PROVE IT TO YOURSELF

When it comes down to it, everything I do is to prove to myself if I can do it. Traveling solo in Europe. Moving to a foreign country. Making it in the cut-throat photography world in NYC. Dancing. Singing. Swimming. Running my own business. And other more simple things, like painting my room and sending handwritten postcards. 

Do I appreciate the accolades and support from others? Sure. But really I’m just curious as to whether or not I could pull it off. I enjoy challenging myself. I like starting at the bottom and looking at how much further I have to go. I like coming home tired because I spent the entire day learning a new craft. I also enjoy sharing it with other people and inspiring others to do the same. 

My only tip is if you want to do something, don’t tell anyone. Just go do it and let your actions speak for itself. Your true friends will find out eventually and even if they don’t, it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, you know what you did. You know what you achieved. So go out. Prove it to yourself.

by Jason Lam

10 MORE ALTERNATIVES TO FINDING YOUR “PASSION”

I still don’t like the word “passion.” I still think it’s a loaded word, but everybody still seems bent on finding it, so here we go:

1) What conversations do you enjoy having? The types of conversations we want to have determine the types of friends we make, the work we do, and ultimately, the person we become and the contribution we make to the world. I particularly enjoy having conversations about why people do the things they do and how a greater understanding of the self can lead to a better life. 

2) If you were stuck on Mars with 30 days left of food, what would you say to everyone? Funny how a life or death situation can remind ourselves what truly matters. What would you say? And how could you apply what you are saying to your own life?

3) What topic could you read 1,000 books on? Take a look at your bookshelf. Are there any reoccurring subjects? Maybe you’ve already read 1,000 books on a certain topic without even knowing it. What topics do you find yourself returning to and wanting to learn more about?

4) What’s the overarching theme between all the things you’ve been doing and all the goals you’ve been making? Take out a piece of paper. Write it down. Create a map. How does it all link back up to each other? If you look back far enough, perhaps you’ll find that everything all connects to one overarching goal.

5) What would you regret not pursuing when laying on your deathbed? I know. A little hard to imagine. This question is even a little borderline cliché but only because it’s very helpful. What would you regret? Maybe that’s precisely what you need to do.

6) What do you want your future self to look like? Take 10 minutes to fantasize what a day in your perfect life would look like. Start in the morning, and describe everything you do in detail from the moment you wake up. Where are you? Who are you with? How are you spending your day? Now, read over what you wrote. How does this future self differ from who you are now? What can you do today so this future self can one day become your present self?

7) What would you do for free? You may find that you’re already doing what you’re passionate about without even noticing it. This often happens because some of us might think that passion must be a burning desire you feel when you wake up every morning. It doesn’t have to be. It can just be something you enjoy without even getting paid for it. Maybe you really like baking, offering words of advice to friends in need, or telling stories. So ask yourself, are you already doing it?

8) What work were you doing the last time you forgot time altogether? In psychology, there is a term called “Flow.” Or in other words, “being in the zone;” a state of complete absorption in an activity where time flies. Right off the top of my head, it’s when I’m writing, performing and teaching. How about you?

9) How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? Much of how we feel in the present is determined by what we have in store for the future. What do you look forward to? What do you want to look forward to?

10) What do you miss? As we grow older, there are more and more things we let go of for the purpose of becoming an “adult.” Sometimes, this type of thinking forces us to let go of things we otherwise would have very much wanted to hold onto. I miss high school band. I miss playing music. I miss being part of a team. I miss the camaraderie. I miss having a coach. And I’ll share a secret, when I was a kid, my dream was to be a rock star.

If it makes you feel any better, whatever you’re searching for is also searching for you. Sometimes you just need to open yourself up to the things that are already trying to find a way into your life.

by Jason Lam 

ON BUILDING OUT YOUR COMFORT ZONE

Today was a special day.

I sang for the very first time in front of an audience.

That’s right; I sang a song, all by myself. 

I’ve been taking voice lessons. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since my teenage years but never got around to because I was scared. I always managed to find an excuse not to go through with it. I noticed fear and staying in your comfort zone makes you really good at that. I also noticed that time doesn’t make your desires go away; it only makes your desires grow stronger, so much to the point where the joy of staying in your comfort zone is no longer worth the pain of not following through. In my case, it took 10 years to get out of my comfort zone and do what I’ve always wanted to do.

“Just because it feels comfortable, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good for you.”

On the same note, just because something is uncomfortable, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad for you.

This bit of knowledge comes from my voice coach, Ellen Robinson, who, despite my limited experience as a singer, I believe is one of the best voice teachers out there. Singing often requires that we reach parts of our voice that may feel a bit uncomfortable. She demonstrated how our normal speaking voice requires rather minimal effort to make a sound and how the ease of regular speaking only covers a limited range of notes. When we sing, we must force ourselves outside of the narrow range we have grown accustomed to and go beyond our comfort zone. It is only by doing so that we can truly tap into the potentials of our voice.

Ellen likens getting out of your comfort zone to building an attic. 

First, you have to make the decision to get up there. And when you’ve done so, start by dusting everything out. Then you need to give the walls a fresh coat of paint and start moving in some furniture. Who knows, maybe you can even put up some window curtains and lay out a few pictures. You’re venturing into foreign territory so it may feel a bit intimidating but that’s why you need to build it out slowly. Then you need to hang out there. 

