YOU CAN'T DO IT LIKE ME

You can't do it like me.

Because there's only one me.

But I also can't do it like you.

Because there's only one you

by Jason Lam

PROVE IT TO YOURSELF

When it comes down to it, everything I do is to prove to myself if I can do it. Traveling solo in Europe. Moving to a foreign country. Making it in the cut-throat photography world in NYC. Dancing. Singing. Swimming. Running my own business. And other more simple things, like painting my room and sending handwritten postcards. 

Do I appreciate the accolades and support from others? Sure. But really I’m just curious as to whether or not I could pull it off. I enjoy challenging myself. I like starting at the bottom and looking at how much further I have to go. I like coming home tired because I spent the entire day learning a new craft. I also enjoy sharing it with other people and inspiring others to do the same. 

My only tip is if you want to do something, don’t tell anyone. Just go do it and let your actions speak for itself. Your true friends will find out eventually and even if they don’t, it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you know what you did. You know what you achieved. So go out. Prove it to yourself.

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU NEED TO OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF LOOKING STUPID

Learning, growing, and kicking ass is a process, and looking stupid is a part of that process.

Let’s be honest. You weren’t always this sexy. You weren’t always this ripped. You weren’t always this good in bed. You weren’t always this smart.

If you’re completely honest, you looked like a complete idiot when you first started doing anything you now call yourself “good” at.

However, as we get older, it’s as if our ability to look stupid seems to weaken. More and more, I hear close friends of mine telling me of things they want to do but don’t.

“No way, I’ll look like such a dumbass.”

“I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“Everybody’s going to laugh at me.”

But here’s the thing. Failing and looking stupid is an essential part of learning and growing. If we are to zoom out and take a look at the bigger picture, we’ll understand that embarrassing ourselves is simply the stepping-stone towards greatness. All of the sudden, the phase of stupidity seems more bearable.

We as adults mistakenly believe the initial incompetence and embarrassment of a new undertaking will last forever. It’s as if every time you summon the courage to do something new, there’s a big black hole waiting to suck you in. It also doesn’t help that all your friends are there with their smartphones, ready to document your utter failure and laugh at you for the rest of your life.

Step One: If your friends are doing that, then you shouldn’t be friends with them anymore.

Step Two: Unfortunately, people find a lot of joy at the expense of others (which is further exacerbated by the seeming permanence of smartphones and the Internet), but that comes with the territory. Just remember that this momentary relapse in gracefulness is not a reflection of the entire you, and it need not be taken personally.

Far too many people fail to grow into higher versions of themselves because they don’t want to look stupid when they are merely inexperienced – at least in that very moment in time. Out of the fear of looking stupid, many people, surprisingly, stay stupid. The reality is you probably do look a bit silly doing anything for the first time. If you held a mirror up and got a good look at yourself, I’m sure you’d have a good laugh as well. Find solace in the fact that looking anything but graceful when venturing out into new territory is absolutely normal. Embarrassing yourself is just a small, necessary step toward a much longer process of growth and wisdom. If anything, looking stupid is simply a prerequisite to totally kicking ass.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Remember, you’ve stumbled, crawled and fell over and over again before you learned how to walk. That didn’t stop you. You couldn’t even write your own name correctly at one point in your life. That didn’t stop you. You were terrible in bed once. That didn’t stop you. Why should anything else stop you now?

Go out and look stupid.

by Jason Lam

WHEN THE BEST HELP IS NO HELP

Ever wonder how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly?

Caterpillars go through a phase of metamorphosis that lasts for about two weeks. To the untrained eye, the final stages of evolving into a butterfly looks as if they are stuck and struggling to get out. Some people, through the kindness of their hearts, help the butterfly out its cocoon by breaking it open, only to find that the butterfly’s wings do not work. It cannot fly. All it can do at this point is crawl and most likely die an early death.

During the last stages of the cocoon phase, what looks like the butterfly is struggling is actually its way of strengthening its wings. When you help a butterfly out of its cocoon, you are taking away its opportunity of strengthening itself for the real world. You offered help when the best thing you could’ve done was to do nothing at all.

Something to think about.

by Jason Lam

WHY YOU NEED TO START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

A funny thing happens when you don’t believe in yourself. Others won’t believe in you either, and then all the doors that were once open to you are now closed. And who closed them? You did.

Another funny thing is that self-confidence has absolutely nothing to do with your actual skill level. While it is easy to think that there is a direct correlation between the two, there really isn’t. Though it is definitely common to see talented people with a great sense of self-confidence, there are still plenty of other talented people who have a great lack of self-confidence.

A lack of self-confidence can come from within, but most often it comes from our upbringing and our surroundings, which we then internalize. Were people supportive of your endeavors? Or were you left alone to figure things out yourself? Were your achievements rewarded? Or did people barely even notice? If there was no trust and support, you start to believe that this is normal. It is normal for people to not be supportive of your endeavors. It is normal for people not to notice your achievements … And then you begin the slow process of closing yourself off.

You no longer seek support. You no longer invite people to your exhibits, performances or even a school graduation. Then again, you continue working, you get better and better, and one day people start to notice and compliment you. But by then it’s too late. You’ve become numb to the pain of having to traverse this journey alone, and therefore you’ve also become numb to the fruits of your labor.

People start requesting to work with you. They tell you they’re fans of your work and want to collaborate with you. But you say no. You keep saying no and, in a way, it’s retribution for all the sleepless nights you had to spend alone working on your craft with no one there to even say a simple, “Good job.”

“Back then they didn’t want me. Now I’m hot, they all on me”

“Oh, now you want me?!” A natural response. I completely understand. I even think you should stay in that zone for bit; not just to get it out of your system, but specifically so that you can experience how much lonelier it can be at the top. You thought it was rough before? Think again.

You need those open doors, and you need to walk in.

Enough with the self-pity. We know; nobody believed in you back then, but now they do. Enjoy it. And if you can’t, learn to enjoy it.

What’s worse than being a person of no skill that nobody notices? Being a person of great talent that everybody adores but nobody dares to confront because you don’t believe in yourself. Heck, if that’s the case, you mind as well be an asshole! But you’re not. You’re a nice person. Everybody loves you. Let them love you. Learn to accept love again despite never having received it before.

Walk through the door. One door will lead to the next … And sooner or later you’ll realize that there has always been someone supportive by your side. You just had to find them.

In other words, you have to be your own biggest fan before others can be a fan of you.

by Jason Lam