THIS IS WHY YOU MISS YOUR CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

It's easy to remember the “good old days” in hindsight, even if it means missing your crazy ex-girlfriend. Because in hindsight, it feels better to remember how much she loved you, not how much that love was borderline psycho. In hindsight, you'll only remember how she would be the only person to call or text you at the end of the day to say goodnight, which made you feel cared for, loved. But you don't remember how you just wished she would get off your back about all that, "Do we REALLY have to do this EVERY NIGHT?!" In hindsight, you start wondering to yourself whether or not it was a good idea to break up with this crazy girlfriend of yours because now you're alone, unemployed, and all these dating apps don't seem to be working as good as you thought they would.

I recently watched a TED talk about why veterans miss war and find it so difficult to transition back into normal life. The conclusion was that regardless of how dangerous life at war is, you at least know that every single soldier by your side has got your back. In essence, soldiers would rather take a life-threatening situation with brothers they can trust versus an easy life where they have no idea who they can count on. I guess it's the same with crazy ex-girlfriends...

You're in the thick of it and you just can't wait to get out. Then again, when you get out, and there isn't a crazy girlfriend chiming in on every little thing you do, you wonder, is anyone going to chime in? Does anyone even know I exist? All of the sudden, the crazy ex-girlfriend doesn’t seem so bad. Yeah maybe she was a little over the top but at least you knew she loved you. When accustomed with the tumultuous battlefield of such fanatic love, it can be difficult transitioning back to normal life where you're just an average Joe, and most people wouldn’t think to look at you twice. Alienation at its finest.

You miss your crazy ex-girlfriend because at times it was actually worth it. You knew you could call her in the middle of the night, piss drunk, and have a place to stay. And you'd probably get breakfast made for you the next morning. You knew she would always want to have sex with you, and sex with crazy girls will always be the best sex. You knew that if you were stranded on an island, she'd probably come out and save you. Yeah, you'll have to deal with her jealousy, provide her with all your undying attention, etc., but in times like those, she didn't seem too bad ... in hindsight.

Having been so used to someone who was so crazy in love with you, when you’re finally given the chance to be alone, your own person, it is terrifying. Add on to that, your new potential girlfriends couldn't give two fucks about what you do, or whether or not you called or responded to her text messages. Actually, nobody seems to care enough about you all of the sudden. No overly tight hugs, no enthusiastic "I love you,” no gut-wrenching laughing spells, no highs, no lows, just a smooth ride – maybe a little too smooth.

But that's what you wanted all along, isn't it? No, what you wanted was the good without the bad, as we all do. Then again you've matured since then, and realized there's no such thing as highs without lows. No such thing as a lover without some cons to their pros. Which is why in hindsight, your crazy ex-girlfriend doesn't seem so crazy after all, and maybe the highs were worth the lows.

But who are you kidding? You don’t actually miss the craziness. You don’t miss her at all. What you miss is the feeling of being loved, the connection, the passion, the reassurance, the acknowledgement that you exist, and that someone out here in this chaotic world cares about you. Somebody that loves you more than you love yourself – now who wouldn’t miss that?

You've come too far. You've felt the highs and though you hated the lows, it's too late to settle for someone who doesn't suffocate you with their love. Funny thing is, all men will say their girlfriends are crazy if they manage to stay with them long enough. But that's probably a good thing. We honestly wouldn't feel right if you weren't crazy at least some of the time.

Still, who are you to think that you don't have a couple issues yourself? That your “crazy” ex-girlfriend didn't feel the same about you? If “In hindsight, everything is 20/20,” maybe you’ll start realizing that at the end of the day, you were the crazy one. Then again, you're not crazy if you find someone else to be crazy with.*

It’s time to find yourself another crazy girlfriend.

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU DON'T LOVE THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU

Groucho Marx once said, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

What he means: As you are well aware of your flaws and weaknesses, you refuse to join a club that accepts an imperfect person such as yourself. They are just as inferior as you are and unworthy of your membership. 

What does this have to do with love?

We fall in love because it allows us to escape from the reality of our imperfect selves with someone who is, at least in our minds, perfect. When we fall in love, we place this person on a pedestal and idolize them because we believe they are better than us. Loving this person gives you hope that their perfection will make up for your weaknesses... laziness, fear, dishonesty, lack of courage, and all the other disgusting things you fill your life with. Because you can't find perfection in yourself, you find it in someone else and it is comforting to know that there is a chance that by being together, you will be perfect, too.

Most of the times, the people you love don't love you back. Sure, you'll be sad and upset, but you'll move on because you've loved many people that didn't love you back before. However once in a blue moon, you find a person that says the words, "I love you, too." That's when you stop loving them.

Why?

In the simplest terms, their act of returning love lowers their status down to yours and unlike them, you are not perfect. You are full of defects. If they return the love, that means they too, must be imperfect, full of defects, and as inferior as you are. Are they really just as broken, confused, and insecure as I am? I was hoping to escape when I fell in love, but instead, I just found a duplicate of my shitty self. There must have been a mistake...

No longer interested. Next.

You don't fall in love with people who are of the same level as you. They don't elicit any sense of awe or wonder. When you see or think of them, you're just reminded of your own mediocre strengths and inadequacies. Ugh.

You definitely don't fall in love with the people whom you feel are inferior to you. Why would you? He's short, average looking at best, and overweight. No thank you.

You always fall in love with people that are better than you though. Upgrade!

"I love you, too."

"Wait... Am I even worthy of an upgrade?" "What's wrong with this person?" I don't love anyone who is inferior and imperfect, why would they love me? It doesn't work, it doesn't make sense, and because you don't believe it to be a possibility when love is returned, you reject it.

You reject it like you've been rejecting yourself. You don't deserve it. You're not worthy.

Or are you?

At the end of the day, the people you love are normal at best. They're like everybody else. Human beings. It is your love that places them on a pedestal, which perpetuates your feelings of unworthiness.

I actually think this is quite unfair because those who return your love should not be rejected due to your own lack of self-confidence. As if there is a set criterion you must first achieve before anyone can love you. 

Do not fall prey to our own psychological hiccups. In order to be loved, you must first love yourself.

You have flaws, and so do I.

by Jason Lam