When you’re getting out of your comfort zone, you’re essentially creating a new space for yourself. It’s going to feel a bit alien the first couple of times. It requires getting over your fears and inhibitions. On a more tactile note, it is a process, often a very slow process. That’s why you need to keep going up there, going through the necessary steps, and work through your discomforts. Remind yourself that just a tiny bit of progress is still progress. You’ll be surprised to find that eventually, you will have created a new space for yourself in a place you never imagined possible. In fact, you might quite enjoy being up there.

How I built my attic:

I came in on the first day only planning to sit in and observe because I was afraid to commit. Little did I know, I ended up participating, loved it so much, and officially enrolled in the class. Each class started by warming up our voices through a series exercises. Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So. Then came the sheet music. Key signatures. Vocal ranges. More music. And suddenly we’re talking about major and minor thirds, key changes, codas, al codas, triplets, and harmonies. This happened for one hour a week. Before I knew it, there I was singing a solo for the first time in front of a real audience, instead of doing it drunk at a karaoke bar. I was actually singing. This was what building my attic was like. Just one hour a week. Imagine what you could do in an entire lifetime.

I sang “How Little We Know” by Frank Sinatra.

Here is my rendition with all its imperfections:

I share this story with you today because I feel that life provides us with a lot of space to really build something beautiful and magnificent. This space comes in the form of time, and if you are staying in your comfort zone out of fear, then I would like to remind you that you don’t have time to waste. Time passes, and you will get older whether you like it or not. You cannot control that, but whether or not you set out to get what you came here for is up to you.

How far will you reach outside your comfort zone? How many extra rooms and attics will you build inside your home? What will you do with these seconds of opportunities that life provides you every day? 

Remind yourself that just because something feels good, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good for you. In order to reach our best selves, we must be willing to trust the process and do things that absolutely terrify us from time to time. Don’t just get out of your comfort zone -- build out your comfort zone. 

by Jason Lam

10 ALTERNATIVES TO FINDING YOUR "PASSION"

I personally don’t like the word “passion.” I think it’s a loaded word, but everybody seems bent on finding it, so I might as well help you along your path.

1) Who do you admire? Though I can’t say I have found my passion, I do have a few people that make me say to myself, “Wow, I want to be just like him.” You probably admire multiple people, and your ideal self is a mishmash of all those people combined. While everybody has been preaching looking within, sometimes it’s easier to look out and see what you like. So who do you admire? And to take it a step further, what do they do? And how can you get yourself closer to that?

2) If you’re in a bookstore, which section do you go to first? I’ve always gravitated toward the self-help section for some reason. And if it wasn’t the self-help section, it was the travel section. Funny enough, I never really found myself in the photography section too often, but only because I view photography as a tool we must utilize to talk about something else. Frankly speaking, I can’t use this tool unless I have something important to say. Which part of the bookstore have you been finding yourself in lately?

3) If there was a zombie apocalypse and you were the sole survivor, would you still be doing it? The basic infrastructure of life as we know it no longer exists. The typical 9-5 is gone. No more mortgage, health insurance, or fuss about a 401k match. It’s just you and the world. What would you still be doing?

4) When you are left alone, what are you drawn to? When I’m left alone, I’m drawn to thinking, seeing, and creating imaginative stories in my head, which ultimately leads me to write everything down. So when I am left alone, I write. I can’t help but write. It seems quite second nature to me. What about you?

5) If you painted a canvas of your ideal life, what would it look like? How different would it be from the life you’re living now? What can you do today that can make your life look more like the painting of your ideal life?

6) What has your inner voice been telling you to do? What do you want more of? If there is something you have been thinking about for a long time, chances are you need to go and do it. The reality is you’re going to end up doing it anyway, so any time spent doing otherwise is just time wasted. As Bruce Lee says, "If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made of." I want to create more great work, both in writing and photography, and that is what I will do.

7) What are you glad you let go of? Letting go comes with many negative connotations because it can feel like giving up, but sometimes it is the best thing you can do for yourself. Why did you let go? Sometimes knowing what you want means knowing what you don't want. Sounds simple, but this subtle distinction will help you avoid making the same mistakes further down the line.

8) What do you want your days to look like? I like this question because it forces us to think about the lifestyle you would have if you were to follow your passion instead of only focusing on what you should be doing. By posing the question this way, we can work our way backward from the life that we want to live and, ultimately, the type of work most suitable to sustain this lifestyle.

9) What gives you goosebumps? We get goosebumps when we are either cold or frightened, but fear can be interpreted as a sign that you are on the right path. I get goosebumps at the thought that my work can actually make a difference. It's scary, but it's a sign that perhaps I am headed the right direction.

10) What do you want people to remember you for? Someday, people will summarize your life in a single sentence or word. What do you want it to be? Inspiring. I want to be remembered as someone who inspired others to get what they want out of life. If by coming in contact with me or my work, I enriched your life in some way, inspired you to overcome your fears and take a step closer towards the person you want to be and the life you want to live, then I have done my job.

by Jason Lam