STOP APOLOGIZING FOR BEING WHO YOU ARE

I honestly don't really give a crap about posting pretty pictures of me looking stoically out into the landscape during my trip to [insert so-called exotic place here]. What are those people trying to prove anyway? For popularity? Admiration? To create envy? I rarely talk about my travels unless I have to, like right now. Maybe I still have a bitter taste in my mouth after having traveled a good bunch, only to have one of previous girlfriends absolutely hate me for having so much fun ... without her. How selfish of me, right?

The calm before the storm...

Well, now for the sake of preserving harmony, I won't say anything. How about that? I won't tell you about my highs. But I also won't tell you about my lows. I'll just tell you what's safe. Like how I went to do yoga today – no pictures of course, that would be mean. New restaurants? I've tried them all, but you won't know that.

Eventually we'll reach cruising altitude. Not much shutters from the lift off, no more troublesome pre-cautionary requirements. Just cruising, and maybe the subtle hum of time going past, but that'll be all. Then one day, out of the blue, you'll ask, "How come we don't talk anymore?" I'll play it nice, I'll say, "I don't know, I guess that's what happens when people are together for a long time." When what I wanted to say was, "Because I can't tell you anything without you getting pissed off." After a delayed pause, you'll fail to think of a contributing response, and we'll fall silent again. Hmm ... cruising is so nice ... Isn't it?

The explosion.

"Do you love me?" She asks. "I don't know," You reply. Sobbing. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" You think to yourself, should I tell her now? Or later? But fuck it, I can't take it anymore either. "Because you criticize every little thing I say or do."

Shock, met with confusion.

You realize to yourself, that wow … she had no idea. She had no idea what she has been putting you through. She's just being herself.

You start to feel the slight pinch of being mistaken. Because, for all you know, she was doing all these things knowingly, consciously, just like you.

Then you realize ... How stupid of me to actually believe that everybody behaves the same way I do. Too late to abort mission now. You continue.

"I feel like I can't be myself around you. It's like I'm constantly being watched, you're constantly commenting on every little thing I do, and there is always something wrong."

She makes you feel inadequate. The worst pain a man can feel with a woman.

You make her feel unwanted ... But it's her fault, you convince yourself. Accept her criticism as part of the pain that comes with the love? No thanks. I'll just huddle up in my protective shell. She can't hurt what she can't see.

The devastation after the storm.

You can't stay huddled up any longer. Life is calling, and you have to answer. You come out of your shell – this protective alcove you've created for yourself your entire life and you realize you’ve played as much of a part in this mess you created as she did.

Where you went wrong was not going out and living the life that you wanted and doing all the things you ever wished to do. Where you went wrong was deciding to live a lesser version of yourself for the sake of preserving the harmony around you, even if it meant a false perception of harmony.

You said “Sorry,” when you should've said, “So what?” or better yet, “Fuck You.”

You need to stop apologizing for being who you are. You need to ruffle some feathers and you're going to piss some people off. And if your friends and lovers aren’t down with that, then it's on to the next one. Better to live a life with a pack of haters if it means you can find some true lovers.

Forget about cruising. Aim too high. Fall way too low. Instead of saying “Sorry,” say “Fuck you.” Because while pleasing everybody means a life with no haters, it also means a life in which no one loves you. Be yourself. Be more of yourself. Polarize those around you. Make them fight. Piss them off. At least in that way, you know who stands by your side. Because there's nothing more terrifying than a life with a lot of friends without a single clue about whom you can count on.

by Jason Lam

JUST BE YOURSELF

I just got off the phone after an hour-long conversation with my long-time friend from UCLA, Yvette. She was out in NYC with me for a while just to try things out, worked odd jobs here and there, but eventually moved out to the Bay Area to work as the studio manager at an up-and-coming design studio.

I have also been working odd jobs here and there, and I was recently offered the chance to interview for the studio manager position at a prestigious design agency located at the heart of SoHo in New York City.

Yvette gave me the lowdown on what it means to be a studio manager. Scanning receipts, dealing with the cable guy, plan events for company bonding, then get yelled at for not doing it the way person A-Z wanted it to be done. 

It shouldn't come as a surprise then that my dear friend Yvette will be quitting in 2 weeks and moving to Los Angeles to pursue a new life – one that doesn't involve wasting one's life away doing somebody else's work. We also spoke about reading Eckhart Tolle, going to Coachella and doing acid for the first time, but I digress...

Yvette ended the conversation with this, "Just be yourself."

MINDBLOWN.

I say this because I think it's really easy to forget. It's easy to forget that you're not actually supposed to cram yourself into the shitty NYC subway every morning to sit at a shitty office job from 9-5, only to end up getting shitfaced after work because you can't figure out how you got yourself into so much shit in the first place. It's easy to forget that you don't have to be a slave to your boss, and that life can be so much more... 

I forgot.

I seem to forget quite often, and that's quite hard to admit. Who am I really? Where do my interests lie? What would I be doing if money wasn't an issue and I had all the resources in the world?

And do my answers correlate with what I'm doing now? Or at least with where I'm headed?

I think this is what the overabundance of inspirational talks and self-help books are basically trying to tell us. Cheesy images of beautiful women doing yoga against the sunset with quotes like, "Everything happens for a reason." The lone ranger standing on the breathtaking mountaintop asking, "What's stopping you?" We're just being told the same thing.

JUST BE YOURSELF.

Now, this isn't to say that I'm not going to dislike being a studio manager, I haven't tried it yet, but this is to say stop voluntarily putting yourself in situations you don't want to be in – and to stop doing shit you don't want to do.

Thank you, Yvette, for the wakeup call.

Goodnight.

by Jason Lam