For the past decade of my life, I’ve tried to craft this perfect image of a cool, stoic, black and white photographer. Ugh, just typing it out makes me want to puke. The reasoning behind it all was because I thought I needed to present myself in that manner in order to get work and build a good reputation. After all, many of the photographers I’ve looked up to seem to project this sort of mystical aura. They almost seem like gods who can create masterpiece after masterpiece, and here I am, just struggling to pull together a shoot, yet still trying to make it look like it’s all so easy.
It’s not.
There are, in fact, many minor inconveniences about photography. You need to find the right subject. If you are shooting outdoors you need to hope and pray the weather is good. Before that, you need to find a location. And if you are going to shoot in a studio instead, well, you’re going to have to pay, and it can get quite expensive. People cancel last minute. And even if everything lines up, you might not be able to develop any chemistry with your subject to come up with good work. Lastly, some clients don’t pay. I remember all of them.
But still, I’ve persisted with this cool… calm image.
It’s fake.
At least, I think my intentions are real. No, my intentions are very real. I have absolutely no other desire but to create raw, honest, and timeless work. Outside of the basic well-being of myself and those around me, that’s all I really want to do in my life. I just want to create, and I want to create at the highest level possible. And I guess, I’m coming to the realization that continuing as this cool calm black and white figure that I’ve created for myself is not the way.
The way forward is to continue as authentically me as possible, and that means not limiting myself to an image crafted by a younger, more naive version of me.
I need to grow.
Seems to be the case, huh? No matter how much you learn, how much you grow, and how many damn lessons life has thrown at you. There’s still more.
So much more.
Moving forward, I will continue creating from the truest parts of me. I will not limit myself to this image I’ve crafted. I will let life be a little more messy. I will let my authenticity express its full self, and accept it in every form that it takes.
Onwards.
by Jason Lam