There’s been a lot of talk about believing in yourself and being clear about the story we tell ourselves aka self-talk. I believe that is all useful in regards to what we eventually end up doing with our lives, then again, this type of speaking can often make life feel a little lonely.

It’s as if it’s all on you… and only you.

But I believe there is immense power in finding others who are there for you, who will support you, who will accept you for who you are and encourage you when times get tough.

I know we are capable of doing all this ourselves but as we all know, when we’ve hit rock bottom, it’s a little tough to handle it all on our own. We do need that helping hand. Those words of encouragement. That reassuring pat on the back. The words whispering into our ear, “It’s okay. You got this”.

I was always a very independent person. Didn’t need much approval from others to set out and do things differently. I was a bit quirky I guess, or rather, outwardly quirky. I had a multitude of interests that didn’t necessarily vibe with my peers. Being made fun of was normal as a child. It was rare for someone to hear news of my desires to learn how to sing and dance and be supportive. Instead, they point, laugh, and tell all their friends to join in and do the same. I guess that’s why I’ve become a bit reserved, diving into books and finding comfort in the words of authors or letting it all out on this blog. I was trying to do it all alone and remain sane… only to realize that I can’t and that I’ve become quite lonely.

While I still believe we must do our best to stand on our own two feet, I am also encouraging that we all share our values and interests with others for the sake of ourselves. I say this because when we venture off to try something new, or cultivate a new interest, it is easy to want to give up because perhaps our “passions” isn’t what we thought it was going to be, when really our disappointments may just stem from failing to find a healthy and encouraging environment to cultivate that passion.

When we do find our tribes, our lives become like that of a friendly gathering where time flies and the best memories are made, versus a solo trip filled with negativity and the false belief that nobody understands and you’re all alone in the world. In addition, finding our tribe and gaining first-hand experience on how it feels to be truly accepted, loved, and supported for who you are, teaches you to be a more open and loving person as well. It’s a win-win for both you and the rest of the world.

Loneliness is a choice. 

Finding your tribe and cultivating a life around people who appreciate and support you for who you is also a choice you can make.

by Jason Lam