself? Why not give yourself a chance? You don’t know what you are capable of until you try.
by Jason Lam
I don’t like when the wifi cuts out. But then again, I kinda do. Because it gives me a reason to slow down and take a break. It cuts me off from the many distractions that come with the benefits of the Internet. For those brief moments, I have a chance to spend time with actual people. Like, really spend time with them. You know, not like, I want to look at my phone but I won’t because I want to give you my full attention. Instead, I am giving you my full attention because there is nothing else for me to do (That sounds much meaner than I intended it to, lol). And sometimes that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be with other people. Sometimes it can mean giving yourself the full attention that you need.
by Jason Lam
I’ve come to the conclusion that if you are to grow as an artist, to not look at what others are doing. Particularly, to not look at what others are succeeding in doing. Because in doing so, we will copy, and in doing so, we become inauthentic. And the tallest order of success in any form of artistry is honesty. Don’t lie. Trust yourself.
by Jason Lam
Something I’ve learned from making art. It is often my failures and bad ideas that lead to the successes and good ideas. That is also why I’d get frustrated when others don’t allow me to fail and make mistakes. Because it’s often the misstep that leads to the right step, the epic fail that leads to the major success, and the fuck ups that lead to the come ups. Or as one of my favorite directors once said:
“Failure and success live next door to each other, and they have no numbers at the door. You just knock.”
- Guillermo del Toro
by Jason Lam
I know this might sound weird but productivity doesn’t always look like productivity. For example, sleeping, staring aimlessly out the window, or just laying on your couch watching Netflix. None of those things look like you’re being productive. And I’m sure, if done in excess, of course, it’s not. But in moderation, I think it can be really productive, if not essential.
Speaking from personal experience, I'm always better with a good night’s worth of sleep. Staring out the window is actually how I get most of my ideas, and I love watching Stranger Things, it just makes me happy. If I don't allow myself downtime, I might be able to get a little more work done, but I will eventually get burnt out. It's happened before.
I don’t think productivity always needs to look like “hustle”. No downtime. No sleep. Running around 24/7. You’re ALWAYS busy. There’s more to “putting in work” than just what looks like work. Like, I don’t know, having a nice conversation with a friend, taking a nap, or spending the afternoon at the beach.
Without a more accurate definition of productivity, we can’t ever really replenish our minds. Our brains become dull and any attempt to relax and enjoy ourselves is coupled with a deep sense of guilt that we should be working harder. It doesn’t help that we all have smartphones and are constantly tethered. It’s almost like they are using us… but that’s a whole other conversation.
Perhaps, next time you grab coffee with a friend, stay up late watching Netflix, or just spend the afternoon playing frisbee with your dog you can feel good about yourself for being, as I like to call it, “productively unproductive.”
by Jason Lam
The game might feel over, but it's never over.
Reassess. Play again. Start over.
Where did you go wrong? What did you learn? What can you do differently?
If you need to cry, do it. If you need to scream into a pillow, do it. If you need to find the nearest punching bag, do it.
Let it all out and feel those difficult emotions. But after all is said and done, you gotta get back up, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you still got this.
Take a cold shower. That usually works. (No seriously, it lifts your mood, try it!).
Go through your morning routine.
Hit the gym.
Continue to do all the things you normally would when you felt strong, because you still are. In fact, you are stronger now because you know where you are weak. Now go out. Start over and kick some ass.
by Jason Lam
Often your best idea isn’t your best idea. It is just an idea that will eventually lead you to the best idea. So get it all out. That way you can cross them all off and allow your best idea to present itself to you.
by Jason Lam
Looking back, all my worst and most time-consuming work was always the ones where I was trying to simulate what’s been done before. The norm. What’s commonly accepted. I look back at my younger self and think, "What a waste of time." When I could’ve spent it all doing what I already knew was right and good. But I guess that’s part of the journey. You get your act straight only to find your recklessness was exactly the type of magic you needed, exactly the type of energy you were required to put out into the world. So, as Steve Jobs never said, “Stay hungry, stay reckless.”
by Jason Lam
I know this sounds weird but it’s something I noticed has helped me come to better terms with myself. I quit photography recently. And this wasn’t the first time. I’ve given up on it 3 times by now in pursuit of other things. A normal job. Just because I was damn tired and disenchanted by it all. And then to pursue YouTube by creating Barely Evolved Apes. Whatever the reason, I was done, I saw no future in it, and I figured it was best just to give up.
In other words, I was running away from it all.
But oddly enough, the further I ran away from myself, and the more YouTube videos I made, the more I realized how my complete left field turn was informing the art that I abandoned. Those of you who know me know that I’ve never been very confident in my art. I never felt good enough. I didn't really start to like my stuff until about last year, and I’ve been taking pictures for 10 years. Couple that with an inability to find stable work as a photographer and you’ve got a recipe for quitting and doing something else.
I mean, everybody loves video now. So pursuing YouTube was a well thought out decision. Plus, I wanted to challenge myself, and I did.
The more I made videos though, the more I missed my “serious” work. The work that cannot be summed up with cool music or video cuts or movement at all. I missed the silent and more focused type of work that I spent most of my life pursuing. That “emo stuff” I guess some would call it. And so the more I missed it, the more I started dabbling again. But I noticed something changed. Since I pretty much gave it all up, when I dabble, I’m only doing what I know I will like. I’m not wasting time creating things because I think others would like it better. And so naturally, it came down to just a few types of photos:
Pictures of people.
Imperfection.
And a whole lot of 35mm film.
(Oh, and I also really like drawing.)
And that’s it. It’s quite simple. I don’t have elaborate setups. I don’t have fun colorful backgrounds. I also don’t have perfect composition. Nor do I care for it. And I gotta say. I quite like this version of me and this version of my art. Oddly enough, I don’t think I would’ve gotten here had I never allowed myself to quit and pursue other things.
I guess it’s true. If you love something enough you’ll always find a way back to it. So I guess I’m back. For now.
by Jason Lam
There’s a saying in Chinese, “半途而废”. Literal meaning = To walk half the road and give up. And unfortunately, I’ve walked up a lot of half roads just to give up.
Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with changing our minds. After all, people change, circumstances change, and priorities change. But there have also been a lot of things I quit for very stupid reasons. I used to just “go with the flow”, which sounds cool, but a lot of times, it doesn’t really get you anywhere.
Maybe I’m just getting older, but now I like sacrifice. I like commitments. I don’t have to quit every road in pursuit of another one. Running around in circles teaches you a thing or two about discipline eventually. Complete the task, or kill it. All or nothing. Might sound a little extreme, but I think when it comes to living the life you want, you’re either ON, or you’re OFF. There is no middle ground.
#binarydreams
by Jason Lam
